StarKraft
by Sir Giraffe
Summary: A comedy epic taking place in a universe not unlike Starcraft. If Starcraft was a lot sillier... Updated weekly!
1. Episode 1

StarKraft – The Terran Expansion Mission Saga

Episode 1

Journal of Daniel K. Jones.:

30/07/2567

Today was the big day. We finally left on our really huge mission. It's so exciting. We're going to be seeing things never seen by humaninity…err, humanitity…no, humanity. Yeah, that's right, humanity. Wow, that's a really hard word to spell. Where would we be without spell checker? Probably still in the age of typewriters…or something. Anyway, where was I. Right, things never seen by humanity before. That's right, we're setting off to find new planets to settle. The human race shall spread throughout the stars. How exiting…err, exciting!

I'll be aboard the starship _Business. _It's a strange name, sure, but it's a sturdy vessel, with a fine Captain. Captain Dirk is in charge of the unit I'm in, and who could hope for a better leader. I look up to him. I respect him. Captain Dirk is the type of Soldier I aspire to one day be. He's a fine man.

Fortunately, I'm not alone in this unit. My best friend James L. Davies is also in it. I call him Jimmy for short, though Jimmy isn't really shorter than James, but it sounds nicer. I guess.

Anyway, I can't write much more, our ship is about to leave, and I need to report for dooty…or is it duty?

Journal of James L. Davies:

30/07/2567

Things couldn't be much worse. Not only am I stuck in the unit full of misfits, that idiot Daniel is here as well. I really hope he doesn't talk to me. I guess that'd be too much to hope for though…

I suppose things could be worse though. I could always be stuck with the Firebats. Damn those guys are weird.

###

"Whatcha doin?" Daniel asks Jimmy.

"None of your business," says Jimmy.

"Oh, I see. That's cool. I think it's good for friends to keep secrets from each other," says Daniel.

"We're not friends…" Jimmy mutters.

"Oh, right. We're buddies!" Daniel shouts. Jimmy cringes at the muffled laughs of the other Marines in the starship.

"Hey Daniel, I have an idea," says Jimmy.

"What is it buddy?" asks Daniel.

"How about you sit still in silence for a while and think about what you'll do when we find our first planet," Jimmy suggests.

"That's a good idea. See, that's why we're buddies, you have all the good ideas, then I do them for you," says Daniel.

"Just do it…" says Jimmy.

"Yes sir!" Daniel shouts, saluting Jimmy. Jimmy looks out the porthole of the starship, however there isn't much to see. He falls into a light sleep. The first planned stop was a few days travel away, and he planned on having plenty of energy by the time that day arrived.

After what felt like only a few minutes, Daniel roughly shakes Jimmy awake.

"Why'd you do that?" asks Jimmy.

"Because I've figured out what we can do on the new planet," says Daniel.

"Oh goodie. Goodnight," says Jimmy, trying to go back to sleep.

"We can find a nice piece of land, then we can build a house and live together forever, good buddy!" Daniel said loudly. This time the laughter isn't muffled.

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

30/07/2567

Perhaps I was wrong. The Firebats can't be worse than this…

###

Meanwhile, on the Starship _Burnbabyburn_…

"So, does anyone else think this trip is boring?" asks Bernie the Firebat.

"I do," says one Firebat.

"So do I," says another.

"Maybe we could do something to make it more interesting," suggests Flamento, who was also a Firebat.

"That's a good idea, but what could we do?" asks Bernie.

"Err…perhaps…maybe…possibly…we could…no, never mind, it's too crazy," says Flamento.

"No, go on. Tell us," Bernie encourages.

"Oh, but no, you won't like it," says Flamento.

"We'll decide that when we hear it. Tell us," says Bernie.

"Oh alright, but you won't like it," says Flamento, "we could, you know, burn stuff."

"Burn stuff? That's a brilliant idea!" says Bernie.

"LET'S BURN STUFF!" shouts out a Firebat.

"! BURN!" shouts another in reply. All the Firebats aboard _Burnbabyburn _pull out their flamethrowers and set everything around them on fire.

"LOOK AT THE FLAMES!" shouts Bernie.

"THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!" shouts Flamento.

"I want to touch them," says one Firebat. He reaches a hand into the flames and instantly catches on fire.

"I'M IN HEAVEN!" he shouts while running around, completely enveloped in fire.

"Am I the only one slightly jealous?" asks Bernie.

"No, you're not," says Flamento.

"You know though?" says Bernie.

"What?" asks Flamento.

"We don't have to be jealous…" says Bernie.

"Oh, I see where you're coming from…" says Flamento. They both look longingly into the flames.

"OH BLESSED FIRE! I LOVE YOU! WELCOME ME INTO YOUR EMBRACE!" Flamento shouts and dives into the flames.

"WHAT HE SAID!" shouts Bernie and joins in.

###

Jimmy looks out the window as a flaming spaceship zooms past. He pulls out his journal and starts to write.

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

30/07/2567

On second thoughts, I'm quite happy here.


	2. Episode 2

Feel free to review this. I like seeing feedback.

Episode 2

"Alright boys and girls, we're set to arrive at the planet tomorrow, so let's do some bonding exercises," says Captain Dirk as he talks to his soldiers in the briefing room. Jimmy looks around at the men situated around the room.

"Boys and girls…" he says to no one in particular.

###

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

04/08/2567

Wow, Captain Dirk really is a great guy. I can't believe how good an idea these bonding exercises are. It will be really important for tomorrow when we arrive at the planet, because we'll need to support each other really well, being in an unfamiliar environment and everything. Have I said how great Captain Dirk is yet? Well, he really is. I'm sure he'll lead us to great and wonderful things.

###

"Alright everybody, now let's start off with a nice big group hug. Come on everyone, close in now. Group hug. Don't be shy," says Captain Dirk.

###

Journal Entry of James L. Davies:

04/08/2567

Captain Dirk is a freaking idiot. I want out. I want out now.

###

"Excellent boys and girls," says Captain Dirk, breaking away from the group hug, "Now I want you all to buddy up with a partner. This person you choose shall be your partner for the duration of this mission. Unless they die that is, but we don't want to think about that now, do we. That's sad."

Jimmy searches the room desperately, looking for a partner, but no one seems interested.

"Buddy! We can be partners buddy!" the fearful shout echoes across the room.

"Sir, what are the chances somebody will die tomorrow?" asks Jimmy.

"Oh, don't be a silly billy. No one will die tomorrow, we'll all be perfectly safe," says Captain Dirk.

"Wonderful…" says Jimmy.

"BUDDY!" Daniel shouts, and gives Jimmy a hug.

"Please get off me…" says Jimmy.

"Sure thing buddy," says Daniel.

"Okay people. Now you've found your buddy, we're going to have some team activities. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Firstly, join hands with your buddy. Very good," says Captain Dirk.

"Isn't this fun buddy?" asks Daniel.

"Leave me alone…" says Jimmy.

"Oh, you don't mean that. You're just scared about tomorrow aren't you? It'll be fine, I'll be there with you," says Daniel.

"Oh great. You're making me fell _so _much better," says Jimmy, his voice thick with sarcasm.

"See, I'm helping you already," says Daniel.

"Now boys and girls, I want you to follow me in these dance steps. This shall help you to synchronize both your partner's and your own movement's into one, fluid motion," says Captain Dirk. He presses a button and a slow waltz starts to play.

"And one, and two. And one and two and now a three. Excellent Daniel, that's the way. Try and keep up Jimmy. And three and four and back to a one. Super job, let's pick up the pace," says Captain Dirk as he continues the dance.

"This is pissing me off…" Jimmy mutters.

"Oh, you shouldn't say that word Jimmy, there's much better ways to say you need to do number one," says Daniel.

"What?" asks Jimmy, who didn't have a clue what Daniel was talking about.

"Sir, Jimmy needs to go to the toilet," says Daniel out loud.

"What? No I don't. Where'd you get that idea from?" asks Jimmy.

"Didn't you just say you needed to p-i-s-s?" asks Daniel.

"No, I said this was pissing me…" Jimmy says, but was interrupted.

"Oh, I see. Present tense. I missed that. The music made it hard to hear," says Daniel, "Sir, Jimmy's wet his pants."

"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?" Jimmy roars.

"Now now Jimmy, no need to be embarrassed. These things happen when we're nervous," Captain Dirk says, "I'll let you go and clean yourself up, but hurry back okay, we have a lot to get through still. Daniel, you can go and help him."

"YES SIR!" says Daniel, saluting. He grabs Jimmy's hands and drags him away from the briefing room.

Outside, a flaming starship crashes into another ship, splitting it in half. The cries of "BURN!" are the last thing the victims hear. The flaming starship continues on its course.

###

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

04/08/2567

I'm sure Jimmy really appreciates the help that Captain Dirk (he who is great) is giving him. Jimmy does seem to be the most nervous out of all of us, but he'll be fine. I'll be there to look after him. He is my bestest buddy in the whole universe after all.

Journal Entry of James L. Davies:

04/08/2567

Why couldn't I be born with psychic powers? Then I could be a ghost. I'm sure ghosts don't have to go through things like this. I want to be a ghost…

###

"Hey guys, watch this," says Mark the Ghost. The other ghosts all turn to look at him.

"Now you see me," he says, then turns on his cloaking device, "Now you don't." He turns it off again. "Now you see me," he turns it on, "Now you don't," He turns it off, "Now you see me," he turns it on, "Now you don't." he turns it off, "Now you see…"

His sentence is interrupted by a shotgun blast. Mark the Ghost drops to the floor, dead. Sergeant Kilcrazy kicks at the dead body.

"Well, he didn't see that coming…" says Lyle the Ghost. Kilcrazy stares at him for a few moments, then bursts out into laughter.

"Didn't see that coming, HAHAHA. That's hilarious. BWAHAHAHAHA. Oh, you're a comedian soldier," laughs Kilcrazy.

###

Jimmy's day continued pretty much how it started. He had to change his pants five more times throughout the day. By the end of the bonding session, he didn't think things could get any worse. He was wrong.

"Alrighty boys and girls, you did excellent today, excellent. Super duper fine," says Captain Dirk, "Now, to make sure you and your buddy are in perfect synchronization tomorrow, I want you to spend the night together. Sleep well soldiers, and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning."

Jimmy swore under his breath.

"Sir, Jimmy pooed his pants," says Daniel.

###

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

04/08/2567

Jimmy is so lucky I'm his friend. He would've had very messy pants today if I hadn't spoken up all those times. He's too embarrassed to say anything to the super wonderful Captain Dirk himself. It's a good thing we have to spend the night together. I'll look after him well.

Journal Entry of James L. Davies:

04/08/2567

This is just a dream, this is just a dream. I'll open my eyes, and I'll be safe in my own home. Darnit, the idiot is still next to me. This is just a dream, this is just a dream, this is just a dream…


	3. Episode 3

Episode 3

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

05/08/2567

Wow. I'm so excited. The ship is landing. The ship is landing! THE SHIP IS LANDING! We're going to explore a new planet. Maybe we'll find another form of intelligent life. Have I mentioned how excited I am yet? I hope Jimmy doesn't get too nervous, but I've packed a spare pair of pants for him just in case.

We finally saw the armour we're going to be wearing as marines today as well. It looks very cool, and should surely protect us from anything we go up against.

Journal of James L. Davies:

05/08/2567

I wonder how good this armour really is? I wonder if it's weak enough for the guns we've been given to penetrate? Wouldn't it be a pity if Daniel were to be taken down by friendly fire? Wouldn't it be a pity if this whole entire regiment were to be shot? I'll blame it on the firebats.

Journal of Bernie V. Hawt:

05/08/2567

Fire is good.

###

"Alright boys and girls. Now, be very careful out there. I don't want anybody getting any boo boos. I want us all back nice, healthy and happy," says Captain Dirk as the marines disembark the Starship _Business._ "Remember to stick with your buddy, and look out for each other."

"Don't worry Jimmy. I'll look out for you buddy. I brought you a spare pair of pants, just in case," says Daniel.

"Oh, thanks Daniel. You're so thoughtful," says Jimmy.

"That's what buddies are for!" says Daniel, patting Jimmy on the back.

###

Journal Entry of Jimmy L. Davies:

05/08/2567

It'd be so easy. Just pull that trigger, hold it down for a few seconds, then he'd be gone, it'd be all over. Just those few little seconds…

###

Jimmy pulls the trigger. Bullets fire out of the gun and pierce Daniel's armour.

"Sir, Jimmy accidentally shot at me. I think it was a nervous reaction sir," says Daniel.

"Yeah…that was it…nerves," says Jimmy.

"I was lucky though sir, all the bullets missed me. My armour has holes though," says Daniel.

"Oh, poor Jimmy," says Captain Dirk, "you and Daniel can stay here for a little bit while you recover. I'll let the other boys and girls go on ahead."

"You're a real good guy Captain," says Daniel.

###

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

05/08/2567

Captain Dirk is a really great guy.

###

"BURN! BURN! BURNING THROUGH SPACE!" cries out Bernie.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!" cries out Flamento.

"Hey, is that what I think it is?" asks a Firebat.

"That depends, what do you think it is?" asks another.

"Is it ground?" asks the first Firebat.

###

Journal Entry of Bernie V. Hawt:

05/08/2567

All of a sudden I don't think we're in space anymore. This could be a good thing. I hope this planet has oxygen, we've sort of used most of it up on board. Still, it's a worthy sacrifice for the wonders of the flame.

###

The Starship _Burnbabyburn _crashes onto the planet below. The firebats slowly crawl out of the wreckage and stare at the burning remains of the ship.

"It's beautiful," cries Flamento.

"Truly a sight for sore eyes," says Flamento.

"Hey guys…trees," says a Firebat facing the other way. All the others turn around and stare at the expanse of forest before them.

"Wow, so much fuel and so little time," says Flamento.

"Well, what are we waiting for then?" asks Bernie, pulling out his flamethrower.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!" cries Flamento, doing the same.

###

Journal Entry of Bernie V. Hawt:

05/08/2567

Fire is good. Really, really good.

###

Jimmy looks into the sky, just in time to see a flaming starship pass overhead and crash into the forest somewhere in the distance.

"Stupid Firebats…" he mutters.

"Oh my, that's not good," says Captain Dirk.

"We should go and make sure they're alright sir!" says Daniel.

"That's a wonderful idea Daniel. Seeing as how you two are the only ones left here, you can come with me and rescue them," says Captain Dirk.

"Can I stay here?" asks Jimmy.

"Don't be silly buddy, that's just your nerves talking. The Captain and I will all look after you," says Daniel.

"That's right Jimmy. We can all be buddies!" says the Captain.

"Wonderful…" says Jimmy.

###

Diary Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

05/08/2567

Oh, those poor Firebats. I hope they're okay. Captain Dirk is really a great guy, going to rescue them.

In other news, it's true. You do learn something new everyday. I figured out today that you have to turn the oxygen tank for these suits of armour on. If you don't, they won't work. How about that? No wonder it was so hard to breathe before.


	4. Episode 4

Episode 4

Journal Entry of Bernie V. Hawt:

05/08/2567

We made a fire today, and it was good. You wouldn't believe the amount of fuel, err, trees, on this planet. Well, there's not that many anymore, but there's enough.

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

05/08/2567

Is it just me, or are we running towards a giant wall of fire? Nah, it's probably just me.

Journal Entry of James L. Davies:

05/08/2567

I really wish it was just him. Oh, and if anybody asks, I'm not reading Daniel's journal…

###

Daniel, Jimmy and Captain Dirk push their way through the dense jungle of the planet they had landed on, slowly making their way to the crash site of the Firebat's starship. Suddenly, the three of them emerge from the forest into a clearing. In the middle of the clearing sits an ancient temple.

"Look boys! It's a sign of life!" says Captain Dirk.

"I don't know Captain, it just looks like stone to me. I don't think it's alive," says Daniel, looking at the temple.

"You idiot. The temple isn't alive, but it would've been built by something that was," Jimmy says.

"Oh," says Daniel.

"Should we investigate Captain?" asks Jimmy.

"Oh, it is tempting. But we must stick to our current objective. Those poor Firebats must need our help," says Captain Dirk, "Of course, once we've made sure they're all happy and alive, we can always come back."

"They're Firebats. I'm sure they're enjoying their slow death in the flames," says Jimmy.

"Oh, that's not a very nice thought at all Jimmy. We don't want Firebats to die. They're a vital part of our military," says Captain Dirk.

"They're a useless part of the military. They're just as likely to set us on fire as any enemies," says Jimmy.

"You have no proof of that," says Captain Dirk. Jimmy points to the large wall of fire before them.

"That doesn't prove anything. It could be natural for all we know," says Captain Dirk.

"It wasn't there when we landed, and it didn't show up until after the Firebat's ship landed," says Jimmy.

"I'm not going to argue with you anymore Jimmy. We must rescue those poor Firebats," says Captain Dirk, walking away from the temple and back into the jungle, heading towards the wreck. Daniel and Jimmy follow close behind.

"Captain, I have a question," Jimmy says sometime later.

"Hit me, Jimmy," says Captain Dirk.

"What's the atmosphere of this planet like? What's it composed of?" asks Jimmy.

"Oh, that's an easy one. It's practically identical to Earth's atmosphere," answers Captain Dirk.

"Then why, Captain, are we using these oxygen tanks?" asks Jimmy.

"I know! I know!" says Daniel.

"Go ahead Daniel, you good boy," says Captain Dirk.

"In case the atmosphere isn't breathable!" says Daniel.

"Exactly right Daniel. Thumbs up!" says Captain Dirk.

"Ugh…" says Jimmy. He turns off his oxygen tank and opens up his visor, "Ah, that's better. Fresh air."

"No Jimmy, don't," Captain Dirk yells, "We don't know if the atmosphere is harmful or not. It could kill you."

"But you said yourself that it's exactly the same as Earth's. It's breathable, look at me," Jimmy says, taking in a lungful of air. Immediately he breaks out into a violent coughing fit.

"See. Silly Jimmy. I told you not to do it," says Captain Dirk. He walks over, replaces Jimmy's visor and turns the oxygen tank back on.

"It wasn't the atmosphere sir, it was all the smoke from those blasted Firebats," says Jimmy.

"It's okay Jimmy, you don't need to make excuses around us. We're buddies, remember," says Captain Dirk.

###

Meanwhile, in the ruins of an ancient city on the other side of the planet, the Ghosts silently go about their reconnaissance mission.

"Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak," says Sergeant Kilcrazy, hidden by his cloaking device.

"Umm, sir. It's not much good sneaking if you're going to say 'sneak'. It sort of defeats the purpose," says the other Ghost with him. Kilcrazy stops walking and faces the insubordinate soldier.

"Listen soldier. I'm the one doing the sneaking. You sneak how you want to, and I'll sneak how I want to. Now, stop talking, you'll alert the enemy to our presence," orders Sergeant Kilcrazy. "Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak."

"But sir, it doesn't look like there are any enemies around," says the soldier," the city looks rather abandoned."

"Soldier, you just disobeyed a direct order from a superior officer," says Kilcrazy.

"Umm, sir?" asks the Ghost.

"You talked, and I told you not to. You young, insubordinate fool. Planning a mutiny are you? Think you know better than your superior officer do you? Huh? Huh?" Sergeant Kilcrazy yells.

"I'm sorry sir," says the Ghost, fearing for his life.

"Sorry is not good enough. I'm afraid I can't take any chances. I… must… kill… you… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KILL!" says Kilcrazy manically. He fires his shotgun into the other Ghost's chest. He drops to the ground dead.

"OHOHOHOHO. That was fun. Get up so I can do it again! Oh wait, you can't. YOU'RE DEAD! AHAHAHAHA" laughs the Sergeant.

"Nuclear launch detected," the female voice of the Terran computer system suddenly announces over Kilcrazy's radio.

"What the? Which idiot ordered that? They'll destroy this city, and kill us all," Kilcrazy says, looking around for the culprit.

"HAHAHAHA, you should've seen you're face Sergeant," laughs Lyle the Ghost, "It was priceless. You were so scared. It's hilarious. Don't tell me you thought there was really one coming?" Sergeant Kilcrazy fires his shotgun, narrowly missing Lyle.

"Oh, gosh sir, that was close. You almost hit me then," says Lyle.

"I know, I must be getting rusty," says Kilcrazy. Lyle shuts up.

###

Daniel, Jimmy and Captain Dirk arrive at the wreckage of the Firebat's starship. However, they see only one Firebat outside the ship. He has his back to them and is

engulfing a small shrub in flames from his flamethrower.

"We should be careful," Jimmy suggests, "If we take him by surprise, he may turn his flamethrower on us."

"Don't be silly, Jimmy. We're his allies. He wouldn't attack us, that would be mean," says Captain Dirk.

"Sir, he's a Firebat," says Jimmy.

"And our ally!" says Captain Dirk.

"Don't worry Captain, Jimmy must be scared. If we all go up together Jimmy, it will be okay," says Daniel, patting Jimmy on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me," says Jimmy.

"Daniel, another smashing idea, as always. Us three good buddies can all go up together. We won't surprise him then," says Captain Dirk. Jimmy sighs in defeat and follows Daniel and the Captain.

They reach the Firebat and Captain Dirk taps him on the shoulder. "Hi there ally buddy!" he says happily. The Firebat turns quickly to face them.

"BURN!" he says, and pulls the trigger on his flamethrower.

###

Journal Entry of Daniel K. Jones:

05/08/2567

I hope Jimmy didn't wet his pants just then. I know I certainly did, so he probably did as well. And I only have one spare pare as well. What will I do?


	5. Episode 5

Episode 5

The Firebat pulls the trigger, and nothing happens. He pulls it again, but still nothing happens.

###

Journal Entry of Bernie V. Hawt:

05/08/2567

There's only one thing worse than being without fire, and that's being without the fuel to create the wonderful dancing redness. I hate running out of flamethrower fuel. It's a pity. I'm sure those poor, unblessed marines would have loved the wonderful blessing of flames I had prepared for them.

###

"Gosh, sorry guys," says Bernie.

"It's quite alright, really," says Captain Dirk.

"I seem to have run out of fuel," says Bernie.

"That's quite alright, I'm sure you didn't mean it" says Daniel.

"If you'd like, I can quickly nip back inside and see if I can find some more," Bernie suggests, indicating the ship, "Then you can feel the wonder of flames as they consume your body. There's no better feeling."

"I'm sure we'll be fine," says Jimmy, "Are there any other Firebats nearby?"

"No, they've all spread out far and wide to spread the wonder of our god, the flames," says Bernie.

"Good, let's get out of here then," says Jimmy.

"Wait, shouldn't we check inside the ship to make sure that there's no other survivors?" asks Daniel. Jimmy looks at the giant flaming hulk of wrecked starship.

"Go ahead," he says to Daniel, "I'm going to check out that temple we saw."

"Ooh, I'm going to come as well!" Daniel says.

"No, really. That's okay, you can look inside the ship if you want," says Jimmy.

"But I want to see the temple…" says Daniel.

"No, check the ship," says Jimmy.

"Sir, Jimmy won't let me look at the temple," says Daniel.

"Aw, stop being a meanie pants Jimmy and let Daniel come with you," says Captain Dirk, "In fact, we'll all go."

"Cool, maybe there'll be some fuel in the temple," says Bernie.

"Let's hope not," says Jimmy.

###

"Aren't they going to come in and rescue us?" asks the pilot of _Burnbabyburn _as the three Marines walk away, taking the Firebat with them.

"Apparently not. It seems they've forgotten about us," says the co-pilot.

"Looks like we don't have much choice left then. We'll have to use the emergency eject," says the pilot.

"Seems that way. What a pity…" says the co-pilot.

"Yes, the emergency eject is really quite boring," says the pilot, the eagerness showing on his face contradicting his words.

"So boring," says the co-pilot.

"I don't enjoy it at all," says the pilot.

"No, it's not like it's the funnest thing in the world at all," says the co-pilot.

"I couldn't agree more. It's really quite boring. In fact, it's…" says the pilot, but he is interrupted by the co-pilot.

"JUST PRESS THE BUTTON ALREADY! I WANT TO FLY!" the co-pilot yells. The pilot presses the button.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" they both yell out.

###

Jimmy watches as the pilot's seat flies out the window. He hears the pilots yelling in excitement.

"I knew we'd forgotten something," says Jimmy.

"That's right. None of us actually went inside the ship," says Captain Dirk.

"That looks fun. I want a turn!" says Daniel.

"Sure, once we're back in space, I'll let you have a turn," says Jimmy, "In fact, you can do it without a spacesuit, it's even more fun then."

"Wow, that's why you're my bestest buddy Jimmy," says Daniel.

"Aw, don't mention it," says Jimmy. Suddenly, the starship explodes in a giant ball of fire.

"It's beautiful," cries Bernie as tears fall from his eyes.

###

"Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, stop," says Kilcrazy, coming to a stop outside a building.

"Hehe, this is fun. Sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, trip," says Lyle, tripping over. He stood up laughing.

"What happened here?" asks Kilcrazy, looking inside the building. Dead, alien bodies are all over the floor.

"Something terrible, that's for sure," says Lyle, going serious.

"So much death, so much destruction. It's simply beautiful," says Kilcrazy.

"Shall we go inside Sergeant?" asks Lyle.

"I think that's a good idea. Maybe there's something not dead yet to put out of it's misery," says Kilcrazy, pushing open the door. The moment he does, a creature slightly larger than a human with leathery wings comes flying out, screeching as it does so.

Kilcrazy fires after it as it flies into the sky, but misses. He gives up when the creature is out of reach.

"What was that?" asks Lyle.

"I don't know. Maybe we'll find out inside, let's go in," says Kilcrazy.

###

Journal Entry of Sergeant Kilcrazy:

05/08/2567

A dark, spooky building, littered with dead, rotting corpses. They can't be more than a few days dead. A week at the most. A mysterious, insect like creature with leathery wings. Something killed these people, and I'm going to find out who, or what, it was. Firstly, so I can congratulate it on a terrifically gory job, then to kill it. Mostly to kill it. KILL! KILL! KILL!

###

Flamento looks over the Firebats assembled before him. There are a few missing, but he decides they're still out, spreading the love of the fire. Behind him stands the remains of the starship, _Burnbabyburn._

"Wielders of the almighty flame, give me your reports," says Flamento.

"There's not a single trace of greenery left on this island," says one.

"All the trees have been blessed with the love of the flame," says another.

"My friends have gone out to set the city on fire," says another.

"Excellent. You have all done brilliantly," says Flamento, "I now have a very special announcement to make." He raises his hands in the air and flames shoot up behind him from the husk of _Burnbabyburn._

"Oooooooooh," says the crowd.

"I hereby declare this site as the first ever Church of Flames. I also name myself as High Priest Flamento of the Flames. From here we shall be able to show our undying devotion to our god, the wonderful, dancing flames," Flamento declares, "We shall spread his love throughout the galaxy and recruit more and more people to our cause. The flames shall be known and worshipped throughout all the universe! I hereby call you all to envision the future. A brilliant, red hot future."

All throughout the crowd people cheered at their new High Priest and their first ever church. Church _Burnbabyburn._

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

05/08/2567

As much as I hate to say it, I swear I just felt a great disturbance in the force. Not that this is a Star Wars parody mind.

###

Daniel, Jimmy, Captain Dirk and Bernie are standing in the clearing, just outside the ancient temple. Captain Dirk looks into the slowly darkening sky. He makes a decision and announces it to his comrades.

"Alright boys and girls, I think we should spend the night outside here and investigate the temple tomorrow in the light. Do you think that's a good idea?" asks Captain Dirk.

"Sure, whatever," says Jimmy, lying down to fall asleep. A task he found very difficult in his bulky armour.

"You're a brilliant thinker Captain Dirk buddy!" says Daniel.

"Yay Daniel! High five!" says Captain Dirk.


	6. Episode 6

Episode 6

Journal of James L. Davies:

06/08/2567

Here's a word of advice for anybody thinking of joining the Marines. Don't. Spending a night in your armour is not fun. Neither is spending a night in camp with a Firebat who yells out 'BURN' in his sleep. At least, I hope he was sleeping.

I'm beginning to regret sneaking peeks at Daniel's journal as well…

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

06/08/2567

It was cold last night. Really, really cold. The sort of cold that makes you think, 'it's cold'. At least, that's what I thunk, err, thought. But, I was lucky. The ever great Captain Dirk suggested, in his greatness, that we should sleep close together to share body warmth. He suggested perhaps we'd be more comfortable without our clothes, but he seemed to change his mind when I told him I'd wet my pants earlier that day.

Also, I suspect we're not alone on this planet. I swear something was watching me when I was changing into the spare pants I'd brought for Jimmy. Speaking of which, I'm so proud of Jimmy. He didn't wet his pants this time. He's getting braver, and he has me and Captain "the greatest ever" Dirk to thank for it.

I hope we run into whatever it was that was watching me, that could be exiting. Oh gosh, I wrote exiting again. Silly me, I mean exciting.

Journal of Bernie V. Hawt:

06/08/2567

Still no fuel in flame-thrower. I was hoping my god would bless me with more while I slept so I could spread his joy. Apparently not. Perhaps there's a task he wishes me to perform before I'm blessed with more fuel. I'm sure I'll soon find out.

###

"Good morning boys and girls," says Captain Dirk.

"Captain, there's no girls here," Jimmy points out.

"I know, but I say it just in case. I don't want to discriminate now, do I?" Captain Dirk explains.

"That's wonderful thinking Captain Dirk!" Daniel exclaims.

"Stop praising him so much," Jimmy complains.

"Wow, we're speaking in rhyme," Daniel points out.

"No we're not," says Jimmy.

"Yes we are, Captain explained, I exclaimed and you complained. Rhyme!" says Daniel.

"Right…can we just go into this temple now?" asks Jimmy.

"That sounds like a plan. Let's go people, hurry now," says Captain Dirk. They enter the temple, Jimmy first, then Bernie, followed by Captain Dirk and Daniel.

"Captain, I changed my pants, they're clean now," Daniel whispers.

"I'm glad to hear that. Want to dirty them up tonight?" asks Captain Dirk winking.

"No thanks sir, I prefer clean ones. You can have my dirty pair if you really want them sir," says Daniel.

"No Daniel, I think I'll be right," says Captain Dirk.

###

Kilcrazy and Lyle sneak through the building, slowly getting lower and lower.

"Sneak, sneak, sneak," says Kilcrazy.

"Sneak, sneak, sneak," Lyle responds. Suddenly, a loud growl becomes audible from somewhere in the building. Somewhere deep below them.

"Stop," Kilcrazy says.

"Stop," Lyle repeats.

"Did you hear that?" asks Sergeant Kilcrazy.

"Yes Sergeant, I did. What do you think it was?" asks Lyle.

"Something big, from the sounds of it. Perhaps whatever did this to these creatures. Let's hunt it down," says Kilcrazy.

'Yes sir!" says Lyle.

"Hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt," says Kilcrazy.

"Hunt, hunt, hunt, sneeze," says Lyle.

"Bless you," says Kilcrazy.

"Thanks Sergeant," says Lyle.

###

Journal Entry of Sergeant Kilcrazy:

06/05/2567

Something big lurks in the depths. Could it be what we're hunting? The creature that caused that beautiful carnage? Or perhaps it's something else. Something bigger. Something that deserves death even more. I shall bring a swift death. I am the executioner. I am the silent death. I'M…GONNA…KILL!

###

Captain Dirk stops suddenly, motioning for everyone else to do the same. They all stop, and look silently around the corridor they're standing in.

"Did you hear that?" he asks.

"Hear what Captain?" asks Daniel.

"Shush. There it goes again," he says. They listen closely and hear a soft moaning.

"It sounds like someone in pain," Jimmy says.

"Get your weapons ready soldiers. We don't know what could await us in the big spooky open chamber at the end of this claustrophobically narrow passageway," says Captain Dirk, "but I'm sure we have nothing to worry about."

###

Journal of James L. Davies.

06/08/2567

'…nothing to worry about.' Famous last words those.

###

"I don't have any flamethrower fuel," Bernie says as they enter the chamber.

"What a pity…" says Jimmy.

"Yes, now he won't be able to receive the fiery blessings of my god," says Bernie.

"Does nobody understand my sarcasm?" Jimmy asks rhetorically.

"Help…me…please," a small voice croaks out. They all run towards the source of the voice. In the middle of the room they see a dying, alien creature.

"Oh my," says Captain Dirk, "What is that?"

"I know who that is!" Daniel exclaims.

"Ugh, here we go," groans Jimmy.

"It's the creature that was watching me change my pants earlier," Daniel accuses.

"What…I've… never… seen… you… before…" the creature says.

"Liar! I saw you watching me. I knew we weren't alone here," Daniel says. Meanwhile, Captain Dirk whistles innocently and intently studies the ceiling.

"Please, I… don't have much more… time…" says the creature, "You… need to… listen to what… I… have… to…say."

###

"Hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, stop," says Sergeant Kilcrazy, looking at something on the ground. Lyle stops behind him and looks at what Kilcrazy is studying. On the ground lies the remains of an alien creature. It looks like it had been crushed under something heavy.

"What do you suppose did this?" asks Kilcrazy.

"I don't know. I'd ask him, but he looks like he's flat-out," Lyle answers. Kilcrazy looks at Lyle, then bursts out laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! FLAT-OUT! AHAHAHAHA. Oh, you should be a comedian Lyle. AHAHAHAHA," laughs Kilcrazy.


	7. Episode 7

Episode 7

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

06/08/2567

I knew we'd find the creature that was watching me. I knew we weren't alone here. I discovered it. The creature seems to want to tell us something, but it won't admit to watching me, so I don't see why we should listen to a liar. Lying is naughty. I never lie. Well, only when I sleep, but you have to then. It'd be silly to sleep standing up.

###

"Please…you must… hear what I… have to… say…" the creature struggles to say.

"No, why should we?" Daniel asks.

"Because it's… important…" the creature says.

"So is telling the truth," says Daniel, "and I don't see you doing that."

"What do you… mean?" asks the creature.

"You're lying about watching me change my pants. I know it was you. Someone was there, and you're the only one it could've been," Daniel accuses. Captain Dirk intently studies the ceiling.

"It wasn't me…" the creature pleads innocence.

"I'm not listening, lalalalala, liar," sings Daniel.

"But… it… wasn't…" the creature says.

"lalalala, not listening. Lalalalalala OUCHIES!" says Daniel, "Sir, Jimmy hit me across the back of my head."

"That wasn't very nice Jimmy. Did you have a good reason?" asks Captain Dirk.

"Plenty of them, which one do you want first?" Jimmy answers.

"Umm, well. I don't mind," says Captain Dirk.

"Okay. Firstly, he was annoying me. Secondly, the creature is dying and obviously has an important message to tell. For all we know he could be warning us about a great and terrible danger. Thirdly, he was annoying me. Fourthly, he was annoying me. Fifthly, I know for a fact that the creature is telling the truth. I have written, on this piece of paper who the real culprit is, and why he did it. It was…" Jimmy says, about to read the name.

"Okay, I confess, it was me," Captain Dirk suddenly cries out. Jimmy quickly scrunches up the paper with Bernie's name on it, and throws it away.

"Yes, as I was about to say, it was Captain Dirk," Jimmy says.

"I'm so sorry Daniel can you ever forgive me?" Captain Dirk asks.

"Of course I can. I know why you were doing it," Daniel says.

"You…you do?" asks Captain Dirk.

"Yes, of course I do. You were watching over me to make sure nothing bad happened. You're such a great captain, Captain!" says Daniel. Jimmy shakes his head.

"A…hem…" the creature clears it's throat.

"Oh, right, sorry. Your message," says Jimmy, turning around to listen.

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

06/08/2567

Once we're off this planet, I'm so getting a transfer. I don't know how much more I can stand of Captain Dirk or Jimmy. They're actually starting to make the Firebats look normal.

###

"Step down, step down, step down, step down," says Sergeant Kilcrazy, descending down a flight of stairs. He lets out a small laugh. "Flat out, ehehehe. It's still funny."

"Step down, step down, step down, put a step wrong and almost fall, save myself in time, step down, step down, step down," says Lyle.

"Careful there soldier," Kilcrazy warns.

"Yes sergeant," says Lyle. A menacing growl again echoes through the building.

"Stop. Did you hear that? We're getting closer, it was louder this time," says Kilcrazy, "It's almost time to KILL! HAHAHA! PUMP IT FULL OF BULLETS BABY! OOOOOH YEAH!"

"Careful sergeant, they might hear you," says Lyle.

"Right you are soldier," says Kilcrazy, "Let's move on. Step down, step down, step down, step down."

###

Meanwhile, on another planet far, far away a mysterious, and quite groovy being of immense power was watching as creatures he had never seen before scuttled over a planet his forces had recently dominated.

"What are these funkay creatures, Squigglyoth?" the being asked one of it's closest advisors.

"Shouldn't you know, oh groovy one? After all, anything that is known by any of us, you should know as well. That's how it works right?" asks Squigglyoth.

"Oh Squigglyoth. You're no fun. How am I meant to play the role of groovy commander if I don't have to ask my underlings questions. It'll get boring really quickly that way," says the very mysterious being.

"Fine then, oh one who controls the moves," says Squigglyoth.

"And the groove, never forget the groove Squigglyoth," says the being.

"Yes, of course, the groove. We have no idea what these new creatures are, but I don't believe the forces you've put under control of Sugaroth should have any trouble disposing of them," Squigglyoth says.

"I knew that," says the mysterious being.

"Of course you did…" says Squigglyoth.

"Sugaroth, can you hear me?" the being asks.

"Yes, your grooviness," says Sugaroth.

"Good, if what that groovay Scourge saw was right, you should have some visitors on their way to meet you. Don't kill them, and do not let the Zerglings devour them. I wish to study their groove," says the mysterious being.

"Yes, Overmind," says Sugaroth.

"Good one, you revealed my identity," says The Zerg Overmind.

"Sorry, your grooviness…" says Sugaroth.

###

"They attacked… all at once… None survived… I am the last," the creature tells Jimmy, Daniel, Bernie and Captain Dirk, "Now they are… gone… Except for… a small… group… in the city… Be careful… they shall kill you… as well…"

"What are they?" Jimmy asks.

"They are… known as the… SHIARG! OH, IT BURNS! OH THE PAIN! I'M DONE FOR!" the creature shouts, bursting into flames.

"Know the beauty of the flames, untouched one, for you have been blessed by our mighty god," says Flamento, emerging from somewhere.

"They're called the Shiarg?" Daniel asks.

"It seems that way," says Captain Dirk.

"What a weird name," says Daniel.

"Flamento, is that you?" asks Bernie.

"Ah, Brother Bernie, how good to see you," says Flamento, "I am now High Priest Flamento of the church _Burnbabyburn_."

"Oh dear…" says Jimmy. Flamento turns to look at Jimmy, Daniel and Captain Dirk.

"Have these three been blessed by our god?" he asks Bernie.

"Oh yes!" Jimmy quickly interrupts, "we've been blessed before, there's no need for you to do it again."

"I see. You must be favored by our god, to have survived the blessing, unlike this wretched soul," says Flamento, kicking the alien creature's burnt body.

"Umm, I haven't been blessed," says Daniel, "and I'm pretty sure Jimmy and Captain haven't been either."

"Is this true?" Flamento asks Jimmy.

"Of course not. We've been blessed. Uh-huh. And what a blessing it was as well," says Jimmy.

"No, I'm pretty sure we haven't been," says Daniel, "I think I would've remembered."

"Listen you idiot, we don't want to be blessed," he says to Daniel. He then looks at Flamento. "Again," he quickly adds.

"Aww fine, but I really wanted to be blessed," says Jimmy.

###

"Hunt, hunt, hunt, squelch," says Sergeant Kilcrazy.

"Squelch?" asks Lyle.

"Yes, a definite squelch," says Kilcrazy, looking at the strange red substance covering the ground. It seems to be alive. Suddenly, a growl from ahead alerts them to the presence of six insect like creatures, the size of a large dog and baring sharp fangs.

"Now, this is what I've been waiting for. Let's kill," says Kilcrazy.

"Yes sergeant, let's," says Lyle.


	8. Episode 8

A bit of a deviation from the main storyline for this one. It introduces some new characters though, who will have important roles later on. Enjoy!

No points for guessing where I got TNN from.

Episode 8

"Hello, and welcome to TNN, the Terran News Network," says Tracy the Newsreader, "We interrupt your regularly scheduled news program to bring you this breaking news update program." As she says all this, news updates scroll along the bottom of the screen. 'Toilet missing, police are on it,' was one of them and 'Police now tailing cat burglar' was another.

"Finally, only one week after its successful launch, the crew of the Terran Expansion Mission have reached their first destination. The planet is located in the nearest star system to our own, and is yet to be named. The mission's commanders are said to be doing their best to work out a name. We shall now be interviewing one of these commanders on the mission so far. Admiral Johnson, it's great to hear from you," Tracy says, facing a monitor displaying the face of an old man.

"What's that?" asks Admiral Johnson.

"I said it's great to hear from you Admiral," Tracy repeats.

"Yes, I can hear you," Admiral Johnson says.

"Okay… can you tell me what the current situation on the planet is at all Admiral?" Tracy asks.

"Yes, we did plan very hard for this," Admiral Johnson answers, sort of.

"I'm sure you did, Admiral, but what I'm…" Tracy starts before she's interrupted.

"We didn't really, it just happened," says Admiral Johnson.

"Oh, you didn't? Are you sure you can hear what I'm saying Admiral?" asks Tracy.

"Oh no, we haven't had dinner yet, but we are soon," says Admiral Johnson.

"Just as I thought," says Tracy.

"Yes, you too," says Admiral Johnson.

"I think it's time for your nap now Admiral Johnson," says another Admiral as he enters the monitor.

"Oh, nap time already Admiral Grievousbodilyharm? All right then," says Admiral Johnson, suddenly hearing perfectly well. He stands up and moves away and the newcomer takes his place.

"I'm sorry about that Tracy, he gets like that when he's tired," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm explains.

"That's quite all right Admiral Grievousbodilyharm. Please, may I call you Admiral G?" asks Tracy.

"No, that's the name of another Admiral," answers Grievousbodilyharm.

"Of course it is…" says Tracy, "if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you some questions."

"Go for it," says the Admiral.

"Can YOU tell me what the current situation is on the planet?" asks Tracy.

"Well, from our Cruisers in orbit around the planet, we have located five major continents on the planet's surface. We have deployed troops to each of these continents to evaluate how suitable it is for colonizing," explains Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"And are you able to disclose what the troops have found so far?" asks Tracy.

"Not at this point in time, but we're expecting to have collected enough data to make a decision not long from now," says the Admiral.

"I understand. Well Admiral, it was wonderful to hear from you, and hopefully we'll hear from you again in the near future with some good news. Thank you for your time," says Tracy.

"I hope so too. I'll speak to you soon," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm. The monitor goes blank.

"Next we shall cross to Mark who's on the planet's surface as he interviews some of the brave soldiers on this mission. But first, a quick word from our sponsors," says Tracy. The image on the television screen changes to a man dancing around in a bright yellow chicken suit.

"CHICKEN!" he screams. The image goes back to Tracy.

"Now go buy some," she says, "but do it after we cross to Mark. Mark, can you hear me?"

"No," he answers, "sheesh, of course I can hear you. Next stupid question?"

"Bite me," says Tracy, "I thought we promised to keep our situation private."

"That was before the stupid question. I can't believe I ever agreed to marry you. We have nothing in common. Nothing I say!" says Mark.

"The interview Mark," Tracy prompts.

"But no, Mother said you were perfect for me, and then your brother pushed me into it. Tell him he's a bastard for me would you? Then before I knew it, we were married and I'd gone to hell," Mark continues on.

"Mark, the interview," Tracy raises her voice slightly.

"It was all 'Mark do this', and 'Mark do that.' Always 'Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark.' ALWAYS! I never got a moment to myself, a moment to do what I wanted," Mark continues ranting.

"JUST DO THE INTERVIEW YOU DIMWIT!" Tracy shouts.

"See what I mean world?" Mark says, crying. He rubs his tears away and turns to a muscle bound soldier.

###

Journal of Lee V. Strong

06/08/2567

I'M GONNA BE ON TV! WOOOOOOO YEAH! GUNG HO!

###

"I'm here with General Lee Strong, who claims to be a skilled driver of many of the vehicles in use by the Terran army. He says he likes the Siege Tanks the most though," says Mark, introducing the General.

"OOOH YEAH! TANKS BABY! GUNG HO!" General Strong shouts.

"Yes, that's… nice…" says Mark.

"Gung ho!" says Strong, punching the air.

"I think the question everyone is itching to know is, have you found any life on this planet?" asks Mark.

"YES!" Strong announces.

"Really?" Mark asks, "can you describe it to me?"

"Well, there's Larry over there. He's a ghost. Oh, and there's Jill the medic and that's Jack the Wraith pilot with her. Over there is…" Strong says.

"Yes, that's great," Mark interrupts, "But what I mean is, have you found any alien life?"

"Oh," says Lee Strong.

"Have you?" asks Mark.

"No…" says Lee Strong.

"But there's evidence of it. Look at all these structures here. Someone must have built them," Mark says.

"CORRECT!" shouts the General.

"Who built them then?" asks Mark.

"ALIENS!" shouts the General, then adds, "GUNG HO!"

"But you said you hadn't found any alien life," says Mark.

"CORRECT AGAIN! They were all dead. Very much not alive," says General Lee Strong.

"Is that a fact. Okay, next question. Do you know the source of this smoke that seems to fill all of the atmosphere?" asks Mark.

"We suspect it's from a continent to the east of here. As for the source, we can't say for sure, but I'm sure the Firebats stationed over there shall figure it out," says the General.

"Well, that's all the questions we have time for, as I've got to head home so I can fill out some divorce papers. You hear that Tracy? Divorce papers! Yeah, stick that up your…" Marks is suddenly cut out as the screen flicks back to Tracy, but not before one last "GUNG HO!"

"And that was a useless fool, interviewing a very keen soldier," Tracy says, "And that's all we have for now. We'll be back later on to repeat this story, then probably back again after that for another repeat. For now though, why did the chicken cross the road? TNN's Samuel investigates," says Tracy. A man standing in a crowd of chickens replaces her on screen.

"Chickens," he says, "For as long as I can remember, I've had memories, and lot's of these memories are about chickens. We eat them, we eat their eggs, we cook them, and we cook their eggs. If it weren't for chickens, we wouldn't have eggs, and if it weren't for eggs, we wouldn't have chickens. But, ever since the first chicken laid it's egg to give birth to the first chicken birthed from an egg, one question has plagued mankind. Why did the chicken cross the road? Was it really to get to the other side, as popular opinion seems to say? Or maybe, just maybe, there's a darker story behind it. To find out, we go back in time, to when the chicken first crossed the road." All of a sudden Samuel is standing in the middle of the road. On one side, two chickens stand, and on the other side stands a building with it's name covered up.

"Long, long ago, there were two chickens. They were deeply in love with each other. However, one day…"

We interrupt this program with an interruption. It's the end of this episode now. The story of the chickens will be continued later. Perhaps.

This episode of Starkraft was brought to you by chicken. Have you bought any yet?


	9. Episode 9

Episode 9

Journal of Sergeant Kilcrazy

06/08/2567

Finally, I've come face to face with the creatures that slaughtered an entire alien race. They must be fearsome indeed. I wonder what their roar will sound like? Will it be large and terrifying? It must be, for such dangerous creatures must have a roar that will strike fear into their prey. I can't wait to kill them. KILL THEM! HAHAHAHA!

###

"Bark," one of the insect like creatures in front of them barks.

"Bark?" Kilcrazy asks.

"Bark," says the creature.

"What kind of a terrifying roar is that?" Kilcrazy asks.

"They're barking mad," says Lyle. Kilcrazy bursts into laughter.

"Ohohohoho, how do you come up with them Lyle? Bwahahaha!" laughs Kilcrazy.

"Bark?" queries one of the creatures.

"Bark," answers another. The six creatures bound towards Kilcrazy and Lyle. Taken by surprise, Kilcrazy and Lyle don't have time to react as the creatures rear up on their hind legs, place their front legs on their chests and start to vigorously lick their faces. Kilcrazy backs away in fear.

"What are they doing soldier?" asks Kilcrazy.

"I think they're licking us sir," answers Lyle.

"Why would they do that?" asks Kilcrazy.

"Maybe they're greeting us sergeant. Maybe they're happy to see us," Lyle suggests, pushing one of the creatures away from his face.

"These are NOT the fearsome creatures I had hoped for. They shall be no fun to kill soldier," Kilcrazy complains.

"I don't know sir, I'm just about ready to kill them if they keep this up," says Lyle, pushing another one away.

"I see you've met my Zerglings," an ominous voice booms, ominously. The Zerglings back away from their drool covered victims, whining softly.

"We're licked sir," says Lyle.

"Shut up soldier. I sense something big to kill," says Kilcrazy.

"Sounds good sergeant," says Lyle, readying his shotgun.

"Who are you?" Kilcrazy asks, "Are you the one responsible for the slaughter in this building?"

"I am Sugaroth, cerebrate of the great and groovy Zerg Overmind and one of his most trusted advisors. I guess you could say I'm responsible, as it's through me that the Overmind controls his army on this planet," says the voice.

"Where are you? I'm gonna KILL YOU! HAHA!" shouts Kilcrazy.

"Unlikely," Sugaroth simply says, "I've been ordered to capture at least one of you alive. My master wishes to learn of your groove."

"Our groove?" asks Lyle.

"Your groove, the way you move, all that kind of stuff," says Sugaroth.

"I don't think that's happening," says Kilcrazy, "show yourself so we can fight fair and square!"

"No," says Sugaroth.

"Why not, chicken?" taunts Kilcrazy.

"That reminds me, I need to buy some of that," says Lyle.

"No, it's because I'm a giant worm. The Overmind, in all his grooviness, didn't make us very mobile. We have to be carried by Overlords when we want to move," Sugaroth explains.

"Overlords?" asks Lyle.

"Large floating sacks with tentacles," explains Sugaroth.

"Ah," says Lyle.

"Stop delaying your capture with stupid questions!" commands Sugaroth, "It's time to be captured. Zerglings, attack!" The six creatures all raise their heads to look at Kilcrazy and Lyle.

"Bark," barks the biggest one threateningly.

"Bark," the others all respond. They leap at Kilcrazy and Lyle, who dive to the side. They narrowly avoid six powerful jaws.

"HAHAHA, that's right. Good work my precious Zerglings. But remember, we don't want them killed," says Sugaroth.

Kilcrazy ducks beneath one leaping Zergling and fires his shotgun into it's belly. It's blown apart and blood rains down on Kilcrazy.

"I'm singing in the rain," says Kilcrazy, turning to find his next target. He blasts a second Zergling moments before it's jaw closes around his arm.

"Shoot, miss, shoot, miss, shoot, hit, reload, shoot, miss, duck, disappear," says Lyle, activating his cloaking device. To his surprise, the Zerglings still seem to know where he is. He dodges one and shoots, killing it as it passes.

"That's not going to work," Sugaroth taunts, "The ground you're standing on is called Creep, and it's alive. Through it, I can tell exactly where you are, and through me, so can the Zerglings."

"Don't give in," Kilcrazy says to Lyle, "there's only two left to bring down. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!"

"I couldn't agree more sir," says Lyle, "this is a blast."

"Hahaha, that it is soldier," says Kilcrazy, shooting at one of the last two.

"BARK!" it barks in surprise as the back of it's body is shot off.

"Gotcha!" Kilcrazy says.

"Aim, fire," says Lyle, shooting at the last one. The Zergling dodges at the last moment and leaps at Lyle, sinking it's teeth into his chest.

"Scream in pain, AAAAAAARGH!" yells Lyle.

"No, Lyle!" Kilcrazy shouts. He shoots the Zergling off his companion's chest.

"I'm okay, sergeant," says Lyle.

"Soldier, remain here. I'm going to put an end to this. If I'm right, destroying this Sugaroth creature should defeat every Zerg on this planet. You stay here and rest," Kilcrazy orders.

"Right you are, sergeant," says Lyle.

"Good luck finding me," Sugaroth taunts, "I bet you don't know where to start looking." Kilcrazy pushes open a door with Creep spreading out from underneath it. In this room sits a giant worm.

"Darn," says Sugaroth, "err, I mean… I'm not a Zerg… I'm just your everyday giant worm. Nothing unusual here, just minding my own business… La de da…"

"Shut up. You hurt my soldier, now you must die. Actually, you'd be dying anyway, I just wanted to sound noble," says Kilcrazy, firing all his remaining shotgun ammo into the Zerg cerebrate.

"No… this can't be…" Sugaroth gasps, "No Zerg cerebrate has ever been defeated. Overmind, oh groovy one, I have failed you. I've lost the groove, no longer shall I move."

"Hurry up and die…" Kilcrazy says, tapping his foot.

"Hold on, I'm almost done," says Sugaroth, "I'm… losing my connection with you, my Overmind. I'm sorry, but my death shall not be in vain. I have done what you commanded. Even now, a captive of one of these creatures is on his way to you. The Scourge have him."

"What?" gasps Kilcrazy, running back into the other room. He's shocked to find that Lyle is no longer in it.

"No. How?" Kilcrazy asks. Immediately he begins to run back up the steps, out of the building. Behind him, Sugaroth utters his last words, "My only regret is that I relied on Zerglings to protect me…"

Kilcrazy emerges from the building and immediately calls out Lyle's name.

"I'm up here sir," says Lyle. Kilcrazy looks into the sky above. A creature identical to the one they saw fly out of the building earlier is carrying him away.

"Don't worry sir, I'll wing it from here," he shouts down. Kilcrazy salutes Lyle.

"You're a fine soldier Lyle. Don't worry, these monsters won't have you for long. I promise I shall rescue you, and kill every last one of them," Kilcrazy promises. He holds his salute until Lyle is out of sight. He then lowers his hands to his side.

"I hate losing a soldier…" says Kilcrazy to himself.

"You know sir, you could've shot the monster down," says another Ghost, a member of his squadron. Kilcrazy started to feel a bit stupid. He decided he needed to cover up.

"ARE YOU TELLING ME, YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER, WHAT TO DO SOLDIER?" yelled Kilcrazy.

"No sir, it was just a suggestion…" the Ghost pleads.

"A SUGGESTION WAS IT? ARE YOU IN CHARGE HERE? NO! I AM!" he pulls out his gun and shoots the Ghost.

Kilcrazy looks to the sky once more. A stray tear falls down his face.

"That was for you Lyle. I'll never forget you. You made me laugh, and not very many people have ever done that. I will rescue you. Don't worry," Kilcrazy says. He stands there for a moment longer, then leaves to return to the Dropship that had landed him and the other Ghosts on this planet. It was time to regroup with the rest of his unit.


	10. Episode 10

This is more or less the resolution now, so things are going to slow down a little. That's until the next story arc, of course.

Episode 10

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

06/08/2567

That's two episodes now without Jimmy, Captain these cool Firebat fellows or me. Well, I can't really call the Firebats cool, cause they're hot. Really hot. That's because they have flame-throwers, and they're not cool. Well, they are cool, but an awesome kind of cool, not a cold kind of cool. Penguins, now they're cool. They're hot as well, but not a boiling kind of hot, but a good looking kind of hot. Penguins look hot!

Journal of James L. Davies

06/08/2567

Episodes? What is that moron talking about? It's like he thinks our life is split up into segments, where we live each one week by week. What an idiot. He is onto something with those penguins though. Argh! What am I saying? I think his stupidity is rubbing off on me.

###

"So, the creatures that did this are called the Shiarg?" asks Jimmy.

"If what that alien said is true, then yes they are," says Captain Dirk.

"I wish he'd stayed alive long enough for us to learn more," Jimmy says, glaring at Flamento.

"It is not my fault he could not survive the blessing of the flame, my child," Flamento says. As he does so, Jimmy, Daniel, Dirk, Bernie and Flamento emerge from the temple, back into the charred remains of the forest.

"What a beautiful sight!" Bernie exclaims.

"Come, you shall all accompany me to Church _Burnbabyburn_," says Flamento.

"Sounds exciting!" says Captain Dirk.

"Sure, if you're into burning stuff…" says Jimmy.

"Aren't we all?" asks Bernie.

"I was being sarcastic…" says Jimmy.

"After that, I'm afraid we must return to our ship, my unit will be awaiting my return," Captain Dirk announces.

"That sounds fair enough. You shall all be one of the few outsiders to lay witness to the glorious way of the flame which shall soon spread over this entire world," says Flamento.

"Enough talk, let's just get this over with," says Jimmy. He than adds, "Funny, I feel like something is missing…"

"Wooooooooow," says Bernie as his eyes fall on the burning hulk of _Burnbabyburn_.

"It is very impressive," says Captain Dirk.

"It's a burning ship… what's so impressive about that?" asks Jimmy.

"Mind your tongue," Flamento commands, "You speak sacrilege."

"No, please, I don't want to be blessed," comes a cry from in front of the ship. Two people are tied around a wooden pole.

"I don't want to be blessed either! I'm too young to die," says another voice. Jimmy, Daniel, Dirk and Bernie all approach the two people, led by Flamento.

"Rest easy, oh non blessed ones. You need only be blessed once. Should you survive the blessing of our glorious flames, you shall be allowed to join our order. However, if the flames decide you are unworthy, your deaths shall be imminent," says Flamento. Jimmy shakes his head for a moment.

"Is something wrong Jimmy?" asks Captain Dirk, "You can tell me, I care."

"It's nothing really," says Jimmy, "I just can't shake this feeling that something's missing."

"Don't be silly Jimmy, we're all here. You, me and Daniel, three buddies together!" says Captain Dirk. It was then that Jimmy realized what was missing. Daniel hadn't said a word for ages. He turned to face Daniel.

"Are you okay? You've been silent for ages," Jimmy regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth.

###

Journal of James L. Davies

06/08/2567

Peace and quiet at last, and I have to go and ruin it before I even realize I have it. Me and my stupid mouth.

###

"I've just been thinking," says Daniel. Jimmy almost died from shock.

"Oh, I get it, you've been thinking, so your brain doesn't have enough resources to talk right?" asks Jimmy.

"No silly. Well, maybe. I don't know," says Daniel, "Want to know what I was thinking about?"

"Not really…" says Jimmy.

"I've been wondering, just why did the chicken cross the road?" Daniel says.

"Wonderful," says Jimmy.

"Oh, I heard that they're making a television show about that," says Captain Dirk.

"Really?" Daniel says eagerly, "When's it on?"

"While we're on this mission I believe. Don't worry though, I'm recording it. We can watch it together! Buddies!" says Captain Dirk.

"Buddies! You're the greatest Captain," says Daniel.

"Be blessed, my children," Flamento says in a raised voice. Jimmy, Daniel and Dirk all turn to face the two people on the pole just as flames cover their bodies.

"Oops, I was going to try and save them," says Jimmy.

"A bit late now," Captain Dirk says.

"Seems that way," says Jimmy.

"You did your best though, you should have no regrets," says Captain Dirk.

"Well, I didn't really, but I don't have any regrets anyway," says Jimmy.

"That's the spirit! High five!" says Captain Dirk.

"No thanks," says Jimmy. The flames clear, and the two people emerge from the fire, completely burn free.

"Wow, that's cool, err, hot, err, awesome," says Daniel.

"Congratulations, the flames find you worthy, do you wish to join us?" Flamento asks the two survivors.

"Oh please," they both beg, "we will, just don't bless us again."

"It is done then. Welcome to the church of _Burnbabyburn_ and the loyal order of the Firebats," says Flamento.

"Well, now that that's done, I'm afraid we must be on our way," says Captain Dirk to Flamento.

"And not a moment too soon," says Jimmy.

"It's a pity you cannot stay longer," Flamento says, "but I do not wish to delay your journey. Have a safe trip, and take Brother Bernie with you."

"Why me?" Bernie asks.

"Because, Brother Bernie, I give you this holy task. You are to travel the universe and spread the word about the glory of our glorious flame. I entrust this task to you, my friend," says Flamento.

"I'm honoured to be trusted with such a task! I burn with ambition! I shall spread the word about our glorious god all over the universe. THE UNIVERSE SHALL BURN WITH PASSION AND GLORY!" shouts Bernie.

"It's wonderful to have you along," says Captain Dirk to Bernie, "I'm sure you'll fit right in with my unit. It's a pity that you're Firebat buddies won't join us. They really do a great job in the army."

"I don't think they'll be missed," says Jimmy.

"Don't be mean Jimmy," says Captain Dirk, "The Firebats do a good job, and you know it."

"To get to the other side… I wonder if that's really true?" asks Daniel as they entered the drop ship that had carried them down to the planet.

"Captain Dirk, sir," said a nameless Marine, saluting as they entered, "we have received new orders."

"Oh goody! This should be exciting," says Captain Dirk.

"We are to return to the starship _Business_, where we shall inform our respective Admirals about what we have discovered on this planet. The five Admirals shall then meet to decide whether this planet is habitable or not, and reveal the name for this planet," says the soldier.

"Wow, reveal the name, it's like they have nothing better to do," says Jimmy.

###

Meanwhile, in the Admiral's lounge.

"Are all the names in the hat?" asks Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, "Right, let's pull one out then."


	11. Episode 11

Episode 11

On board the starship _Business_, Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, the Admiral in charge of the Marine and Firebat units, addresses his assembled troops in the main meeting room. Half the seats are empty.

"So, what you're saying is the Firebats remained behind to live on the planet?" asks the Admiral.

"That's right sir," says Captain Dirk.

"I see, this is interesting news. To be honest though, we can do without them. I always thought they were too violent anyway. I suppose those tank drivers are worse though…" says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"Also sir, we found the last survivor of an alien race. He informed as it was a group of creatures called the Shiarg who destroyed his race. Unfortunately, he didn't live long enough to tell us anything about the Shiarg. It was so sad," says Captain Dirk.

"He was a liar anyway," Daniel adds, "I know he was watching me change." The other Marines try to hide their laughter. They fail, miserably.

"This is grave news indeed. Oh, I hope it doesn't lead to more violence," says Grievousbodilyharm, "Well, thank you for your reports, I shall now return to the flagship _Admire _to speak with the others."

"It's a pity they didn't know how to spell Admiral when they named the ship, isn't it sir?" asks Jimmy.

'Quite right soldier, quite right," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

###

Admiral Johnson looks over the Ghosts assembled before him. He then turns to Sergeant Kilcrazy.

"How many dead or MIA this time Sergeant?" he asks.

"Three Admiral, but only two from friendly fire," says Kilcrazy.

"That's good. There were lots of Marines lost to friendly fire," says Admiral Johnson.

"Yes, but they were with the Firebats sir," says Kilcrazy.

"Good point Sergeant," says Admiral Johnson, "Well, what did you find down there Kilcrazy?"

"Aliens, Admiral. Hundreds of them, all viscously murdered in their own city. It looked as though it was beautifully done sir," says Kilcrazy.

"You look quite beautiful as well, thank you for your compliment. Continue on," says Admiral Johnson.

"Err, right… We then came across the creatures that murdered them. They call themselves the Zerg," says Kilcrazy.

"The what?" asks Admiral Johnson.

"The Zerg, sir," says Kilcrazy.

"The Shiarg? What an odd name," says Admiral Johnson.

"That'll do sir," says Kilcrazy, "I lost one of my men to them, but I killed a very important creature. One of their leader's most trusted advisors I believe. I imagine they'll be seeking revenge, but I'm ready to KILL!"

"Huh? Wazzat? Sorry, I fell asleep there," says Admiral Johnson.

###

Admiral G stands in front of the Terran army's best drivers. He turns to General Lee Strong for his report.

"Soldier, how did you go?" he shouts out loud.

"GUNG HO SIR!" Lee Strong answers.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" shouts G.

"I SAID GUNG HO SIR!" General Strong answers louder.

"That's the way soldier! Did anyone die?" asks Admiral G loudly.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" answers Strong.

"WONDERFUL!"

"SIR!"

"THAT IS ALL! DID EVERYONE ELSE GO WELL?"

"SIR, GUNG HO, SIR!" the room explodes in sound.

###

Admiral Stephanie's Wraith, Dropship, Valkyrie and Battlecruiser pilots all stand in front of her.

"So, umm, did we drop people well?" she asks Lieutenant Amy.

"We dropped people very well," says Amy, holding a glass cup in her hand. It slips out of her hand and shatters on the floor.

"Oh shoot. Sorry…" she says.

"And did the Wraith's guard well?" asks Stephanie.

"Krsch, very well, krsch," answers Lieutenant Jack, speaking into his radio.

"Then I have nothing else I want to know, bye," says Stephanie.

###

On the medic's starship, Admiral Lucy talks to her medics.

"Did we heal anyone?" she asks.

"Nobody got hurt, Admiral," answers Nurse Jill.

"Well, we did an awful lot then, didn't we… What a waste of time…" says Admiral Lucy.

###

After returning from their debriefing of their troops, the five admirals all gather in the Admiral's lounge on board _Admire_.

"Well, let's get the least important bits over with first. Is the planet habitable?" asks Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"I don't think I'm irritable," says Admiral Johnson.

"The planet is almost perfect," says Admiral Lucy, ignoring Admiral Johnson.

"Only almost?" asks Grievousbodilyharm.

"Yes. The composition of the atmosphere is identical to Earth's. Unfortunately there's a thick cover of smoke which makes living their impossible. It keeps the temperature down to unbearable levels. Nothing can live there," says Lucy.

"Well, we didn't expect to find somewhere to colonize straight away," says Stephanie.

"That's true," Johnson says, hearing fine again.

"Okay," says Grievousbodilyharm, ticking off a checklist, "next item. Our individual reports."

"My medics did nothing," says Lucy.

"That's not very good of them," says Stephanie, "all our troops were working hard, and you're medics did nothing."

"Well, no one got hurt," says Lucy.

"That's always your excuse," says Admiral G.

"Well, if you want my medics to do something, get your guys hurt more often," says Lucy.

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you," says G.

"No, I don't want people to get hurt," says Lucy.

"Yeah, because then you'd have to actually do something. You're obviously the weakest Admiral here," says Stephanie. Admiral Johnson snores in his chair until Grievousbodilyharm wakes him up.

"Well, my troops were GUNG HO! As always," says Admiral G.

"And my troops dropped things very well," says Stephanie.

"My troops have something more disturbing to report," says Johnson, "they found an alien race, completely slaughtered by creatures called the Shiarg. One of my men were captured as well."

"My Marines heard about them as well," says Grievousbodilyharm, "they came across the last survivor of their race. Unfortunately he died too soon to tell us anything more than their name."

"There is good news though. Sergeant Kilcrazy killed one of their leaders. Though it's safe to assume they'll be out for revenge now. We must be on our guard," says Johnson.

"Well, that's that. Now for the most important bit. The name. And, the name we pulled out of the hat is…" says Grievousbodilyharm, "FIREBATIA! What… who came up with that?"

"Burn! Spread the glory of the flames," says Bernie as he sneaks away.

###

"Well, it looks like that planet isn't habitable," Jimmy says, entering the room he shared with Daniel, "something about a thick cloud of smoke. Gee, I wonder what that could be."

"Probably the Firebats," Daniel says.

"No, really? You think?" says Jimmy.

"Well, I'm going to go to the Captain's quarters. We're going to watch the chicken show, then I can have an answer to my question!" says Daniel.

"Have fun. I think I'm going to get some sleep," says Jimmy. He was asleep before Daniel even left the room.

###

Journal of ?

07/08/2567

Look at all the pretty lights. I wonder what this button does. Oh no, ship shaking. I think this was a… BIG MISTAKE. I'm going down. I'm going to crash. I'm crashing…

I crashed…

That was fun, let's do that again… Aww, my ship's not working. Sad.

###

That was the last episode in this story arc of StarKraft. Next time I update, I'll have something special that I think you'll all enjoy. After that, then I'm starting the second story arc. It's not really a sequel, more a continuation of this, so I'll still be uploading it all to here, I won't be starting a new story or anything.


	12. StarKraft Special 1

Yeah, so it's not christmas, but who cares? It's christmas in the StarKraft universe, and what better way to celebrate it than with a StarKraft christmas special! Four times as long as a normal StarKraft episode! If you're thinking this is going to be terribly cheesy, as christmas specials normally are, you'll be wrong.

I'll take this opportunity to give my thanks to all you wonderful people that have given me such wonderful reviews as well. I never thought that so many people would like this so much. I hope you'll all stick with me for the next story arc as well. And, don't keep all the fun for yourselves, tell your friends too! If you've been reading this, and haven't reviewed yet, you should. I like to know what people think. The one thing I ask is, if you don't like it, tell me why so I can improve. Though, if you don't like it, you've probably given up reading long before now...

Anyway, you're probably sick of reading all this now. So, read the story instead. GUNG HO!

StarKraft – The Christmas Special

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

22/12/2567

SANTA IS COMING, SANTA IS COMING, SANTA IS COMING! ONLY THREE MORE SLEEPS TO GO. THIS IS SO EXITING! I know exactly what I'm getting my two bestest buddies, Jimmy and Captain Dirk. I bet they'll be so happy with they're gifts. I wonder what Santa will bring me? Hopefully a trampoline. I've always wanted one of them. I don't know where I'd put it though. My room is very small.

Journal of James L. Davies

22/12/2567

Daniel wants a trampoline for Christmas. There's no way he's getting that from me though. Hopefully he won't get it from anyone. I wonder what I should get him this year? Maybe I'll get him a picture book, or give him that mug with Jenny written on it. He won't know. He can't read properly. He thought it said Jimmy.

###

It is three nights before Christmas, and all through the Starship _Business_ only three creatures are stirring.

"Hold this Jimmy," Captain Dirk says, handing over an object. "Good, now put it up there. Good work Jimmy, that's the spot."

"What about me, Captain? What can I do?" Daniel asks eagerly.

"Let's see. I know! Take these and start placing them all on. Can you do that?" Captain Dirk asks.

"You bet Captain!" Daniel says, taking a box from Captain Dirk.

"Of course you can Daniel buddy! I don't know why I asked," Captain Dirk says, "High five." Daniel high fives Captain Dirk, dropping the box he was holding. As it hits the ground the glass objects inside shatter.

"Oops," says Daniel.

"Don't worry, I've got plenty more where that came from, here you go," Captain Dirk hands Daniel another box.

"You're the greatest Captain!" Daniel says.

"Can I come down the ladder yet?" Jimmy asks.

"Of course you can silly. Come down and help out your buddy," Captain Dirk says to Jimmy. Jimmy comes down that ladder, resisting the urge to point out that Daniel was not his buddy.

Jimmy and Daniel finish their task and step back to fall in beside Captain Dirk. He looks at their work and nods approvingly.

"Alright boys, who wants the honour of plugging this in?" says Captain Dirk, waving the end of a black power cord.

"Daniel can do it," Jimmy says, not really caring.

"No, I think you should do it Captain. This was your brilliant idea buddy!" say Daniel. "High five!"

"High five!" says Captain Dirk, "Thanks Daniel, you're a great buddy."

"And you're a great Captain," says Daniel. Captain Dirk plugs the cord into a power socket and stands back to watch his creation.

"Why isn't it working?" he asks Daniel and Jimmy.

"You have to flick the switch Captain," Jimmy points out.

"Oh, of course. Silly me," says Captain Dirk, flicking the switch. Suddenly the ship's bridge, which was dark before, is lit up as a large Christmas tree comes to life.

"This is the best Christmas tree ever Captain Buddy!" says Daniel.

"And this will be the best Christmas ever as well boys!" Captain Dirk says, stepping forward and placing an arm over both their shoulders. Jimmy politely, but quickly, steps away.

"Well, I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning," Jimmy says, walking away.

"Goodnight buddy!" Captain Dirk and Daniel cry out together.

###

The next morning Admiral Grievousbodilyharm moves the Christmas tree out of the way to a corner of the bridge.

"It's not that I don't like it," he explains to an officer who was giving him the evil eye, "It's just that they stuck it right in front of my chair."

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

23/12/2567

SANTA IS COMING, SANTA IS COMING! I didn't think it was possible for me to be any more exited than I already am, but I was wrong. I'm more exited than I ever have been in my whole exiting life. Jimmy says he won't get me a trampoline, but I think he's lying. I think he just wants me to think that I'm not getting one, then he'll surprise me with one. So, I think I'll keep acting like I'm getting one, that way he'll keep saying I'm not getting one, but really mean I am getting one. Wow, that's kinda confusing. I think. I'm not sure. Head hurts.

Journal of James L. Davies

23/12/2567

So, tomorrow night 'Santa' comes. I wonder what I'll get. I must admit, I've always wanted a jetpack. I imagine that they'd be kinda fun. I doubt I'll get that though. I'll probably get a tea towel with Jenny on it.

###

It's two nights before Christmas, and all through the Starship _Business_ only two creatures are stirring.

"Quiet you idiot, we don't want to wake anyone," Jimmy whispers to Daniel.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says, rubbing his sore knee and glaring at the wall.

"Why did you want to come out at this hour anyway?" Jimmy asks.

"I haven't seen Captain Dirk all day, and I'm worried about him. Aren't you worried as well? What if something has happened to our greatest Captain Buddy?" Daniel worriedly asks.

"He's your buddy, not mine," Jimmy whispers. Daniel stares blankly at him, then laughs loudly.

"You're joking. I can never tell with you. You're such a kidder Jimmy," he says, still laughing loudly.

"Whatever," Jimmy says, "And shut up."

"Sure thing buddy!" says Daniel. They continue along the passageway towards Captain Dirk's room. They come to his door and Daniel taps softly against the metal.

"Wh-who is it?" a voice nervously asks.

"It's us Captain Dirk, you're two bestest buddies!" Daniel announces loudly. Jimmy shakes his head. Daniel was hopeless.

"Oh… hi buddies. I'm kind of busy right now, do you think you could come back sometime later?" Captain Dirk requests.

"See, he's busy, nothing wrong with that. He's perfectly fine. Now let's go so I can get some sleep," Jimmy says.

"I'll just come in for a moment okay Captain? I want to tell you about my day!" Daniel says excitedly. He pushes open the door a fraction, but it's quickly slammed shut again in his face.

"Ouch," says Daniel, rubbing his nose.

"Please, I can't be disturbed. I'll speak with you tomorrow, okay boys?" Captain Dirk requests.

"Okay Captain buddy. I'm sure it must be something really great you're doing in there!" Daniel says.

"You bet it is Daniel buddy!" the Captain responds.

"High five!" says Daniel.

"High five!" says Captain Dirk. They both slam their hands against the door.

"Ouch," they both say, shaking their hands.

"Idiots…" Jimmy mutters, "Come on, let's go."

"Okay buddy," Daniel says, following Jimmy down the passage back to their room. Once they arrive, Daniel turns to face Jimmy.

"Jimmy, I think Captain Dirk is hiding somebody," Daniel says.

"Why do you say that?" asks Jimmy.

"Cause I think he's hiding someone, and I wanted to tell you about it. That's why I said 'Jimmy, I think Captain Dirk is hiding somebody'," Daniel explains.

"No, I mean why do you think he's hiding someone?" Jimmy asks.

"Oh. Well, just before the door hit my nose, I managed to see inside his room. There was someone else inside with him, but all I could see was a black beard and a white hat. That's all. Captain Dirk doesn't have any of them," says Daniel.

"Maybe it's a friend of his," Jimmy says, lying down in his bed, "good night." Daniel stares blankly at him, then bursts out laughing.

"You're joking again! You're so funny buddy. You know we're Captain Dirk's only and bestest buddies," Daniel says, laughing himself to sleep.

###

That night, a figure, sneaks onto the _Business's _bridge. He approaches the ship's sound system, which was connected to all the ship's speakers, and places a small disc into a slot. He then presses play. Christmas music starts pouring out of all the ship's speakers quite loudly.

"Perfect," Captain Dirk says to himself, before returning to his chambers.

###

The next morning Admiral Grievousbodilyharm turns the volume down quite a bit to a more polite level.

"It's not that I don't like it," he explains to the evil-eye officer, "It's just that it makes it really hard to hear the television." He turns on the TV to catch the morning news on TNN.

"Hello, and welcome to TNN morning news edition," says Tracy the Newsreader. "This morning, well, you know the saying no news is good news? It's a lie. No news is really bad news. Firstly, I don't get paid if I don't spend half an hour reading the news, and it's really hard to do that when there is none. Secondly, no news means that this show isn't at all interesting. Who'd want to watch a news program without any news? I guess there is some good news though. There's no need to cross to Mark if there's no news. I'M KEEPING THE HOUSE, DO YOU HEAR ME MARK? YOU CAN KEEP YOUR STUPID CAT. IT'S NOT TOILET TRAINED ANYWAY! AND THE CAR, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON YOUR USELESS CAR! We'll be back after this short break." The image on the TV changes to a small twig. Someone breaks it in half. The image goes back to Tracy.

"So… no news. Hmm. I guess I could sing. I've always imagined myself having a career as a famous singer. Maybe someone will notice me if I sing on air. That'd be nice. Then I could…" Tracy is cut off as Admiral Grievousbodilyharm turns off the television.

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

24/12/2567

OMIGOSH, OMIGOSH, OMIGOSH! SANTA COMES TONIGHT! I'M SO EXITED I CAN'T SLEEP! Actually, that might be because it's morning and I just woke up and I'm not tired yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not exited!

Journal of James L. Davies.

24/12/2567

I wonder if I can find somewhere else to sleep tonight? If Daniel is too excited, there's no way I'll be able to get any.

Why does that sentence sound so wrong?

###

It is the night before Christmas, and all through the Starship _Business _only three creatures are stirring. The man, dressed in white with a black beard and a white hat creeps through the passageways of the ship. Daniel and Jimmy follow quietly behind, watching him as he goes.

"I told you I saw him," Daniel whispers to Jimmy.

"And I believed you," Jimmy lies, staying close to the man.

"I wonder where he's going?" Daniel asks.

"Only one way to find out," Jimmy says, following him around a corner.

"Yes, but if we ask him, he'll know we're here," says Daniel, "and I don't think that's a very good idea."

"That wasn't the way I was thinking of," Jimmy says.

"Oh? Well, I don't know about you, but I can't read minds, so that won't work either," says Daniel.

"That's not it either," says Jimmy.

"Well, that's the only ways I can think of. Looks like we'll never know where he's going," says Daniel, following behind Jimmy as Jimmy followed the man.

"We'll find out if we keep following him, stupid," says Jimmy.

"Oh, is that what we're doing?" Daniel asks, "I thought you were trying to catch him up to ask him where he's going."

"No," Jimmy says sarcastically, "I'm getting close enough to use my mind reading powers."

"Oh wow. So you do have mind reading powers. Cool. Wait, then why did you say that wasn't how we were going to find out?" Daniel asks.

"Because we're not, idiot," says Jimmy.

"Oh, I get it," says Daniel. He thinks for a bit. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry. Just follow me and stay close," Jimmy says.

"Follow you?" asks Daniel.

"Yes," Jimmy answers.

"But I thought we were following that man?" Daniel says.

"We are," says Jimmy.

"But then how come you want me to follow you? You're not making any sense at all buddy. I think you might be a little confused," says Daniel. Jimmy sighs in defeat and continues to follow the man.

"He's gone," says Jimmy, rounding a corner.

"Who has?" asks Daniel.

"The man we were following," says Jimmy.

"Ah," says Daniel. Jimmy looks at Daniel for a moment, then shakes his head. It wasn't worth continuing this conversation.

"We might as well return to our rooms," Jimmy says, "We'll tell the admiral about it in the morning."

"Why can't we tell our Captain buddy?" asks Daniel.

"Because the Admiral has more intelligence," says Jimmy.

"Is intelligence another word for authority?" asks Daniel.

"You could say that, yes," says Jimmy.

"You're so smart buddy! I wish I was as smart as you!" says Daniel.

"Don't we all," says Jimmy, "Don't we all."

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

25/12/2567

WOOOOOOOOOOOW. IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY! I'M SO EXITED! I think I've said that in every journal entry of mine for the past month now. Being exited, that is, not saying it's Christmas Day. It'd be good if everyday was Christmas Day though. I have to go to the bridge with my buddy Jimmy now. Captain Dirk (He who is wonderfully superably great) said that Santa would leave all the Christmas presents under the tree there. I'm so exited. I'm going to give Jimmy his present first though. I bet he'll like it heaps!

Journal of James L. Davies

25/12/2567

I must admit, I do share some of Daniel's excitement about today. I always did enjoy Christmas. Well, except for my Jenny mug every year. But apart from that, it's pretty good.

###

"GOOD MORNING BUDDY!" Daniel shouts, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"Merry Christmas Daniel," Jimmy responds, surprising himself by smiling.

"Here's your present!" Daniel says, thrusting a package into Jimmy's hands.

"Wow, it's…" Jimmy says, examining the package, "not mug shaped."

"Open it, open it!" Daniel says, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Alright," Jimmy says, opening the package. A key ring with Jenny written on it falls out. He picks it up and looks at it.

"Do you like it?" Daniel asks. Jimmy looks at Daniel.

"It's the thought that counts, I guess," Jimmy says. Daniel takes that as a yes. He leaps forward and hugs Jimmy.

"Yay! I'm so glad you like it buddy!" says Daniel.

"Yes, that's nice. No hugging, please," says Jimmy. Daniel lets go.

"Sorry, your present isn't ready yet, but I can give it to you after we see what Santa brought you," Jimmy says.

"Okay, that's fine! Come on! Let's see what Santa brought us!" says Daniel, dragging Jimmy out of bed and into the passageway.

###

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm enters the bridge, followed by the Evil Eye officer, who is giving him the evil eye.

"It's not that I don't like them," he says, dangling a pair of fluffy dice, "It's just that they don't seem very professional. We are the military after all." The Admiral's eyes fall on the tree, then onto the packages under the tree.

"Mysterious," he says. He approaches the packages with caution. He leans in close, picks one up and holds it up to his ear.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick," says the package. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm immediately drops the package and runs to the other side of the bridge.

"Goodness me," he says, "it's a bomb!"

"A bomb?" asks the Evil Eye officer.

"Yes, a bomb! Listen to it. It's ticking!" says Grievousbodilyharm.

"Are you sure it's not a clock sir?" asks the Evil Eye officer.

"In a package that big? I don't think so," says the Admiral. The Evil Eye officer looks at the package, hears the ticking, and runs to the other side of the room to join the Admiral.

"What are we going to do sir?" she shrieks hysterically.

"I don't know," he responds in equal hysteria. Then, much more calmly, "Wait, you're a woman?"

"Yes sir," responds the Evil Eye officer.

"Strange, I hadn't noticed before," says the Admiral.

"So I see sir," she says, "so, what are we going to do?"

"Panic," suggests the Admiral.

"I can do that," she says, and screams out loud.

###

Alarms ring out loudly across the ship, in time to Jingle Bells, which is currently playing over the sound system. As Daniel and Jimmy run towards the bridge, it changes to Deck the Halls and the frequency of the alarm changes as well to stay in tune.

"What's do you think is happening?" Jimmy asks Daniel. He then immediately wonders why. Daniel wouldn't have a clue.

"The alarm is ringing," says Daniel not at all helpfully.

"Let's get to the bridge and find out what's going on," Jimmy suggests. The two eventually arrive at the bridge, only to find Admiral Grievousbodilyharm and an officer hiding underneath a desk.

"Merry Christmas!" Daniel shouts over the alarm.

"Merry Christmas, soldier," the Admiral shouts from under the desk.

"What's happening, Admiral?" Jimmy asks. The Admiral points over to the presents under the tree.

"Bomb," he simply says.

"A bomb!" Daniel shouts. He joins them under the table. Jimmy shakes his head. He turns off the alarm.

"Why'd you do that?" asks the Evil Eye officer.

"So I could think properly," says Jimmy.

"But now people won't know to be scared," says the officer, "Isn't that right Admiral."

"Quite right. Right now, I don't know what to feel. The alarm removes all doubt. I know to be terrified for my life," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm explains.

"You could try and remain calm and think of a solution instead," Jimmy suggests.

"Hmm, interesting, but I don't think I have an alarm for that," says the Admiral.

"Maybe the Christmas music will help," Officer Evil Eye suggests. The song changes to The First Noel.

"Ah, that appears to be working. Good work officer. You'll have a promotion soon at this rate," says the Admiral.

"Thank you sir," she smiles. Jimmy ignored the fact that he didn't receive any credit at all.

"Now, what do you think we should do?" Jimmy asks.

"Let's see, hmm… Who would know something about bombs?" The Admiral asks out loud.

"A GHOST!" shrieks Daniel, "No, wait, nevermind. It was just my reflection in the glass. Silly me."

"A ghost, of course. Excellent thinking there. You're a fine Marine… whatever your name is," says the Admiral.

"Daniel sir!" says Daniel saluting.

"Yes, that's nice. Officer, get a Ghost over here, now," The Admiral orders.

"Right away sir," says Officer Evil Eye. Moments later, Sergeant Kilcrazy is bent over the suspect package, examining it closely. He stands up and turns to face the four other people in the room who are all eagerly awaiting his report.

"Well, it's definitely a bomb," he says.

"How bad is it Sergeant?" Admiral Grievousbodilyharm asks.

"Well, my tests indicate that there's enough fuel in there to disconnect this entire bridge from the ship itself. The bridge would be separated in a glorious explosion, and all the occupants would be incinerated instantly. Any one close to the bridge would be sucked out into the vacuum of space, where they would succumb to a cold death, starved of oxygen. So many would die. AHAHAHAHAHA!" Kilcrazy laughs disturbingly evilly.

"Can we deactivate it?" asks the Admiral.

"I wouldn't know where to begin," Sergeant Kilcrazy admits, "I fear that the bomb may be rigged to explode the moment someone opens the package. I'd need more time to study it. Time I'm not sure we have."

"Is there anything else we could do Admiral?" asks Officer Evil Eye, panic beginning to creep into her voice again.

"It's beginning to look like we might have to abandon ship," admits Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, "what a vile act of terrorism this is."

"Terrorism?" Jimmy quietly says to himself. A few key memories suddenly came back to him.

"Jimmy, I think Captain Dirk is hiding somebody," Daniel had said to him a few nights back.

"Cool, I'm talking in your head," Daniel says. Jimmy ignores him. Then there was that man from the other night. Black beard, white hat, black beard, white hat.

"I think I know where the terrorist is," Jimmy announces.

"You do?" Daniel asks, "How?"

"You know as well," Jimmy says.

"I do? Wow, you know I know something I don't know," says Daniel.

"Yeah, something like that. But think about it. There was that man last night with the black beard and white hat. The same man you thought you saw in Captain Dirk's room," Jimmy points out.

"Of course!" Daniel says, "So where is he then?"

"In Captain Dirk's room of course," says Jimmy.

"No way! It all makes sense now," says Daniel, "The terrorist must have snuck into Captain's room that morning and threatened to kill him if he let anyone find out he was hiding there. That's why he didn't let us in!"

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" Jimmy says, "Wait, how did you figure that out?"

"Umm, I forget," says Daniel.

"If all this is true," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, "Then we must get to Captain Dirk's quarters now. Only the terrorist will know how to dismantle the bomb. Sergeant Kilcrazy, stay here and see what you can learn about the bomb. The rest of you, come with me."

"Yes sir!" they all respond.

###

Sergeant Kilcrazy was closely examining the bomb when someone else entered the bridge behind him.

"Back already? That terrorist didn't take long to capture," he says without turning around. Nobody responded. He turns around just in time to see a Firebat pointing his flamethrower at him.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!" Bernie cries out, and begins to pull on the trigger.

"No. You stupid Firebat. Don't do that," Sergeant Kilcrazy orders.

"No burning?" asks Bernie.

"No, no burning. See, that's a bomb there, and if you burn it, it will blow this whole ship up in a glorious ball of fire," says Kilcrazy.

"A glorious ball of fire?" asks Bernie.

"Yes, that's right," says Kilcrazy.

"Then I must burn it! The world must know the glory of the flames!" says Bernie eagerly. Kilcrazy realises he probably isn't approaching the situation in quite the right way.

"Go burn something else you stupid Firebat," Kilcrazy yells, "Before I shoot your stupid head off."

"Very well, but it's your loss. I put all this on your shoulders. If anyone complains about not being blessed, it's all your fault," says Bernie, "besides, I'm out of fuel anyway." With that, Bernie leaves the room and Kilcrazy goes back to his work.

###

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm turns to General Lee Strong as they walk down the passage to Captain Dirk's room.

"General Strong, thankyou for coming on such short notice. We're in need of someone of your strength," says the Admiral.

"GUNG HO!" cries Strong, "Always happy to help sir." They arrive at Captain Dirk's room and tap on the door.

"Nobody's here," says Captain Dirk.

"Oh, hi Nobody, is Captain Dirk there?" Daniel asks.

"No he's not," Nobody says.

"Give it up, we know you're a terrorist and that you've been threatening Captain Dirk. Now, come out and tell us how to deactivate the bomb," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"GUNG HO!" shouts General Strong.

"Wait, what?" says Nobody.

"There's no point playing innocent. We're coming in. Strong, break down that door," the Admiral commands.

"Door, you're going DOWN!" General Strong yells and barges into the door with a loud "GUNG HO!" The door crashes to the ground and reveals Nobody the terrorist, in his white suit and black beard.

"Stop, there's some misunderstanding," says the terrorist, "I'm not a terrorist, I'm Captain Dirk." Nobody the terrorist pulls of his hat and beard. Sure enough, it's Captain Dirk.

"Captain, buddy," Daniel says, "You're a terrorist? I feel so betrayed." Daniel starts to cry.

"No, Daniel, I'm not. You see…" Captain Dirk says.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! YOU LIED TO ME. LYING IS BAD!" Daniel shouts. He then turns to Jimmy, "Why didn't you know? Why didn't you know he was a terrorist? You're always so smart, you should've known."

"How should I have known? It's not like I'm a mind reader," says Jimmy. Daniel stares at Jimmy, seeming to be more hurt than before.

"Now you're lying to me as well. How could you? Betrayed by my two closest buddies. This is too much," Daniel cries.

"What? How have I betrayed you? And I'm not your buddy," says Jimmy.

"No, it's too late for that. Your jokes won't cheer me up now. You told me you were a mind reader, and now you go and say that you're not. You lied to me Jimmy, you lied to me. So did you Captain. And I thought you were both my friends," Daniel buries his hands in his head.

"Daniel, I…" Captain Dirk says, "Please, you've misunderstood me. I'm not a terrorist. I don't know anything about a bomb. You have to believe me."

"Why should I, liar?" asks Daniel.

"Because I'm not a liar, or a terrorist. You see, I'm wearing this costume because I wanted to dress up as Santa so I could deliver gifts to all the girls and boys on board the ship," Captain Dirk explains.

"That's so touching," Officer Evil Eye says, rubbing a tear away.

"Is… is this true Captain?" Daniel asks.

"Yes, you have to believe me. I would never lie to you or Jimmy. You two are my only buddies," says Captain Dirk.

"Captain, I'm sorry I doubted you," Daniel cries out, and hugs the Captain closely. Captain Dirk returns the hug.

"But wait, doesn't Santa have a red suit and a white beard?" asks Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"Yes," Captain Dirk admits, "But the ship's costume department was rather limited, so I had to improvise."

"Well, I'm glad that's all settled," says Jimmy. Both Captain Dirk and Daniel turn to stare at him.

"What'd I do?" he asks.

"You still lied to Daniel," says Captain Dirk.

"And I still haven't forgiven you," says Daniel.

"Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it idiot?" Jimmy asks. Daniel starts laughing.

"Oh, I can't stay mad at you, bestest buddy. It is Christmas after all," Daniel says, "Here, group hug." He beckons Jimmy in close.

"No, that's fine. Don't we have a bomb to take care of?" Jimmy asks.

"Yes, about that. I think I know what that might be," says Captain Dirk.

They return to the bridge, only to find Sergeant Kilcrazy gone. A note has been left behind.

"He's gone!" says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"And he's left a note," says Officer Evil Eye.

"General Strong has gone as well," Jimmy points out.

"He's probably gone back to his own ship to open his Christmas presents," says Daniel.

"What does the note says?" asks the Admiral. Officer Evil Eye reads it aloud.

"I can't figure out how to deactivate. I've retreated back to my ship. Your death will be glorious and gritty, HAHAHAHAHA!" she reads.

"Did he really write that last part?" asks the Admiral.

"Oddly enough, yes," says Officer evil eye. Captain Dirk walks over and picks up the suspect package.

"Careful Captain, that's the bomb," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm points out.

"No it's not. Here Jimmy, this is for you," says Captain Dirk, handing it over, "Go on, open it."

"Are you sure it's safe?" Jimmy asks, eyeing the package suspiciously.

"Of course it is silly," Captain Dirk laughs, "Now just open it." Jimmy carefully opens the package, and removes the contents.

"Wow," he says, eyeing a jetpack, "how did you know I wanted one of these?"

"Maybe I'm a mind reader," says Captain Dirk. Everyone stares at him in silence. Creepy music plays over the ship's speakers.

"Oops, how'd that get on the end of my CD?" Captain Dirk asks, pressing stop on the CD player.

"But Captain, that doesn't explain the ticking," Officer Evil Eye points out.

"Oh, that was from the alarm clock that I accidentally put inside it when I was making it," Captain Dirk says, "I can never get up in time in the mornings now."

Jimmy, starting to feel bad, opens his mouth to explain he hadn't gotten anything for the captain. Then an idea hits him.

"Here Captain, this is for you," says Jimmy, handing over a mug shaped package. The Captain opens it.

"Wow, a mug with your name on it. Now I'll never forget you," says Captain Dirk, examining the Jenny mug.

"I got you a video about Chickens captain!" says Daniel, handing over his present.

"Thank you Daniel. Thankyou so much boys and girls. This is the best Christmas ever," says Captain Dirk. He looks under the tree and pulls out a package for Officer Evil Eye and one for Admiral Grievousbodilyharm. They open their packages.

"Wow, sunglasses. Stylish," says Officer Evil Eye, "Now the sun won't get in my eyes when I'm piloting the ship."

"What is this?" asks Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, holding up a Beanie.

"It's a beanie sir," says Officer Evil Eye, "You wear it on your head. It's very stylish."

"Stylish hey? I might wear it then," he says putting it on his head. Daniel looks expectantly at Jimmy.

"Can I have my present now?" Daniel asks Jimmy.

"Umm. Wait here," says Jimmy, "I'll have a surprise for you waiting in our room when you get back." He runs off without saying another word.

"Wheeeee!" Daniel cries, jumping up an down in the room he shares with Jimmy. Jimmy tosses and turns on his bed, trying to sleep.

###

Journal of James L. Davies

27/12/2567

I was desperate. I had to get him something, and this was all I could think of. I don't know how much more I can put up with this. I can hardly move around the room anymore. Only a little over a month till we reach our next destination. Maybe, just maybe, some fearsome alien creature will eat him there. Wouldn't that be a great Christmas present.

To make things worse, some idiot gave Bernie more fuel for Christmas. I can't wait to test out my jetpack though the next time we land somewhere. This is going to be awesome.

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

27/12/2567

TRAMPOLINES ARE SO MUCH FUN! Jimmy is the bestest buddy ever for getting me one. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh wow. I've been so excited over the past few days, I didn't even notice I'd been spelling it exited again. Isn't that funny? WHEEEEEEE!


	13. Episode 12

Welcome to the second story arc, which I've title "The Meewai Saga".

Just a note that updates for this may slow down just a little bit now, because there's a few other projects which I have up my sleeve. I'll still do my best to upload one a week though. That is why I made the chapters/episodes prettyshort in the first place, so that it'd be easier to write one each week.

The more reviews I get, the happier I am! You don't want me to be unhappy now, do you? So, you'd better review everyone, or I'll be sad. hehehehehe

Episode 12

---

Journal of James L. Davies

2/2/2568

The past month and a bit has been one of the hardest periods of my life. If you don't believe me, you try putting up with Daniel on a trampoline. It's even worse when Captain Dirk joins in as well.

---

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" cries Daniel.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cries Captain Dirk.

"This is so much fun Captain buddy!" Daniel yells as he bounces on the trampoline.

"I know buddy! HIGH FIVE!" Captain Dirk cries. He high fives Daniel while in the air.

Meanwhile, aboard the bridge of the Starship Business, Admiral Grievousbodilyharm sat back in his chair, ready to watch the morning news. Officer Evil Eye watched over his shoulder.

"Hello, and welcome to the TNN morning news, I'm your host Tracy. I'm also single now, so any unmarried men feel free to contact me. My contact number should be on the bottom of the screen now," says Tracy the Newsreader. She indicates the bottom of the screen as a message pops up saying:

"Don't fall for it guys. She's a control freak. Let her grow old and lonely by herself. She deserves it!"

"CURSE YOU MARK! EVEN NOW YOU'RE INTERFERING WITH MY LIFE! WE'RE DIVORCED DAMMIT, DIVORCED!" Tracy shouts.

"See, how can you live with that?" the message changes. Tracy shakes her head, and refers to her notes.

"Now for the latest news on the Terran Expansion Mission, which is well into its six month of exploration. Already they've examined one potential planet. If you don't remember though, this planet was found to be covered by a mysterious thick layer of smoke, and therefore uninhabitable.

"TNN is now able to reveal more information on the events that occurred on this planet, which was named Firebatia by the five Admirals in charge. To do so, we now play this pre-recorded interview between Admiral G and Bubbles, our roving goldfish reporter," Tracy says. The interview starts to play.

"Bloop," says Bubbles.

"Thankyou, it's EXCELLENT to be here," Admiral G says, trying to control his enthusiasm.

"Bloop. Bloop bloop bloop, bloop bloop?" Bubbles asks.

"Well yes, it is well known that we found evidence of alien life on this planet. It's also well known that these aliens had all been brutally destroyed in a GUNG HO, err… I mean brutal display of, umm, brutality," says Admiral G.

"What hasn't been revealed though is the cause of this mass Genocide. We know that the creatures that did this are called the Shiarg. From eyewitness accounts, we know that these creatures are insect like in appearance. One of our Ghost's managed to destroy what he claims to be a leader among their people, a Cerebrate. Unfortunately, in the process, they captured one of our own," Admiral G finishes. The screen then goes back to Tracy.

"And, there's more to that interview, but it's not very interesting, so we won't play it. Instead, we'll go to part two of our special feature about why the chicken crossed the road," says Tracy. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm turns the television off.

"I think you did a better job when you appeared on that show at the start of all this, sir," says Officer Evil Eye.

"Thankyou Officer. Yes, I can definitely see a promotion for you sometime in the future."

"This is it!" says Captain Dirk, as the Chicken Special starts.

"Finally, we can have our answer!" Daniel cries.

"We can find out why the chicken crossed the road. I bet it's because he was pushed," says Captain Dirk.

"No, that's silly. It's obvious that he did it to reach his long lost love, who lived on the other side," says Daniel.

"Of course! I think you're onto something there. And maybe, just maybe, he's been prevented from crossing the road to reach his love by the fearsome car monsters that guard the road," says Captain Dirk.

"YES! And he decides to sneak across, under the cover of night, hoping that the beasts won't spot him," says Daniel.

"Of course they do though, and it's a tragic ending, as he never makes it to the other side," says Captain Dirk.

"Instead of guessing, why don't you just shut up and watch the show," Jimmy suggests.

"Oh. You're right Jimmy buddy. We've missed most of it already," says Daniel, turning back to the show.

"Oopsie daisies, silly us," says Captain Dirk, also turning to the show.

"And the real reason why the chicken crossed the road, is…" says the presenter, before he's cut off by a voiceover guy.

"We interrupt this program with…" says the voiceover guy.

"We interrupt this interruption with an interrupting interruption," another voiceover guy cuts in, "We shall now cross live to…"

"We interrupt this interruption which is interrupting an interruption interrupting a chicken show with an interruption designed to interrupt the previous interrupting interruptions," says another voiceover, "This interrupting interruption shall now be…"

"Interrupted by the original interruption, which is quite annoyed at being interrupted by not just one interrupting interruption but by two interrupting interruptions, both designed to interrupt an already present interruption which was doing a fine job interrupting in the first place," says the first voiceover.

"But it's my job to interrupt," says the second.

"Yeah, mine too," says the third.

"Wow, interruption's a kinda funny word when you hear it so many times like that," says Daniel.

"Hey, no interrupting!" the first voiceover interrupts, "That's…"

"Yeah, that's our job!" interrupts the second.

"Hey, you interrupted me!" the first accuses.

"I'm so…" starts the second.

"Well, it is his job," the third interrupts.

"Hey, now you interrupted me!" says the second.

"Well, what are you going to…" starts the third.

"This is du…" the first interrupts.

"I…" the second interrupts.

"You…" the first interrupts.

"Stupid…" interrupts the third.

"The…" interrupts the first.

"Come…" interrupts the second

"CHICKEN!" interrupts a man dancing about in a yellow chicken suit.

"Now go buy some. Ah, finally. No more interruptions. I can get on with the story that I'm meant to be presenting," says Tracy, "But first, I'd like to introduce my fellow commentators for this exciting event. On my left is Chicken Man."

"CHICKEN!" Chicken Man shouts, standing up to dance.

"And on my right is Bubbles," says Tracy.

"Bloop," says Bubbles.

"Ah Bubbles, as witty and observant as always," Tracy laughs, "Now, on with…"

"Tracy, I love you! Marry me!" an interrupter interrupts.

"Get lost," Tracy says. A message appears on the bottom of screen, reading: "See, a control freak."

"Now, we've just heard that the Terran Expansion Mission is about to set down on the second planet to be researched. We'll be bringing you the following events live!" says Tracy.

"Wait…" says Captain Dirk.

"We're about to land? Do you know about this Captain?" asks Jimmy.

"No, this is the first I've heard about it," says Captain Dirk.

"Does the Admiral know?" asks Jimmy.

"I'm not sure. I think we should head to the bridge," says Captain Dirk.

"Hehe, I want a dancing chicken," says Daniel.

"Got any fives?" asks Officer Evil Eye.

"Go fish," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, "Got any threes?"

"Go fish. Got any…" says Officer Evil Eye.

"Admiral!" Captain Dirk cries, entering the bridge.

"What is it, Captain?" asks the Admiral.

"Sir, I think you should turn on the news," says Captain Dirk. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm looks at Captain Dirk strangely, but turns the television on anyway. It shows five ships orbiting around a planet. All but one has stopped descending towards the planet.

"Hmm, I wonder when they filmed this?" says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"I don't recognise the footage," says Officer Evil Eye.

"It's live, sir," says Captain Dirk.

"Well, it appears the ship's have entered orbit, but one is still approaching," says Tracy.

"Bloop," says Bubbles.

"That's right. If it keeps approaching like that, it will definitely burn up in the atmosphere," says Tracy. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm looks out the viewing screen and swears under his breath as he notices the planet growing closer and closer.

"I think the Admiral pooed his pants," Daniel whispers to Captain Dirk and Jimmy. Jimmy just rolls his eyes.

"Well, it's understandable. Seeing how close that planet is must really have surprised him," says Captain Dirk.

"CHICKEN!" Chicken Man shouts.

"Bloop. Bloop bloop," Bubbles responds.

"CHICKEN! CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN?" asks Chicken Man.

"Bloop bloop bloop, bloop bloop. Bloop," Bubbles answers.

"CHICKEN CHICK CHICK CHICKEN! CHI…"

"I hate to interrupt…" starts the first voiceover.

"Oh no you don't, you love it," interrupts the second.

"Curse you and your interruptions!" says the first.

"Bloop," says Bubbles.

"You're exactly right Bubbles, that ship seems to have finally entered orbit. Phew, I was kind of worried there for a moment," says Tracy. A message appears on the bottom of the screen.

"That's funny. Tracy doesn't look like a dog to me," says Daniel.

"They got the female part right though," says Captain Dirk.

"I don't think that's quite what that word means…" says Jimmy.

---

Journal of ?

2/2/2568

I've been stuck in my ship for six months now, and I'm running out of button's to press. There's only one left. That big red one with the "do not push" sign on it. I can't resist. I must press it.

Hey, that's funny, my ship's gone. There was this large explosion, and now my ship's gone. No more buttons to press. Sad. Guess I'll start walking and see where it leads me.

Wait, I haven't eaten for six months. Shouldn't I be dead. Crud, I think I'm about to…

---

"We interrupt this journal with an interruption, as the writer is dead. We apologise for any incon…" says the first voiceover.

"Well, he might not really be dead. For all you know, he could still be alive," interrupts the third, "I guess…"

"I guess they'll just have to keep reading to find out," interrupts the second.

"I was going to say that…" says the third.

"So was I actually," interrupts the first. Their conversation is interrupted by the end of the episode.


	14. Episode 13

Episode 13

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

3/2/2568

Wow. Another planet to explore with my bestest buddies Captain Dirk and Jimmy! It's been so long since we were last on land. I wonder if that Firebat Bernie will be coming with us. I think he should. It's better with a lot of friends. Jimmy seems unsure though…

Journal of James L. Davies

3/2/2568

As nice as it is to be getting off this ship, it'd be much better if I wasn't stuck with Captain Dirk and Daniel. I really should put in a request to be assigned to another unit. At least Bernie isn't coming with us, so I guess that's a positive.

Journal of Bernie V. Hawt

3/2/2568

Been…so long… I haven't seen my god, the beautiful dancing flames for way too long. There's nothing to bless. Jimmy has said that everything on the ship has already been blessed by the blessed redness. Fortunately, they're letting me down onto this new planet, where I'm sure to meet unblessed people. Not to mention plenty of fuel. Hehehehe, BURN!

###

"Alright boys and girls, are we already to go?" Captain Dirk asks. Nobody responds. Nobody except Daniel, that is.

"Yes sir Captain Dirk buddy!" Daniel answers.

"Wonderful! Let's depart then to this exciting new planet!" says Captain Dirk. A voice shouting his name delays the departure for another moment.

"Captain Dirk, wait please," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, approaching the Dropship.

"Yes Admiral, how can I help you?" Captain Dirk asks.

"I've got another soldier to take to the planet with you," says the Admiral. Bernie walks into the ship. "I'm sure you know Bernie already."

"Of course I do! His flamethrower will definitely come in handy," says Captain Dirk.

"Excellent. Be off then. Good luck Captain," says the Admiral. Captain Dirk salutes in response.

###

Journal of James L. Davies

3/2/2568

No, not Bernie. This can't be happening. This isn't fair. I want out…

###

The door to the Dropship closes, denying Jimmy his wish. The Dropship leaves the docking bay and heads towards the planet's surface.

"This is your pilot speaking, Lieutenant Amy," says the pilot, speaking over an intercom, "I ensure that you'll all enjoy a comfortable and relaxing journey at my capable hands, and we'll reach the planet's surface in no time." All of a sudden the ship violently shakes.

"What was that?" asks Jimmy.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," says Captain Dirk.

"Are you frightened buddy? I hope not, because I didn't bring a spare pair of pants this time. You didn't need them last time, so I didn't think to bring them this time," says Daniel. Lieutenant Amy's voice once again comes over the intercom.

"Ehehe, oops. Sorry about that. I kinda, dropped the intercom, and it landed on a button it shouldn't have. There's nothing to worry about though, as you'll find escape pods just underneath your cabin…" the voice trails off for a bit, before coming back, quieter than before, "except I forgot to attach them…"

"So, this is how I'm going to die then, is it?" Jimmy asks rhetorically, "I'd always assumed that you'd have something to do with it Daniel."

"Wow Jimmy. I'm so glad you can still joke at a time like this. It shows that you really are much braver than before. I'm very proud of you buddy," says Daniel.

"Oh, wait, hold on. It's alright everybody. I didn't press the self-destruct button. All that shaking was just the engines detaching. Right now, we're drifting without any control… Oh shoot, that's not good at all," says Lieutenant Amy.

"Ah, it gets better," Jimmy says, "Now, instead of a quick, fiery death, it will be a slow one, starved of oxygen."

"It could be worse," Daniel says.

"How?" Jimmy asks.

"Oxygen… the fuel of my wonderful god. He can't live without it. I must honour my god until the end!" Bernie says. He pulls out his flamethrower and starts burning the padding on his seat. "Yes, YES! BURN! BE FREE MY GOD!"

"Oh, that's how," says Jimmy.

"Well everybody, things aren't quite as bad as they seem. Apparently we're still approaching the planet at the correct trajectory to safely enter the atmosphere without burning up," says Amy.

"Aww, no fair," Bernie comments.

"We'll probably be in for a rough landing though, so be sure to buckle up. We should arrive at the planet in only a few hours. In the meantime, if you feel like putting a lunch order in, you'll find a menu beneath you're seat. Meals are served upon landing. If the food doesn't get shaken up too much, that is," says Amy.

"I hope we're having chicken," says Daniel.

###

Journal of Bernie V. Hawt

3/2/2568

Flames so pretty, flames so pretty!

###

Hours later, on the surface of the planet below, Meewai watches as, for the second time in his life, a giant object races over his head, only to crash somewhere in the forest around him. He squeaks with joy and rushes over to investigate.

Jimmy crawls from the wreckage of the Dropship, looking at his surroundings. They'd crashed in a fairly large clearing in the middle of a dense jungle. A river ran nearby. Behind him, Daniel, Captain Dirk and Bernie also crawl from the wreckage.

"Is everyone alright boys and girls? No one has any ouchies?" Captain Dirk asks.

"I'm fine Captain Buddy!" Daniel says. Jimmy can't help but feel a touch of regret at these words. Bernie turns his flamethrower on the Dropship.

"Bernie no, there's…" Jimmy says, but Bernie doesn't listen. Flames engulf the Dropship. "There's still people in there." Jimmy finishes.

"Yes. And they shall all be blessed," Bernie says.

"They'll all be burnt to a crisp. What kind of a blessing is that?" Jimmy asks.

"The only kind. What is better then being engulfed by the wonders of the flame?" Bernie responds. Before Jimmy can reply, Amy emerges from the burning wreckage.

"Phew, it was getting kind of hot in there," she says, "Umm, why is my ship on fire?"

"You are worthy," Bernie says, "For you have survived the blessing of the flames. The others have not been found worthy, and have perished. Hehe, burn!"

"Oh dear. We're in a spot of bother without our ship then," Amy says, shaking her head.

Meewai looks at the newcomers from the safety of the trees. They'd created fire. They had to be gods. They couldn't possibly be anything else. Perhaps they'd be interested in knowing about the other wreckage. He steps out, into the clearing, ready to lead them to the other wreckage.

###

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

Another vessel has just crashed. I didn't recognize it, which has made me even more curious. I feel compelled to investigate. Perhaps they'll know a way off this planet. Maybe they'll need help with the injured. Or, maybe they might even need help with repairs. Either way, I must go to them.

Most importantly, there might be more buttons to press. Can't wait. Oh, by the way, I'm not dead.


	15. Episode 14

Episode 14

"Admiral G, hold on a moment," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, head of Marines, calls out as he runs along the passage way towards the Admiral's meeting room.

"Yo, Admiral," says Admiral G, head of heavy weaponry, in greeting, "how can I help you?"

"Well, I was just thinking, have you seen the Grand Admiral lately?" Admiral Grievousbodilyharm asks. Admiral G stops to scratch his head in thought.

"No," he eventually answers.

"That's odd, I wonder what's happened to him. I don't think I've seen him at all since this expedition set out," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm as they enter the meeting room.

"Well, whatever has happened, I'm sure he's just GUNG HO!" Admiral G shouts, pumping his fist as he walked through the door.

"I'm being attacked!" Admiral Johnson, head of Ghosts, shrieks, ducking for cover and running from the door at the same time.

"Oh, Admiral Johnson, are you okay?" Admiral Lucy, head of Medics, asks, running to his side.

"Oh gosh, I thought that was the end then. I feared I was dead for sure," Admiral Johnson says, shaking in fear, "Oh, my precious heart."

"You'll be okay Admiral, let's just get you to a chair," says Admiral Lucy, leading him to the closest chair.

"Thank you Lucy. You're so kind to an old man," says Admiral Johnson.

"Oh, don't be silly. You're not old, you're still young and fit!" Admiral Lucy encourages.

"I AM SITTING! YOU JUST TOOK ME TO A CHAIR! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?" Admiral Johnson yells. Lucy quickly retreats backwards.

"Meep…" she says.

"Enough nonsense, let's get this meeting started," says Admiral Stephanie, head of aircraft, as she enters the room.

###

Journal of Grand Admiral Duran Von Leigelweiner

3/2/2568

188 days. I'll say it again. 188 days. Why? Because it's been that long, that's why. For 188 days, I have been stuck in this small tiny, chamber. No light! No water! No food! No company! I've been forced to survive by eating my fingernails, as well as whatever I could find on the ground. What about drinking, you might wonder? Well, let's just say waste management hasn't really been a problem…

###

"What is that?" Jimmy asks, pointing to a small, rodent like creature that had just emerged from the forest.

"It looks like a small rodent like creature which has just emerged from the forest," says Captain Dirk.

"Really? It looks like a tree to me," says Daniel.

"Look lower," Jimmy says.

"Oh, right. Yeah, that's definitely a small rodent like creature which has just emerged from the forest," says Daniel. The creature looks at them curiously.

"IT'S SO CUTE! CAN WE KEEP IT?" Daniel and Amy shout at the same time. They immediately stare at each other with an expression that would make Officer Evil Eye proud.

"I saw it first…" Daniel growls.

"I want it more…" Amy responds.

"Nah-uh," says Daniel.

"Uh-huh," says Amy.

"Well, you can't have it, cause it likes me more," Daniel says.

"No way," Amy counters, "It obviously prefers girls over boys."

"You'd probably just end up dropping it," Captain Dirk says, stepping in to defend Daniel.

"That's not true. Watch," Amy says, rushing towards the creature. She picks it up in her arms and holds it tight.

"Aww, isn't he cute," she says, smiling, crushing it against her body.

"Mee…wai…" the creature squeaks, struggling to get free. It suddenly leaps out of her arms and lands on the grass below. It lands on its head.

"Meewai…" it says, sitting up and rubbing its head.

"Ha! Captain was right. You did drop it. He belongs to me!" Daniel exclaims. He immediately runs to the creature. The creature sees him coming. It's eyes open wider, and it immediately starts to run for safety. It dives back into the jungle and Daniel dives in straight after it.

"No, it's mine!" Amy shouts and dives in after him.

"Daniel, wait!" Captain Dirk cries and follows them in.

"What the heck," says Jimmy, also going into the forest.

"So…much…fuel…" says Bernie. He enters the forest with a cry of "BURRRRRN!"

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

3/2/2568

I don't think I've ever seen a cuter creature in my life! It's got long, cute ears, cute little paws, a tiny little nose and big, round eyes. I think I'm in love. I wonder what I should call it? Well, it said Meewai, so I think that's a good name. Wow, I have a wonderful imagination!

###

"Well then, did the launch go smoothly?" Admiral Stephanie asks the other Admirals present in the room.

"Ooh, a smoothie? Sounds nice," says Admiral Johnson, "I'll have a strawberry one."

"Our Goliath team shall be GUNG HO!" shouts Admiral G.

"Well, apart from a bit of a mess up at the beginning, we went alright," said Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"Yeah, about that. Were you asleep or something at the wheel? I mean it's a planet. It's not entirely hard to spot you know?" says Admiral Stephanie.

"I, umm, err…" Admiral Grievousbodilyharm flusters.

"No thanks, I don't want any marshmallows with it," says Admiral Johnson.

"You see, my Officer and I were possibly playing a game of cards," admits Grievousbodilyharm.

"Oh? What game?" Johnson asks, suddenly hearing again.

"Go Fish," answers Grievousbodilyharm.

"Okay, if you insist," says Admiral Johnson. He suddenly stands up and leaves the room.

"Right…" says Admiral Stephanie, "Well, my dropships could've worked better. Unfortunately we had one accident. No word on the casualties yet."

"You had an accident?" asks Admiral Lucy.

"Yes…" says Admiral Stephanie.

"My medics will be able to do something! I'm so happy!" exclaims Lucy.

"About time…" Stephanie mumbles. Lucy doesn't hear her.

"I have a question," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm says, raising his hand.

"This isn't a school, put your hand down," says Stephanie.

"Oh yeah. Umm, has anyone seen the Grand Admiral lately?" he asks, lowering his hand. Everyone goes silent, thinking for a moment.

"Who?" asks Lucy.

"You know, short guy, long beard, in charge of this whole expedition," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"Doesn't ring a bell," Stephanie admits.

"Isn't that his room over there?" Admiral G asks, pointing to a door against the far wall. Instantly a look of recognition comes over Lucy and Stephanie's faces. They say a word which would've made Daniel think they'd pooed their pants.

"Oh, the Grand Admiral…" says Lucy.

"Duran Von Leigelweiner, I'd completely forgotten about him…" Stephanie says, looking embarrassed.

"I wonder if he's still alive," says Admiral G.

"Let's go and find out," says Grievousbodilyharm, walking towards the door. He pushes it open. As he does so, a cloud of dust billows up around him and a thin smoke seeps out from the door.

"Creepy," he says, and finishes opening the door. A bony hand emerges from the smoke.

"Finally, freedom!" a voice crows. A bony foot joins the hand, followed not long after by a bony body in a Grand Admiral's uniform.

"Grand Admiral! We're so sorry!" says Lucy, running to his side.

"188 days!" he says, pointing into the air. He falls face first onto the floor.

"Is he dead?" asks Stephanie. Lucy checks his pulse.

"Amazingly enough, he's not dead," says Lucy.

"Let's take him somewhere to rest," suggests Grievousbodilyharm.

"Good idea," says Admiral G.

"Say, Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, my good sir," says Admiral Johnson, poking his head into the doorway, "I took your advice, but I can't find any good fishing spots. Any places you know about?"


	16. Episode 15

Episode 15

Nurse Jill sits in a tent in the medic's camp, surrounded by countless other medics. They are all very bored.

"I'm bored," complains a medic.

"Me too," says another one.

"Why can't people get hurt more often? What's the point of having medics in the army if the army isn't going to get hurt?" says the first.

"I totally agree," says the second. Nurse Jill listens to this conversation go on and on. It was the same one she hears every day.

"Aww man, I got a paper cut," a distant voice suddenly cries out. Nurse Jill suddenly sits up straight. Could she have heard right?

"Damn paper cuts. Man that hurts," the voice goes on. Yes, she was right. Immediately she stands up. She isn't the only one. Every single medic in the tent stands up, as though awakened by an ancient calling. As one, they rush to the exit of the tent. There's a fierce struggle, and eventually they all break free. With Nurse Jill in the lead, they home in towards the distressed voice.

"Oh, the humanity," it cries out, "Wait… is that blood? OH GOSH, IT'S BLEEDING. MAKE IT STOP!" As a single entity, the medics speed up. Their target is now in sight.

"BE HEALED!" they all cry out, and converge upon the man. His eyes open wide in terror. He is buried beneath a pile of medics, all desperate to do something. Moments later, they fall back, leaving the man in the middle. His body is now bruised and beaten. He holds up his finger and examines it.

"My paper cut, it's gone. You healed me. Thank you." The man blacks out.

###

Journal of Sergeant Kilcrazy

3/2/2568

Apparently I'm under orders to avoid any friendly casualties this time. That means looking before I shoot something. How boring. It's also rather ridiculous. Do they really expect me to come back from this mission without any kills under my belt? What if the moment it takes me to make sure that my enemy is actually an enemy is enough time for me to be killed? Did they think of that? I think not!

###

Meewai runs through the forest, with the large creatures from the wreckage chasing after him. They were definitely not gods. They'd already tried to kill him. That female one had almost strangled him to death. His head was still hurting from when he'd escaped.

Meewai risks a glance behind him. Fortunately, they were managing to keep up with him. He didn't want to lose them. He was certain that they wanted to see this other wreckage. Surely they'd thank him for leading them to it once they saw it.

Coming up ahead of Meewai is a bush. He recognizes it as one of the bushes near where the wreckage is. He breaks through the bush, and comes to a screeching halt. Ahead of him two more of the creatures stand. One of them was pointing something barrel like towards him. It didn't look friendly.

Daniel and Amy leap through the bushes after Meewai, followed moments later by Jimmy, Captain Dirk and Bernie. They all come to a halt when they notice the ghost pointing a gun at them. The ghost studies them for a moment.

"Damn. Allies," Kilcrazy says. He lowers his weapon.

"Ally buddy!" Captain Dirk cries, "It's good to see you again!" He runs to give Kilcrazy a hug.

###

Journal of Sergeant Kilcrazy

3/2/2568

Curse my orders! CURSE THEM! Why must I put up with this infuriating fool of a Captain? I must not kill. I must not kill. Kill. KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!

###

"Kill…" Sergeant Kilcrazy sighs. He dodges beneath Captain Dirk's hug. Captain Dirk, not noticing this, keeps going forward and runs into a piece of yellow coloured metal.

"Ouch…" Captain Dirk says, rubbing his nose. Jimmy steps forward to study the metal object. It looked suspiciously like a starship, but not one that he'd ever seen before.

"What is this?" Jimmy asks Kilcrazy.

"Kill…" Kilcrazy responds with a vacant stare.

"An excellent question, and one which I have an answer for!" says another man who no one had taken notice of up till now.

"And you are?" Captain Dirk asks.

"I am Proffesor Frank. Sergeant Kilcrazy accompanied me on this mission to study this vessel of alien origin, which our scanners detected while on orbit," answers the man, adjusting his glasses with one finger.

"I hope you didn't give me the finger just then. That's not very nice…" says Captain Dirk.

"No, I was adjusting my glasses," says Frank.

"Just as well…" Captain Dirk growls.

###

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

Disaster! After returning from the wreckage of the other ship that crashed, I come back to my ship, only to find that the survivors of that have had the exact same idea as me. Even worse, there were not any buttons left to push in the other ship. Disaster I say, disaster!

I must not fear though. No, never fear. The next obvious course of action would be to wait in hiding, and follow these other creatures until another vessel comes to rescue them. Then, I shall sneak aboard and continue with my mission from there. Yes, a perfect plan.

###

"So, an alien ship, huh? I wonder if it belongs to the Shiarg?" Jimmy asks, running his hand along the metal.

"Unlikely. Kilcrazy claims that the Shiarg did not seem to have any buildings or vessels at all. Also, there's no sign of anything that could relate to them at all. Also, we found this, which I'd say is a dead give away of what this race looks like," Professor Frank holds up a piece of paper, ripped in many places. Jimmy looks at it and reads it out loud.

"The Protoss Empire wants you…" He reads the first line. Beneath this is a picture of an alien creature with large eyes and no obvious mouth. It was pointing straight at Jimmy. He continues reading the smaller writing towards the bottom, "The Mighty Protoss Empire wants all the galaxy… come join us today at…"

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy.

"There's quite a few words missing," Jimmy points out, handing the poster back to the professor.

"Indeed. But what's there is enough for us to draw a more than logical conclusion from. It's obvious that this 'Protoss Empire' is out to control the galaxy, and is looking for other planets to join it, to come under their rule," explains Frank.

"Wow. First the Shiarg and now the Protoss. Is every race in the galaxy out to kill stuff?" Jimmy asks.

"Kill…" Kilcrazy says. He fires his shotgun onto the ground.

"Frankly, I don't buy it," Jimmy says, "Why would an intelligent race only want to rule the universe? Surely they'd be out for something grander than that." The professor remains silent after this for quite some time. Jimmy, wondering why he was so silent, looks at the professor. Professor Frank was shaking with rage.

"Umm…" says Jimmy.

"MY NAME IS NOT FRANKLY! IT'S FRANK! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" Frank shouts.

"But I didn't call you Frankly," Jimmy says.

"IT IS NOT MY NAME! DO NOT CALL ME FRANKLY!" he continues to shout. Jimmy is positive he can see steam coming out of his ears.

"Okay, I won't. Sorry. To be frank though, I think you're overreacting just a little," Jimmy says, trying to calm him down.

"OH THAT'S IT! FIRST YOU CALL ME FRANKLY, AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BE ME? THIS IS GOING TOO FAR PUNY MARINE! YOU SHALL RESPECT ME! RESPECT ME!" Frank shouts even louder. Jimmy just sighs and shakes his head. Obviously it was going to be safer not to talk at all. Just as Jimmy thought the forest couldn't get any louder, the screeching of an animal joins the shouting of the professor.

"He's mine!" Daniel says, pulling Meewai's front paws.

"No, he's mine!" Amy responds, pulling at his back paws.

"MEEWAI!" Meewai screams in pain.

"Mine!" says Daniel, pulling harder.

"Mine, dimwit!" Amy says, also pulling harder.

"Mee…wai…" Meewai growls. He bites Daniel's hand. Daniel suddenly lets go of Meewai. Amy, still holding Meewai, suddenly stumbles backwards. She trips over a piece of metal from the wreckage, falling backwards onto the ship itself. The ship, being on a slope, then starts to roll, quickly increasing in speed until it crashes against a rock wall, shattering into even smaller pieces of metal.

"Hehe, oops," says Amy. She hugs Meewai.

"Aww, Meewai kissed me," says Daniel, looking at the bite mark on his hand. "He really likes me."

###

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

MY SHIP! My beautiful, beautiful ship. What have these alien creatures done to it? So destructive, so violent. Could they possibly end up being a greater threat than the Zerg? What about these Shiarg they were talking about? They seem like they might be dangerous as well. The galaxy really is not safe. Still, I must stay close to them. Not only because I wish to know more about their plans, but also because my mission depends on it.

###

"So, what now then?" Jimmy asks Captain Dirk.

"I think it's important that we take news of our discovery to the admirals right away. They'll want to know about these Protoss I'm sure," Captain Dirk answers.

"There's one problem with your plan, Captain," Jimmy points out.

"What's that, Jimmy buddy?" Captain Dirk asks.

"Our ship crashed, remember?" Jimmy says.

"Sorry!" Amy cries out. She drops Meewai in the process.

"You're so mean! No more touching my Meewai!" Daniel says, walking over and picking up the dazed looking rodent.

"The ship that Kilcrazy and I came in should be large enough to hold all of you. We can give you a ride to the _Admire _if you like," says Frank.

"Kill…" Kilcrazy says, squashing a bug.

"Wonderful! That solves all our problems," Captain Dirk says.

"Actually, not quite Captain," Amy says.

"Why's that?" asks Captain Dirk. Amy points to a thick, black smoke rising from the trees not too far away from them. Jimmy, seeing this, quickly looks around for Bernie. He's nowhere to be seen. Jimmy swears and shakes his head.

"Not again buddy," Daniel says, "I thought you were over that. I knew I should've brought a spare pair of pants."

###

Journal of Bernie V. Hawt

3/2/2568

I'm singing in the flames, just singing in the flames. What a wonderful feeling, I'm hap-hap-happy again! BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!


	17. Episode 16

Anonymous reviews are active again. I have no idea why they were turned off, but they're not anymore. Thanks to AnEndlessSacrafice for pointing that out. A thanks also to everyone else who has reviewed. Especially joebthegreat. Your reviews are always entertaining.

Enough about me, time for more StarKraft, and time for me to actually make a profile page here.

Episode 16

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

I don't have a clue how this fire started, and I don't really care. What I do care about though, is that it's caused a distraction. While these aliens are off investigating the fire, I can sneak aboard the ship that the smart looking one mentioned. It will give me a chance to explore around it a bit and remain undetected. Also, the buttons. Surely it won't hurt if I just press one or two of them. Nobody will notice.

###

The unnamed Protoss creeps silently through the passages of the alien's ship. To his eyes, it appears to be some sort of research vessel. Scientific equipment filled every room. This wasn't what he was looking for though. His quest involved buttons. It had been much too long since he'd last pressed one. He was going through button pressing withdrawals!

He peeks his head into another room. Success! He marvels at all the buttons before him. Plain ones, coloured ones, ones with stripes, big ones, little ones and many others. All these though are overshadowed by one button that immediately catches his eyes. The button is red, as all good buttons are. It is covered in glass, as only the best seem to be and, most importantly, the words above it said "Do not press." Yes, this was definitely what he'd been waiting for. Without further hesitation, the Protoss presses the button.

Elsewhere aboard the vessel, the sounds of a seal being released are heard. At least, they would be, if there was anyone around to hear it. Slowly, an airtight container begins to open. From this container a figure steps out. Immediately he begins a slow, sinister laughter that eventually escalates into a full out evil laugh. Suddenly, he stops and looks down at himself.

"Oh crap, I'm naked," he says. He hurries off to find his clothes.

The Protoss looks at the button. He scratches his head. He considers pressing it again, to see if something would happen this time. He decides against it, and instead presses a green button next to it. When he sees the lights on the outside of the ship go on, he smiles to himself happily. He then goes in search of a place to hide, wondering how he just smiled without a mouth.

###

"I can't believe I'm actually running _towards _a giant wall of fire," Jimmy comments.

"Well, we have to," Captain Dirk responds, "We need to make sure our buddy, Bernie, is safe."

"But Captain, Bernie obviously started the fire. He's probably enjoying it immensely as well," says Jimmy.

"Nonsense! Bernie wouldn't start something that could threaten his allies," Captain Dirk says, "In fact, he's probably trying to run to safety as we speak."

"He's trying to run to safety you say?" Jimmy asks.

"More than likely," Captain Dirk answers.

"Well, if he's running _away _from the fire, then why are we running _towards _the fire to find him?" Jimmy asks. Captain Dirk goes silent for a few moments.

"Alright then! Fine, you're right. The stupid idiot of a Firebat probably started the stupid fire himself and is enjoying himself like the stupid idiot he is," Captain Dirk finally says. Jimmy comes to a sudden stop and stares in shock at the captain.

"Captain…" Jimmy says.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Captain Dirk asks.

"I believe that's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say. I'm impressed," Jimmy compliments the captain.

"Oh. Well, thanks. I think," says Captain Dirk.

###

Lyle opens his eyes. Around him is the same bare cell that he'd been sitting in for month after month after month. His cell had been constructed out of some red, skin like material. Lyle had spent his months of confinement trying not to think about whose skin it was.

"Skrikt," says the winged Zerg that had been Lyle's only companion since his kidnapping. Funnily enough, it was the same one that had kidnapped him as well.

"Good morning Time," Lyle says, patting it on the head. Lyle thought this was quite a clever name. After all, time does fly.

"Skrikt," it responds, flapping its wings.

"Ready for another exciting day of sitting around doing nothing?" Lyle asks his winged companion.

"Skrikt!" Time shrieks.

"You're a man of many words Time," Lyle says.

"Skrikt!"

"Oh, of course. My mistake. You Zerg don't seem to have genders, do you. You're an it of many words then." Lyle sighs. He was beginning to suspect he was going insane.

###

"Why is the creature not grooving, Squigglyoth?" the Zerg Overmind asks his cerebrate while viewing Lyle's actions through the Scourge in the room with him.

"I am unsure, your grooviness," Squigglyoth responds.

"Look at him Squigglyoth, he's just sitting there. He's not doing anything. I wished to study these creatures groove, the way they move, yet I cannot do that if they refuse to move and lack the groove!" the Overmind complains.

"Of course, your grooviness," Squigglyoth responds. It was obvious that the Overmind was in a mood to hear his own voice.

"Why would you think that, Squigglyoth?" the Overmind asks.

"Think what, oh one who controls the moves?" Squigglyoth responds.

"Don't play dumb with me, Squigglyoth. You know it's not groovy. I know what you're thinking, and I know you know that I know what you're thinking," says the Overmind.

"Of course, oh groovy one, I forgot my place, I lost the groove. Please forgive me," requests Squigglyoth.

"Done. Don't let it happen again," the Overmind says.

"Oh one who controls the moves, thank you so much. I feel your groove, I really do," Squigglyoth says.

"Hmm, one who controls the moves you say. That gives me a groovy idea Squigglyoth. Command the groovy Hydralisks to bring that creature to me, I wish to speak to him myself," the Overmind says.

###

"Bored, bored, bored, sneeze, bored, bored, bored," Lyle says to himself. It takes Lyle a whole minute to finally realize that something different was happening. By the time he realizes this, he's already in the clutches of fearsome looking alien creatures. Time is flying overhead, literally and figuratively.

Some moments later, the creatures deposit him outside a chamber, and indicates with nasty looking claws that he should enter. Lyle quickly decides it's best not to argue the matter and quickly enters.

"Woah, now that's an eyeful," he gasps in amazement at the sight before him. Before him is a giant eyeball. Next to this eyeball is what appears to be a giant worm.

"Welcome, puny…err," the giant eyeball falters, "Squigglyoth, what is this creature anyway?"

"Overmind, if you don't know, then I won't either. We're a hive, remember?" the giant worm, Squigglyoth, answers.

"Humour me, Squigglyoth," says the giant eyeball, the Overmind. Squigglyoth sighs. Lyle finds it strange to see a giant worm doing this.

"I don't know what of creature this is, oh groovy one. Perhaps you could call it a puny mortal, that always sounds threatening," says Squigglyoth.

"A wonderful suggestion Squigglyoth! This is why you're my grooviest!" the Overmind says. The giant eye rotates round to look at Lyle.

"There's something in your eye," Lyle says, smiling mischievously.

"What? Not groovy. Get it out! Squigglyoth, what's in my eye?" the Overmind asks, panicking.

"Your grooviness, there is nothing in your eye," Squigglyoth says. The giant eye somehow manages to give Lyle an evil stare.

"Puny mortal! How dare you mock the great and groovy Overmind of the Zerg! Further more, you lack groove, and refuse to move," the Overmind says.

"What?" Lyle responds.

"You have no groove, and you do not move!" the Overmind presses on. Lyle waves his arm to test this theory. To make sure, he shakes his legs as well.

"Right… and I thought I was the one going insane," Lyle says, "What are you anyway?

"I am the one who controls the moves. Soon, I shall control the way you move. You will feel my groove, you shall move and, most importantly, you will have groove. You shall serve the hive, be one with the hive," the Overmind says. Lyle ponders this for a moment.

"It sounds too kinky for my liking," he says, "no thanks."

"I'm afraid, puny mortal, that you cannot resist my groove. Take him to the Queens, Hydralisks!" the Overmind orders. The creatures that brought Lyle into the chamber then carry him away. Once gone, the Overmind turns back too Squigglyoth.

"How did you like my groove, Squigglyoth?" the Overmind asks.

"Well done," answers Squigglyoth.


	18. Episode 17

GUNG HO!

Episode 17

Place: The Terran News Network Studios, Earth.

Date: 3/2/2568

Time: Around 5pm

Thomas Davies approaches the reception desk in the foyer of the TNN studios. He casually saunters towards the girl sitting at the desk. He reaches the desk, leans his arms on it and moves close to the girl.

"Hi there," he says, "Come here often?"

"I do work here, sir," she answers, "and your elbow is leaning in my ink pad."

"Huh?" Thomas says. He looks at his elbow. There is now a black ink stain on his white shirt. "Damn, I just got this cleaned as well."

"And you're other elbow is in the automatic stapler. You know, the kind that automatically snap shut as soon as you put something in them," says the receptionist. Thomas notices a red stain on his other elbow, as well as a staple.

"Ouch," says Thomas.

"Yes," the receptionist agrees, not looking up from her work.

"I think we should start this episode again," says Thomas.

"That's probably a good idea," the receptionist says.

Episode 17

Place: The Terran News Network Studios, Earth.

Date: 3/2/2568

Time: Around 5pm

Thomas Davies approaches the reception desk in the foyer of the TNN studios. He casually saunters towards the girl sitting at the desk. He reaches the desk, starts to lean his arms on it and…

"Mind your elbows, remember!" the receptionist says.

"Oh yeah. Right, elbows," says Thomas.

"Anyway, how can I help you sir?" the receptionist enquires.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Thomas responds, "I'd like to sell you my story!"

"Is that so? And you are?" she asks.

"My name is Thomas Davies," he answers.

"And…" the receptionist urges him on.

"And what?" asks Thomas.

"What are you famous for? Why would we want your story?" she asks.

"Well, I'm not famous for anything, not yet at least," Thomas answers.

"Then I'll ask again. Why would we be at all interested in your story if you're not

famous for something?" the receptionist says, becoming tired.

"Oh, but don't you get it? Sure, I'm not famous yet, but who knows what could happen tomorrow. Just think about it, tomorrow someone might discover that I'm a talented actor. Your network will be the first to have an interview with me. Maybe I'll be in a plane crash tomorrow, with no survivors, then TNN will be the only ones to have an interview with someone who was on the plane! What if I happen to be the only witness to a spectacular event never seen before by mankind? You wouldn't want your competitors getting their hands on that would you?" Thomas rants on, making more claims along these lines. Eventually he runs out of steam.

"Are you done?" asks the receptionist.

"For now," Thomas answers.

"So, let me get this straight. You want us to pay you for your story _now_, because you might be famous _tomorrow_?" she asks.

"Well, maybe not tomorrow exactly. That was more a generalization, but yes, you get the picture," Thomas responds.

"Why would we want to do that? Why not sell your story to us after you become famous? I mean, we don't even have any proof that you will become famous, do we?" asks the receptionist, who shall now be referred to as Laura Jones.

"You could have faith? Besides, if I were to sell my story to you after I became famous, I'd want twice as much for it as what I'm willing to take now. After all, demand for me would be higher," Thomas says.

"Mr. Davies," Laura says.

"Yes?" Thomas responds, sounding hopeful.

"TNN is not interested in your story. I suggest coming back when you're famous," Laura says.

"Oh. Is that so? Well, thanks for your time, Miss…" Thomas leans in close to look at the receptionist's name badge, "Jones."

"Mind the ink, Mr. Davies," says Laura.

"Aww, damn!" says Thomas.

"And the stapler…never mind," Laura says as the stapler snaps shut.

"Ouch…" says Thomas.

"You'll be going now?" Laura asks.

"I think that's a good idea…" Thomas responds. He heads for the door. The moment he's out of the building, a giant yellow chicken comes round the corner, wheeling a trolley with a glass bowl on top. Inside this bowl is a fish.

"Bloop, bloop bloop?" Bubbles asks Laura.

"Oh, it was just some idiot trying to sell us his story," Laura answers.

"Bloop bloop bloop. Bloop?" Bubbles questions.

"No, he's not famous for anything. He says he might be tomorrow though," Laura

answers.

"Bloop…" says Bubbles, looking thoughtful.

"CHICKEN!" screams Chicken Man.

###

Journal of General Lee V. Strong

3/2/2568

I think I might watch TNN today. I don't know why, it's never very gung ho, but I'm bored.

###

Tracy shuffles her papers as she readies herself to present the evening's news. Next to her, her fellow presenters, Bubbles and Chicken Man ready themselves.

"Lights, camera, action!" Mark says, from behind the camera.

"Hello, and welcome to TNN, the Terran News…" Tracy starts.

"HA! I was just kidding Tracy," Mark announces.

"I hate you Mark," Tracy says. Mark walks around to stand in front of the camera. He looks straight into the lens.

"See, viewers at home. See what I had to put up with! She can't even take a simple joke for crying out loud. For a good time, don't ring Tracy," Mark says. Suddenly, a light falls from the ceiling and hits him on the head, knocking him out.

"Oh, I wonder how that happened?" Tracy says, hiding her cutters under the desk. "What a disaster indeed."

"Bloop?" Bubbles asks.

"Yes, I'm quite done," Tracy responds.

"Bloop bloop?" Bubbles asks.

"Yes, we can definitely get on with the news now," Tracy confirms. She looks at her paper, ready to begin.

"Bloop. Bloop bloop bloop, bloop bloop bloopy bloop. Bloopity bloopity bloop. Bloopy bloopy bloo," Bubbles reads the first article.

"Oh dear, that would be awkward, wouldn't it?" Tracy laughs, "In other news, the Terran military have recently unveiled a new weapon. Apparently the crew of the Terran Expansion Mission have had these for a while now, but the details of these weapons have only just been made available to us. Admiral G himself shall now present these weapons to us, via this live, pre-recorded feed. Wait. Live pre-recorded feed? That doesn't make sense. Oh, whatever, just roll the tape."

The tape starts rolling.

"Hi, I'm Admiral G of the Terran Expansion Mission forces. I'm here to present the latest in gung ho weaponry," Admiral G says. He's standing in front of a red curtain.

"Behind me, beneath this curtain, which is behind me, lies the most powerful ground unit that the Terran military has ever had in its possession. I present…" he raises his hands and the curtain drops, revealing a tank.

"THE SIEGE TANK! GUNG HO!" he shouts. "The siege tank fires a powerful explosive blast onto anything threatening it. Alternatively, it can enter "siege mode", where it becomes an artillery unit, firing upon enemies further away. It's a perfect offensive and defensive weapon!"

The image on the screen changes back to Tracy.

"Thankyou Admiral G. Coming up next, we have an interview with someone who may possibly be famous tomorrow. Also, don't forget to tune into The Adventures of Velcro Cat, a new series starting tonight on TNN. But first, we have this message from our sponsors," Tracy says. The screen changes to a man sitting in a room, holding a message.

"To our competitors," he reads, "All you other manufacturers of chicken. You are weak. You are spineless. Your chicken is the only thing in the world that does not taste like chicken. Those of us at Chickens R Us would just like to pass on the following message: You suck. Thank you." The screen fades black with white writing, reading: "Chicken. Have you bought any yet?"

"CHICKEN!" screams Chicken Man as it returns to the news team.

"I, umm, err… I'm not sure I want to be interviewed anymore!" Thomas says.

"CHICKEN!" Chicken Man continues to scream.

"Help…" pleads Thomas.

###

TNN finishes, and General Lee Strong turns of the TV. He looks excitedly at the people next to him.

"WE HAVE TANKS! WOO YEAH! GUNG HO!" he shouts, punching both fists in the air. He knocks the people next to him out cold.


	19. Episode 18

Only two episodes left in the current story arc after this one, then I've got another special planned! Shiny!

I've had an idea for another parody. It's a pretty big idea, and I'm tossing up on whether to do smaller chapters, in the style of StarKraft, or larger chapters. Not to give too much away, but chances are if it's a game I've played, or an anime I've seen, or a book I've read, or pretty much anything, it'll be in this parody.

Lastly, everyone that's added this story to their favourites is cool, everyone who reviews is cool, and everyone that reads it is cool. Thanks again for everyone's support for StarKraft so far, and I promise you that this is only going to get better as we approach the third story arc.

End jibber jabber. Start StarKraft. GUNG HO!

I have a dream. In this dream, everyone in the world shouts GUNG HO! Make my dream reality!

I'll shut up now, otherwise my author notes'll end up longer than the actual story.

Episode 18

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

3/2/2568

Is it just me, or have my bestest buddies Jimmy and Captain Dirk, and myself been given a smaller role for this story arc? It hardly feels like we've been doing anything at all. Oh well, I'm sure it's just my imagination.

Anyway, we found this really cool alien creature called Meewai. He's so cute! He obviously likes me more, no matter what that useless drop ship pilot Amy thinks. I don't like that girl at all.

Well, right now we're running towards a giant wall of fire to save our ally Bernie. He's a Firebat. Remember, they're cool, in an awesome way. They're also hot, but not in the same way that penguins are.

###

"Quickly everyone, let's spread out and find this idiot," Captain Dirk orders.

"Captain! You just called him an idiot! That wasn't very nice," Daniel accuses. Captain Dirk looks embarrassed for a moment.

"Right, yes, sorry. I mean, let's spread out and find our ally buddy boys and girls!" Captain Dirk says.

"At least there is a girl this time," Jimmy says to himself.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy, staring into the fire.

"Gosh, it's so hot," Amy says, sitting down to fan herself.

"Useless girl! Stand up, we have to rescue our ally," Daniel says, yelling at Amy. Meewai, who was standing by Daniel's feet, starts walking over to Amy. He stops just in front of her.

"Mee wai! Mee! Wai wai. Mee mee wai," Meewai shouts. He then savagely bites her leg. Amy immediately leaps up.

"Meewai…" Daniel says in disbelief.

"Wai?" Meewai says quizzically, turning to Daniel.

"You…you kissed her. How could you? I thought I was your favourite," Daniel says, close to tears.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

What's with these idiot creatures? Kissing? KISSING? Do they not know a bite of anger when it hits them? I shall not put up with this! I shall follow these idiot creatures until I see them all dead. Such stupidity does not deserve to live.

###

"If that's a kiss, I'd hate to see how he bites people then. Ouch…" Amy says, rubbing her sore leg.

"Umm, people, fire," Jimmy reminds everyone, "We need to find Bernie, and get out of here, remember?"

"Jimmy's right. So, get searching everyone," Captain Dirk orders. They all spread out in different directions to look for Bernie. None of them notice Meewai dive into the bushes.

###

The five admirals are all gathered around Grand Admiral Duran Von Leigelweiner as he recovers in a bed in the ship's hospital.

"More food! Now!" he orders.

"Right away sir," Admiral Stephanie says, heading to the kitchen.

"I need something to drink. Orange juice I say. It's been so long! 188 days!" he orders again.

"Affirmative!" Admiral G says, following after Stephanie.

"Somebody rub my feet, they're tired," orders Duran. Grievousbodilyharm and Johnson both look at Lucy.

"Fine…" she says, and begins rubbing his feet.

"Johnson, find me some music," he continues shouting orders, "I haven't heard any for 188 days! 188 days I say!" Admiral Johnson begins to lick the Grand Admiral.

"No, that's not what I… oh, never mind. No one's licked me for 188 days either! Lick me man!" Duran Von Leigelweiner says.

"I've got more food for you sir," says Stephanie as she returns.

"And here's your orange juice," says Admiral G.

"Excellent," the Grand Admiral says. He quickly swallows it all. "More!" he commands with a mouth full of food.

"Yes sir!" Admiral G and Stephanie say.

"Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, fill me in on what's happened during my 188 days of imprisonment," Duran orders.

"In all respect sir, I hardly think it was an imprisonment, more a prolonged stay in your room," Grievousbodilyharm says.

"188 DAYS!" shrieks the Grand Admiral, "SPEAK!"

"Of course sir," Grievousbodilyharm says. He begins filling in the Grand Admiral on all that has passed so far.

###

Amy walks along a path through the forest as ash falls down around her. She calls out Bernie's name as she does so. She doesn't get any response. Eventually the heat overcomes her and she sits to rest again. As she does, a small rodent flies over her head, all sharp claws and gnashing teeth. It lands somewhere in the forest, narrowly missing it's target.

"So hot…" Amy says, fanning herself.

###

"Kill…" Kilcrazy says, still staring at the fire in front of him. He takes a step to the left, and a burning branch falls to where he was just standing.

"Kill…" he says again, and randomly fires his shotgun behind him. A branch falls to the ground, bringing down a small rodent with it.

"Meewai…" it says, rubbing its head.

###

"Bernie!" Captain Dirk calls out, "Bernie! Ally buddy! Where are you?" He continues to walk through the forest, calling out Bernie's name.

"Captain Dirk, sir," Professor Frank says, coming out of the forest.

"Yes Professor?" Captain Dirk asks.

"I was thinking it might be a good idea for me to return to the ship and bring it here, in order to make a speedy get away," Professor Frank suggests.

"A wonderful idea, Frankie buddy!" Captain Dirk says.

"IT'S FRANK, NOT FRANKIE!" Professor Frank fumes. He stomps off into the forest towards the ship.

"Okay… Bernie! Ally buddy! Come out, come out wherever you are!" Captain Dirk continues to call, "Oh, hi Meewai." He nods to the small rodent on the path next to him and continues walking. The rodent, annoyed that his growling and viscous look hadn't even fazed Captain Dirk, went in search of his next target.

###

"Bernie! Ber… Ooh, what a cool stone!" Daniel says, bending down to pick it up. A small rodent flies overhead, scratching Daniel's helmet with his claws.

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

3/2/2568

I found a cool stone! How cool is that? It's a stone, and it's cool! Actually, it's kinda hot. Probably because of the fire. Come to think of it, it's very hot. Owowowowowowow. Hot hot hot hot hot!

Oh, right. I should stop writing in my journal and throw the stone away. Silly me.

###

Daniel tosses the stone over his shoulder, where it hits a certain rodent. The rodent picks up the rock and glares at it angrily. It then realizes the stone is actually quite hot. It squeals, and begins running round in circles.

"Meewai meewai meewai!" It says while it runs around. Daniel, hearing this, turns around to look at the rodent.

"Meewai? That's a funny dance you're doing," Daniel says.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

Funny dance he says? I'll show him a funny dance when he's trying to run from my claws. As soon as I drop this rock, I'll show him.

Oh, right. I should drop this rock. Silly me.

###

Meewai drops the rock at the same moment he runs into a tree. The impact knocks the rodent out cold.

"Oh no! Meewai? Meewai? Are you okay?" Daniel asks, running to his side.

###

Jimmy walks through the forest, trying to find the newest looking flames. He'd figured that's where Bernie would probably be.

"Where is that bloody Firebat?" he asks the forest around him. The forest doesn't answer, but the bloody Firebat does.

"BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRN! Unblessed one," Bernie cries out, charging towards Jimmy with his flamethrower spouting out fire.

"STOP!" Jimmy shouts.

"Stop? Why?" Bernie asks, slowly coming to a standstill.

"Because, I've already been blessed, remember?" Jimmy reminds Bernie.

"You have?" Bernie asks, unsure.

"Yes, remember. You tried blessing us back on that planet…" Jimmy says.

"Firebatia?" Bernie fills in.

"Yes, Firebatia. You tried blessing us then, and I told you then we'd already been blessed. Remember?" Jimmy asks.

"Hmm, I do think I recall something like that," Bernie says, scratching his head, "All right then! I shall believe you."

"Wonderful," Jimmy says, "Now, it's time to leave. Come with me please."

"No. I cannot leave yet. There is so much here unblessed. So much that needs to know the wonder of the flames. So…much…fuel. So much to… BURRRRRRRN! Yes, BURN! So much that needs to feel the blessing of the flames!" Bernie says.

"But, didn't your church want you to spread the love of the flames throughout the whole galaxy? If you don't leave with us, then you'll be unable to spread your god elsewhere," Jimmy points out.

"You make a good point," Bernie admits, "Yes, I shall come with you. The galaxy needs to burn, as you said."

"Wonderful," Jimmy says, wondering why exactly he'd just convinced Bernie to come with him, when there was just a wonderful opportunity to get rid of him.

###

"Firebatia?" Duran asks, having just listened to Grievousbodilyharm's recount, "Who came up with that stupid name?"

"I couldn't say sir," Grievousbodilyharm admits, "Come to think of it, we still need to think of a name for this planet. Perhaps you'd like to put a suggestion into the hat this time?"

"Yes, I think I'd like that. Oh, Admiral Johnson. Has anyone ever told you you're a good licker?" says Duran.

"Oh, I don't play football anymore," says Admiral Johnson.

"Are you as disturbed by this as me?" Stephanie asks Admiral G.

"If not more…" Admiral G responds.

###

"Meewai, wake up! Come on buddy, you'll be alright," Daniel says, shaking Meewai. Meewai's eyes flutter open, and he stares up at Daniel.

"MEEWAI!" he cries out and leaps to hug Daniel.

"Oh Meewai, I love you too," says Daniel, returning the hug.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

MOTHER!


	20. Episode 19

Episode 19

Professor Frank boards his Science Vessel. The moment he steps on board, he detects something isn't quite right. He's not sure, but he suspects it was the sound of evil laughter that gave him this feeling. Frank follows the sound of laughter into one of the vessel's labs. As soon as he finds the source of the evil laughter, he stops and stares in disbelief.

"You…" Frank gasps, "How did you get out?"

###

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

I have successfully snuck onboard this alien vessel. I have also pressed a very pretty, but rather boring, button. I feel quite happy. I can now continue on with the mission given to me by my superiors back on the Protoss home world.

I really wish I could figure out how to put my name into this silly electronic journal thing. Annoying technology… Oh well, at least it has pretty buttons.

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

What a wonderful life this is. I've finally found my mother! Mother nursed me back to health after I hit my head. I'm so lucky to have a kind, caring mother. I can't seem to remember anything from before I woke up in mother's arms, but I'm sure that's nothing to worry about. Oh mummy…

###

"Are you sure I can't stay here just a while longer?" Bernie asks, staring longingly at the forest around him.

"Absolutely sure," Captain Dirk says, "I'm afraid we must report the spacecraft we found to the Admirals. I'm sure they'll be interested to hear about the Protoss as well."

"But there's still so much fuel on this planet. I hate to see it go to waste," Bernie pleads.

"ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR FUEL! WE'RE GOING!" Captain Dirk shouts, "blasted Firebat…"

"Wow, I can feel my respect for Captain Dirk growing by the moment," Jimmy says, amazed at the outburst.

"I don't think Captain is feeling very well today. He seems a bit grumpy," Daniel says.

"You think so? I don't think I've ever seen him healthier!" Jimmy says. At that moment, a spaceship flies over their head and lands in a brand new clearing, a clearing that had just been made by a Firebat.

"That's a Science Vessel," Amy says, "That Professor must be piloting it."

"It must be our ride off of this planet then," says Captain Dirk.

"Let's not stay here any longer than we need to, let's go," says Jimmy.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy. They all head towards the Science Vessel. As they approach it, the front hatchway opens and a ramp lowers itself towards the burnt floor of the forest. Professor Frank pokes his head out.

"Alright everyone. Get onboard, and we'll get out of here!" he says, beckoning them towards him. Captain Dirk goes on first, followed by Bernie, then Amy and Kilcrazy. Jimmy and Daniel are the last to board. As Jimmy steps on board, he turns to look at Daniel, coming up the ramp behind him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks him.

"Coming on board of course! Silly buddy," Daniel says, laughing.

"Exactly. Why are you taking that on board with you?" Jimmy asks, pointing to Meewai, cradled in Daniel's arms.

"Because Meewai is our buddy too! We can't leave him behind, can we?" Daniel says, clutching Meewai protectively. Meewai squeaks and hugs Daniel.

"I'm sorry, but he can't come with us, isn't that right Sergeant?" Jimmy says, going straight to the highest authority.

"Kill…" Sergeant Kilcrazy responds.

"See, Kilcrazy is right, he could kill us. He could have some strange, alien virus, or maybe he's a vicious killer," Jimmy points out.

"Kill…"

"Aww, but look at him. He's so cute and healthy looking. There's no way he can be dangerous," Daniel says.

"What if he's just a baby…whatever he is. When he's fully grown, he could be dangerous!" says Jimmy.

"Sir, Jimmy's being a meanie!" Daniel cries out.

"Jimmy, stop being mean to your buddy," says Captain Dirk.

"But sir, he's trying to bring a potentially dangerous creature onto the ship," Jimmy defends.

"That may be so, but is that really an excuse to be mean to him?" Captain Dirk asks Jimmy.

"I'm not being mean, I'm acting in our best interests," claims Jimmy.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" sings Daniel, poking out his tongue.

"Yeah Daniel, that's being mature," says Jimmy. Meewai pokes his tongue out at Jimmy as well.

"Aww, he's copying me, how cute," says Daniel.

"Listen Daniel, Jimmy's right, we really shouldn't bring Meewai on board," Captain Dirk says.

"Aww," says Daniel, starting to cry.

"Yes!" says Jimmy, who was beginning to respect Captain Dirk even more.

"However…" Captain Dirk starts.

"No, no however…" says Jimmy. Hope returns to Daniel's face.

"However, I'm willing to make an exception in this case," says Captain Dirk.

"Yay! You're the best Captain!" Daniel shouts. He runs up and hugs Captain Dirk, pushing past Jimmy.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy.

"Please, can I?" Jimmy asks, only half joking. He follows everyone else into the ship and they head towards the bridge. Along the way, they pass a laboratory with a scientist laughing madly to himself while mixing potions. They stop to stare.

"Oh, that's my colleague Doctor Nario. He's been cryogenically frozen since the start of this mission, and I'm still not sure how he got out…" Frank explains.

"What was he frozen for?" Amy asks. At that moment, the potions Dr. Nario was mixing explode, sending objects in the lab flying everywhere.

"Oh, that's why," Amy says. Dr. Nario emerges from the smoke cloud caused by the explosion and laughs maniacally.

"Wonderful! That was the best explosion yet!" he shrieks.

"Burrrn…" Bernie says, staring in wonder.

"Shouldn't you freeze him again, if he's this dangerous?" Jimmy asks. At the mention of the word freeze, Dr. Nario immediately backs into a corner and starts hissing at Jimmy.

"I'm not trying that myself," Frank answers, "He killed twenty marines last time before we managed to subdue him."

"Kill…"

"Let's just leave then and get to the bridge, shall we?" Captain Dirk suggests. Suddenly, Dr. Nario springs forward and pounces on Professor Frank. He injects something into Frank with a syringe, and then steps back.

"Was that…" Frank starts. He looks at the syringe. "No, not solution 27…" He goes silent. As one, the others look at Frank's non-moving body, and then at Dr. Nario. Dr. Nario looks back at them, holding more syringes in his hand.

"Run?" Jimmy asks.

"Sounds like a plan," Captain Dirk says.

"We should be able to seal ourselves off from the rest of the ship once we reach the bridge, let's go," says Amy. They all start running towards the bridge while Dr. Nario follows close behind, laughing like a maniac.

"We're not going to make it, we're not going to make it," Daniel cries out.

"Daniel, be quiet, or we'll sacrifice you so the rest of us can escape," says Jimmy angrily.

"We're going to make it! We're going to make it!" Daniel shouts out encouragingly. Amy trips over.

"Oh, my ankle!" she cries.

"Great, how clichéd," moans Jimmy.

"Leave her. She's useless anyway," says Daniel.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

Mummy and mummy's friends are in trouble! It's up to me to save the day! Meewai to the rescue!

###

Meewai leaps from Daniel's arms and stops to face Dr. Nario. Meewai growls and bares his teeth at the doctor.

"Meewai, no!" Daniel cries.

"Hehehe," says Dr. Nario, advancing on Meewai.

"Mee…wai…" growls Meewai.

"Come on Daniel, we have to keep going buddy," Captain Dirk says, pulling Daniel along.

"No, Meewai, we can't leave him," Daniel says, reaching for Meewai.

"Let's go!" Captain Dirk says, shoving Daniel in front, "Run! That's an order Daniel."

"Yes sir. I'll come back for you Meewai!" Daniel shouts behind him, then continues to run towards the bridge.

Jimmy takes one last look behind him, after helping Amy up, just in time to see Meewai leap at Dr. Nario and sink his teeth into his chest. Dr. Nario cries out in pain and slaps at his arm. Meewai lets go and begins to run back towards the others while Dr. Nario clutches his arm in pain. Soon, spying his prey, Dr. Nario once again begins his pursuit.

At this moment, the others reach the bridge. Captain Dirk moves to press the button to close the bridge doors, but Daniel stops him.

"Please, Captain buddy, just wait. Meewai can make it!" Daniel says. Captain Dirk looks at the door, and then back at Daniel's sad face.

"Please…" Daniel pleads, making puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, okay. But, we can't wait too long," Captain Dirk says.

"Yay! You're the greatest Captain!" Daniel hugs the Captain, causing him to go off balance and press the button.

"You lied!" Daniel shouts, noticing the doors closing. "You said you'd wait."

"But Daniel, I didn't mean to. When you…" Captain Dirk starts.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! LIAR!" Daniel shouts. He runs to the door, hoping that Meewai will make it. Meewai speeds up, hoping to make it to the doors before they close.

"Could they close any slower?" Amy asks.

"No, it wouldn't be anywhere near as tense then," Jimmy answers.

"Good point," Amy says. Following the nature of this tense scene, Meewai manages to make it through the doors at the last second. Dr. Nario runs into the closed doors. A muffled "ouch" is heard.

"Meewai!" Daniel says, hugging Meewai.

"Daniel, please forgive me, I didn't mean to," says Captain Dirk.

"Of course you're forgiven, Captain buddy! Meewai is safe, isn't he?" says Daniel, squeezing Meewai tighter. He then turns to Jimmy.

"See Jimmy, Meewai isn't dangerous, he saved us. It's a good thing we brought him," he says.

"You didn't see the way he latched onto Dr. Nario's arm. That thing is not safe," says Jimmy.

"Ha! You're just jealous he's not your friend," Daniel says. Jimmy ignores him and changes the topic.

"It's a pity about Professor Frank though," Jimmy says.

"Yeah. None of us here know how to pilot this. How are we going to get back now?" Captain Dirk asks.

"Umm, I can fly it," Amy says. They all look at her.

"We're going to die…" says Daniel.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy.

###

Journal of ?

3/2/2568

Man, these creatures sure are noisy. I can't sleep on this thing at all.


	21. Episode 20

Anyway. Last episode for this story arc! I won't guarantee anything, but I'll try and have the next special written a bit after this time next week. Two weeks at the most! (hahahaha, yeah…)

Episode 20

"Creature that lacks the groove, are you ready to meet the queens?" the Zerg Overmind's voice echoes from somewhere.

"I'm a little tied up right now, can they come back later?" Lyle asks, struggling to break free from his bonds.

"Amusing, you who refuses to move, very amusing. Tell me, do you have a name?" the Overmind asks.

"Yes." Lyle answers. The Overmind is silent for a moment, waiting for Lyle to tell him his name. Eventually he figures that Lyle isn't going to answer.

"And that name is…" urges the Overmind.

"What name?" Lyle asks.

"Your name, you who lacks the groove, what is it?" the Overmind asks.

"My name?" Lyle asks.

"Yes," Says the Overmind.

"You want to know my name?" asks Lyle.

"I do," says the Overmind.

"You want me to tell you what my name is?" asks Lyle.

"I'd like that very much," says the Overmind.

"Why?" asks Lyle. The Overmind is taken aback.

"What do you mean why?" the Overmind asks.

"Why do you want to know my name, obviously," Lyle says. The Overmind decides he's had enough.

"I've had enough!" says the Overmind, "You are ruining my groove. It doesn't matter if you tell me your name or not, for I shall know it soon enough!"

"Because that's the way a hive mind works, you see," adds Squigglyoth.

"Squigglyoth, not groovy. I'm speaking to the one who lacks groove here, not you" says the Overmind.

"My apologies, your grooviness," says Squigglyoth.

"Make sure it doesn't happen again," says the Overmind.

"Of course, your grooviness," says Squigglyoth.

"What are you planning to do with me? I demand to know!" Lyle demands to know.

"You'll find out soon enough, creature that lacks the groove. Soon you shall move, and soon you shall have groove. Squigglyoth, send in the groovy queens, make them move!" order the Overmind.

"But your grooviness, it's easy enough for you to do it. You do control the moves, after all," Squigglyoth says.

"Squigglyoth…" warns the Overmind.

"Right, sorry."

###

Officer Evil Eye watches the five admirals run around, bowing to the Grand Admiral's every demand.

"Admiral Stephanie, I am waiting on my pancakes!" said Grand Admiral Duran Von Leigelweiner.

"Of course sir, the kitchen staff are moving as fast as they can. Please understand they have others to feed as well," says Stephanie.

"188 DAYS! Everyone else can starve if I want food!" shrieks the Grand Admiral.

"Of course sir," says Admiral Stephanie, hurrying towards the kitchen.

"Admiral G!" shouts Duran.

"SIR!" says Admiral G, saluting.

"Go and fill me up a glass with water! Go, now!" he orders.

"Umm, just water? Not orange juice?" Admiral G seeks confirmation.

"WATER! IT'S BEEN 188 DAYS! GOOOOOOOOOO!" he screams. Admiral G goes, faster than he's ever gone in his life.

"Admiral Amy!" says Duran.

"Yes?" says Admiral Amy, looking up. She stops rubbing his feet.

"WHY'D YOU STOP! RUB RUB RUB! I WAS ABOUT TO SAY YOU WERE DOING GOOD AS WELL! RUB!" shouts Duran. Admiral Amy resumes rubbing. Duran Von Leigelweiner rolls over to lie on his stomach.

"Admiral Johnson, lick my back now!" he says. Admiral Johnson stands up and kicks the Grand Admiral's back.

"Argh! You kicked me? Why did you kick me?" Duran asks, furious, "188 DAYS, AND YOU KICK ME!"

"Kick you 188 times, of course sir," says Admiral Johnson, he continues kicking the Grand Admiral.

"STOP! STOP! 188 DAYS! STOP!" shouts Duran, "Actually, don't, that's feeling kinda OUCH good."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," says Admiral Johnson, continuing his kicking.

"Admiral Grievousbodilyharm! Come here now!" orders Duran.

"Yes sir?" asks the Admiral.

"Find me a hat!" he orders.

"A hat, sir?" queries Grievousbodilyharm.

"YES! A HAT! DO NOT QUESTION ME! WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TRAPPED FOR 188 DAYS, THEN YOU CAN QUESTION PEOPLE!" screams Duran, "Now, go get a hat, it's time to name this planet."

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm leaves to get the Naming Hat, sharing an exhausted glance with Officer Evil Eye as he leaves. Officer Evil Eye just smiles to herself as he passes her. Moments later, a young communications officer taps her on the shoulder. She turns to look at him.

"Yes?" she asks.

"Umm, are any of the Admirals available? I have a message," says the young officer. Officer Evil Eye looks into the room. The Grand Admiral is having his feet massaged and his back kicked, causing him to throw his food and drink around the room as he struggles to eat it. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm returns and, seeing this, groans silently and places the hat next to Duran.

"Not at the moment, they're busy naming the planet right now," answers Officer Evil Eye.

"I see…" says the young officer, casting a worried look at the Admirals.

"You can give me the message though, I'll make sure the Admirals get it once they're done," says Officer Evil Eye. The young officer hands her a piece of paper and hurries off. She reads the note, then turns to face the Admirals.

"Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, a Science Vessel is coming in with some important news for you and the other admirals, shall I go meet it?" she asks.

"Yes, go. We'll meet them once we're done here. If we're done here," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"188 DAYS!" shouts the Grand Admiral. Officer Evil Eye hurries off to meet the Science Vessel.

###

"We're going to crash! We're going to crash! I don't want to die!" Daniel shouts out as Amy pilots the Science Vessel into the hangar bay.

"Really now, I don't know why you don't have any confidence in me," Amy says, shaking her head.

"Because you crashed when we landed on the planet, and you kept dropping Meewai! You're useless!" says Daniel.

"Me crashing was an accident. Look, I've been piloting perfectly well so far, and I've had to put up with you shouting in my ear, and that maniac doctor banging on the wall!" Amy protests.

"That's only because there was nothing to hit in space!" says Daniel, "It's much narrower in here."

"I'm not going to hit…" Amy's science vessel knocks over a nearby Valkyrie, "… anything… oops."

"See, you are useless! You're going to kill us! I don't want to OUCH! Sir, Jimmy hit me," says Daniel.

"Why did you do that Jimmy?" Captain Dirk asks.

"He was annoying me, he was being noisy, he was annoying me, oh, and he was being noisy," Jimmy answers.

"You didn't think of asking him too be quiet first?" Captain Dirk asks.

"He was being too noisy, he wouldn't have heard me," Jimmy points out.

"Well, umm, err, apologize anyway!" Captain Dirk orders.

"No. I'd rather figure out how we're going to get past that crazy doctor at the door once we land," says Jimmy.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy.

"No, that won't work. It took twenty Marines last time, and we're only three marines, a Firebat, a Ghost, a rodent and a rather useless pilot," says Captain Dirk.

"Hey, I resent that," says Amy.

"Oh no, you're not the rodent, Meewai is. Sorry about the misunderstanding," says Captain Dirk.

"That's not what I resent…" Amy says, grinding her teeth.

"How about we send Daniel first, then when Dr. Nario is busy with him, the rest of us can escape. Surely the news we carry is worth the sacrifice of one of us," Jimmy says.

"That's not very nice Jimmy…" says Captain Dirk.

"Aww, my buddy doesn't mean it!" says Daniel, "He's just joking around!"

"Yeah, joking, that's right…" Jimmy says.

"I think it'll be better if we all just burst out at once and try to take him by surprise. Once we're in the hangar, he'll easily be overcome," says Captain Dirk.

"Fine…" says Jimmy, "But I liked my idea better."

"Haha, your ideas are always funny, buddy!" says Daniel.

"I'm not your buddy…" says Jimmy. Suddenly the ship shakes violently.

"What was that? Are we dead? I don't want to be dead!" shouts Daniel.

"Ahahaha, we've landed," says Amy, looking embarrassed.

"Oh no! My beautiful Wraith!" cries a voice from outside.

"Let's drop the ramp then," says Captain Dirk.

"Right away!" Amy says, pressing a button to drop the ramp.

"Oh gosh! My toe! That hurts!" says another voice from outside. Immediately the victim is drowned beneath a sea of medics.

"Now, everyone get ready to run as fast as you can once those doors are open. I'm going to press the button," says Captain Dirk.

"Wait! Meewai hit his head when we landed!" Daniel says, picking up Meewai. His eyes flicker open. Daniel doesn't notice how angry he looks.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

What? How did I get here? I don't remember anything! Those stupid creatures are holding me hostage! First chance I get, I'm making a run for it, then I'll hide in wait, and they WILL die!

###

Meewai jumps out of Daniel's arms and lands on the floor. He walks to the door and stands in front of it.

"Oh good, he's okay. You can open the door now Captain buddy!" says Daniel. Captain Dirk presses the button. Everyone stares at the door intently, waiting for it to open. It moves a centimetre.

"Right, it's a slow moving door, that's right. Stupid tension," says Jimmy.

"There goes our plan of surprising him then," says Captain Dirk.

"Hehehe," Dr. Nario says, peeking through the crack in the door. He pokes a syringe through, but can't reach anyone.

Meewai stands at the door patiently. The moment it's open enough for him to fit, he dashes out the gap.

"Meewai, no! Where are you going?" Daniel shouts out, running to the door. Dr. Nario spots the rodent running out and immediately gives chase.

"Kill…"

"Look, he's saving us again. Isn't he the greatest?" asks Daniel.

"I have to admit, the little thing is awfully brave," says Captain Dirk.

"Or stupid…" says Jimmy. Eventually the doors open far enough for the others to leave the ship. Neither Dr. Nario nor Meewai are anywhere to be seen.

"Meewai? Where are you?" Daniel asks. Before he gets a chance to start looking they're approached by Officer Evil Eye.

"You have important news for the Admirals?" she asks them.

"Yes, we do," answers Captain Dirk.

"Unfortunately, they're a little busy right now…" she says.

"188 days!" screams Duran, audible throughout the whole ship.

"Anyway, welcome aboard the _Admire_. Rooms have been prepared for you, and the Admirals shall see you as soon as they're ready," says Officer Evil Eye.

"Thank you officer," says Captain Dirk.

"No problem. Though, just between you and me, this may be the Admiral's flagship, but the rooms on board the _Business _are much nicer," she says, "anyway, I'll be off then."

###

"Lyle, can you hear me?" the Overmind asks. Lyle opens his eyes to see Time has passed. Time passes him again as the Scourge flies past him. How did he know it was a Scourge? He wasn't entirely sure yet.

"Wait, how do you know my name?" Lyle asks, sitting up. Something didn't feel quite right.

"Lyle, you now have groove, and you can now move. Tell me, how do you feel?" the Overmind asks. Lyle studies himself for a bit, and thinks hard about his answer. Eventually he decides on one.

"I feel quite groovy, oh one who controls the moves," Lyle answers.

"Groovy," says the Overmind, "Very groovy."

###

"Right, are we ready to name this planet?" Grand Admiral Duran says, finally letting the other Admirals take a break.

"Yes sir," says Grievousbodilyharm. All the other Admirals were hardly awake. Admiral G's snoring caused the table to shake.

"Well then, the name I pull out of the hat is…Die Humans Die? Who came up with that name?" Duran Von Leigelweiner asks.

"I'm too tired to play any games," Admiral Johnson says, rolling over and falling off the table.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. I want a backrub, and I'm hungry," says the Grand Admiral. All the admirals groan.

"188 DAYS!" he shrieks.

###

Journal of Meewai

3/2/2568

That's funny. I had a journal entry saying "die humans die" before. I wonder where that went. I must've dropped it somewhere. I've lost that crazy human that was chasing me before at least. Now it's time to plan my revenge.

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

3/2/2568

I wish I knew where Meewai was. Both Jimmy and Captain Dirk say that he'll turn up somewhere, but I'm worried. Maybe I should search the ship myself.

I'll give him a week to return, and then I'll go looking for him. That'll be long enough.

Journal of James L. Davies

10/2/2568

It's been a week now since we first came on board the _Admire_ and the Admirals are finally going to see us. Daniel's gone and run away somewhere, probably after that blasted rodent he took on board.

Anyway, now it's time to see the Admirals, and I'm out of space in my journal, so I guess this is to be continued.


	22. StarKraft Interlude 1

Author Note: Oh yes, it is back. For those of you who still get notified about updates to this, it is not a glitch. Following this author note is genuine, 100% real, no added hormones StarKraft! Which also happens to be how I like my chicken.

Can I get a GUNG HO?

Anyway, I don't want to go into too much detail in this author note. I'm sure, however, that any old readers may be curious where I've been. Here's a link to a post I did on StarKraft's new Wordpress site. You'll need to fill in the gaps yourself.

starkraftparody wordpress 2012/11/01/fanfiction-net-reader-welcome/

If that doesn't work, check out my profile for a link there, where you can find the post yourself. The quick update: New weekly episodes late February. Monthly interlude updates until then. Catch up on new StarKraft Wordpress site. If you want.

Enough from me. Enjoy, and as always, leave me some reviews. Sorry it's been so long.

* * *

StarKraft Interlude 01: How Jimmy Met Daniel

Once upon a time two very close friends met. These two friends had many fantastic, amazing and fantamazing adventures together. At one point they even went on to save the galaxy.

This is not the story of how they met.

This is the story of how Jimmy met Daniel. Sorry to disappoint.

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

12/10/2564

Well, this is it. Today is the day I finally join the Marines and start my training. I'm not sure whether to be nervous or excited. It's going to be a great experience, I'm sure. Hopefully the other new recruits are all cool people. I'd hate to be stuck with annoying people…

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

12/10/2564

Today is officially one of the bestest days ever! Do you know why? Well? Do you? Come on! Tell me!

Oh, right, silly me. You're just a journal. You can't answer me!

I'll just have to tell you. I invented a new word! Fantamazing! It's perfect for when you can't decide whether to use fantastic or amazing. Fantamazing! Isn't that just fantamazing?

For some reason it also makes me think of an orange drink. Weird...

Journal of Captain John L. Rickard:

12/10/2564

I love the smell of new recruits in the morning. I wonder how many I can make cry today? Can't bloody wait!

###

"Alright maggots, get yourselves into an orderly line. Let's at least try and look a bit disciplined, alright?" shouts out the captain in charge of the new recruits. Jimmy organises himself in between two other recruits and stands at attention. The captain looks over them all.

"Not bad, I suppose. Not bad for a bunch of no talent rookie maggots, that is. Listen up well, you sorry bunch, cause I am only going to say this once. My name is Captain Rickard, but you can call me puppet master because, maggots, it is my job to get you to move as the Terran military expects you to. My word is law. I speak, you maggots obey. If I say jump, you better bloody be in the air before I make the 'P' sound. Does anybody not understand?" Captain Rickard rants. Out of the corner of his eye Jimmy sees another recruit raise his hand. He frowns slightly at the odd behaviour. Captain Rickard turns on the recruit and Jimmy is sure there's a gleam of joy in his eyes.

"A problem, recruit?" he asks, "Did my simple message not get through your thick skull?"

"No, Captain Rickard sir. Wait. I mean yes. Or no. Yes, yes it did get through," the recruit stutters. Jimmy feels sorry for the obviously nervous man.

"Then perhaps you seem to not realise where you are, you fish. This is the army now! Not school! You do NOT raise your hand! Got it, maggot?" growls the Captain.

"Well you see, it's just that I think you're a little confused," says the recruit. Captain Rickard pauses, staring at the recruit dumbfounded.

"Confused, maggot?"

"Yes. You see, right there! We're not maggots sir, but you keep calling us that. I think you're confused."

"You… you little…" The captain starts. Jimmy is sure he can see a vein on the man's head throbbing as the rage builds, ignites, then explodes.

"YOU BLATHERING AARDVARK! YOU ABSOLUTE BADGER! YOU SUFFERING KOALA! ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON?" Captain Rickard yells in rage.

"I'm not an aardvark, badger, koala or a moron. Koalas are really cute though, don't you think? I'd love to have a pet one. We'd be bestest buddies," the recruit pauses to think before adding: "Actually, lots of people seem to call me moron. How weird, don't you agree?"

"Maggot, what is your name?" Captain Rickard asks, barely containing his rage. He steps closer to the recruit.

"I'm Daniel. It's nice to meet you! And remember, I'm not a maggot. I'm a human. But, it's okay. I understand it's probably your first day on this job. It's my first day here too. I know how hard it is. We can get through this together, Captain Rickard!" He smiles at the captain, "Buddy?"

Captain Rickard takes one last, long look at the recruit and proceeds to punch him in the gut. Hard.

"LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! THIS IS A FINE EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU ANNOY ME. GET THIS INTO YOUR THICK MAGGOTY SKULLS. I AM NOT YOUR BUDDY. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU SUFFER. IF YOU DON'T ANNOY ME, YOU WON'T SUFFER… AS MUCH. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER THIS TIME, YOU MAGGOTY FLEA-RIDDEN COCKROACH EATING TURKEYS?"

The captain is met with only silence. At first. Then, from the sea of silence, a lone bubble floats to the surface.

"Captain, I know you didn't mean to hit me so I'm not upset. Don't worry about that," Daniel wheezes, "ouch…"

Captain Rickard looks down at Daniel and kicks him a few times.

###

Journal of James L. Davies:

12/10/2564

Captain Rickard seems abnormally harsh. I guess it was what I was expecting though. They've got to toughen us up for duty, right?

I don't know what to think of that recruit today. I think his name is Daniel. Is anybody really that stupid? Surely that's not possible. No, he must just be ridiculously brave, standing up to the captain like that. Maybe I should go introduce myself to him.

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

12/10/2564

I do not like Captain Rickard very much at all. He's just a big fat meanie!

###

"Hi. Daniel, isn't it?" Jimmy asks. He's standing above Daniel who is sitting on a bunk, treating his bruises.

"Yes! That's my name! Ouch. It hurts to talk…" Daniel responds.

"My name's Jimmy," says, shockingly enough, Jimmy.

"It's fantamazing to ouch meet you, Jimmy!" Daniel says in painful enthusiasm.

"Um, fantamazing?" Jimmy asks.

"Fantastic and amazing! Fantamazing! It's my wo-ouch-rd. I invented it, but you can use it ouch if you want."

"Right, um, sure. So listen, I was just coming over here to say that I think the captain was unfair today. And, well, I guess if you ever need a friend while you're here I could help out," Jimmy says, feeling awkward. He glances down to see Daniel's response and is surprised to see tears in the man's eyes.

"Omigosh I am SO happy!" Daniel shouts, standing up in the blink of an eye and trapping Jimmy in a tight hug. "I was so worried I wouldn't have any friends here, but I got one on the first day! Thankyou thankyou thankyou Jimmy!"

"You're... welcome…" Jimmy croaks out.

"This is the most fantamazing day ever! Not only did I invent a fantamazing word, but I've also made a fantamazing friend! No, not just a friend. Jimmy, you and I are going to be buddies. The bestest buddies ever. I just know it!"

"I'm so…" Jimmy sucks in a small breath of air, "…happy." Daniel releases him and dances around the room a little.

"Just think of all the things we're going to see and do together buddy! We'll see space together! We'll be side-by-side forever! I just can't wait to do you!" Daniel shouts. He stops, thinks and then says, "I mean to do all that with you! Oh, I'm so excited I can't talk properly!"

"At least your injuries seem better," Jimmy mentions.

"My injuries?" Daniel asks, "What… OH! Ouch…. My everything… Pain… Blacking out now…"

Jimmy watches him collapse and then sits down to catch his breath, muttering to himself. "Just what have I gotten myself in for…"

Oh Jimmy, if only you knew!

Three and a bit years later…

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

5/2/2568

Boy, remanissing sure is… Hang on, that doesn't look right. Remenis… no… Remami…

Remembering old stuff sure is fun! Wow was I stupid back then. Fantamazing? What a dumb word. I'm sure glad I'm not stupid anymore! Well, Jimmy sometimes says I am. But I am sure he is just joking. That's what best buddies do!

I wonder what ever happened to Captain Rickard. I kept trying to make up and become friends with him. He seemed like a really great guy! Last I saw him he was being led away by some medics muttering something about untrainable maggots. Think I heard my name a few times too.

What a silly guy. He never did learn that I was a human!

###


	23. StarKraft Interlude 2

Author Note: Another month, and another new StarKraft! All you who were sceptical about my return, I hope this convinces you it's for real!

This interlude tale sort of leads into something I've got planned for when StarKraft returns. In that respect, it's probably the most important, storyline wise, of all the interludes.

It was also an excuse for Kilcrazy to be himself again. You can never have too much of Kilcrazy, right?

Don't forget to check out my StarKraft wordpress site if you haven't yet!

* * *

StarKraft Interlude 02: Soldier's Ball (Blaze of Glory)

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

13/11/2566

Here I am, sitting at the annual Terran military social event with my bestest buddy Jimmy. We've just recently started our third year of training for the Terran Military. So that means this is the third ball we've been too as well! Am I great at maths or what?

I just had a thought. Wouldn't it be amazing if the military could come up with some sort of facility to train and deploy marines right on a field of battle in a matter of minutes? You could get out so many more soldiers that way. I'm going to make a suggestion to Captain Rickard!

###

Jimmy sits at a round table with enough seats for eight people in a large ballroom. Next to him Daniel sits, fidgeting.

"Would you stop fidgeting like that and sit still?" Jimmy asks.

"Sorry buddy, but I just find suits so uncomfortable." Daniel complains, tugging at his tie.

"It's only for a few more hours," says Jimmy. On Jimmy's other side Captain Rickard slams an empty beer bottle onto the table.

"Bring me more beer!" shouts out Captain Rickard then, not exactly quietly, "I'll bloody need it if I'm made to sit with these useless maggots. Actually, screw the beer. Bring me something stronger! Some kind of spirit!"

"But Captain, we only want to be your buddies!" says Daniel excitedly.

"Shut up. Kill yourself. Leave me alone..." grumbles Rickard, taking a large gulp of his drink as soon as it arrives. Jimmy notices the man sitting opposite him taking interest in the conversation.

"Kill? Did someone say kill? Who needs killing?" asks the man with a mad grin on his face. He pulls a gun out of his pocket and starts pointing it around the table. "I can do it. I'm good at it!" Captain Rickard starts to slam his head repeatedly against the table.

"Hey, I didn't know you liked to play drums Captain!" says Daniel, bouncing his head to the beat. Rickard starts to growl.

"Oh, you can sing too!" says Daniel, "I'm not really a fan of death metal though."

"If you ask me, the only thing that needs killing is this steak, Sergeant Kilcrazy. It's so rare that I'm sure the cow must still be alive! Delicious!" says the man next to the kill crazy guy as he cuts into his meal with a knife.

"AHA! KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" cries out Sergeant Kilcrazy as he fires his gun into the steak.

"Ah, that was a joke Sergeant Kilcrazy," says the man with the steak full of bullets. Kilcrazy pockets his gun.

"Sorry Lyle. But killing is no laughing matter," says Kilcrazy.

"Unless you die of laughter, sir?" Lyle asks.

"Die of laughter soldier? Wahahahahaha! What a funny way to go! Oh, I'm going to see if I can keep you after this night is over Lyle. You make me laugh. I could do with that in my unit."

"Honoured, sergeant. Truly I am," says Lyle, picking bits of bullet out of his steak. "You've definitely done this steak in well. Well done, that is."

"HAHA! You joker!"

Jimmy turns to look at the man sitting next to Captain Rickard. He'd been doing nothing all evening except staring at the candles in the middle of the table.

"Pretty, pretty fire," the man sighs softly.

"So, are you here on your own?" the female recruit sitting next to Daniel asks, leaning across the table to talk to Jimmy. Jimmy opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by Daniel.

"No way! He's here with me, aren't you buddy?" Daniel shouts out loud enough for the whole ballroom to hear. He rests his hand on Jimmy's shoulder.

"Oh!" says the lady, sitting back in her chair. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise the two of you were a couple. Well, my apologies."

"No, we're not..." Jimmy begins.

"Oh, it's alright," she says, "No need to be shy because of me. I know the military has this whole macho image going for it, but I think you two should be free to be yourselves despite that. Good luck to you, I say. My name is Rachel by the way. Nice to meet you both."

"Nice to meet you too Rachel," says Daniel, "Though I'm not sure what you're talking about... Anyway, I'm Daniel, and this is my bestest buddy Jimmy!"

"Ha, of course you have no idea," Rachel winks, then looks around the room. Her eyes settle on a table full of Goliath drivers. "I think I might go introduce myself to that table, if you two gentlemen will excuse me. Have a great night." She waves as she leaves the table.

"I hate you..." Jimmy mutters, watching her introduce herself to the drivers. A cry of "Gung Ho!" echoes across the room from the table.

"That's a bit mean. I know she was wrong to think you weren't friends with me, but I don't think you should hate her," says Daniel.

"I'm gonna kill you..." mutters Jimmy.

"That's not very nice eith-eeeep!" Daniel cries out as Kilcrazy fires his gun into the air.

"WAHAHAHAHAHA! KILL! KILL!" A light fitting is knocked loose by the gunshots and comes crashing down onto the table, knocking over the candles and setting the table cloth on fire.

"Oooooooohhhh," the man sitting next to Captain Rickard smiles.

"Great! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU USELESS BLUNDERING CLUMSY LEMMING LOVING POODLES HAVE DONE! YOU'VE STARTED A FIRE! AAAARGH!" Captain Rickard yells and hurls his half empty bottle into the flames before storming away.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" says the man next to Rickard in wonder, watching as the alcohol catches alight, spreading the fire onto the carpeted floor.

"Heh, this party just got a lot hotter," laughs Lyle.

"Ahahaha! Yes it did soldier, yes it did," Kilcrazy laughs along, "But enough jokes! You!" He points to Jimmy.

"Yes?"

"Get in contact with the fire department. We'll need them. Lyle, see if you can find a fire extinguisher." He points to Daniel, "You! Go warn everyone there's a fire, and ask them to evacuate calmly."

"Got it," says Daniel as he stands. He then runs around the room shouting. "EVERYBODY! THERE'S A FIRE! GET OUT! GET OUT! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T!"

"Close enough. You!" Kilcrazy looks at the man fascinated by the fire. He's currently crouching down right next to it, poking his hand into the flames. "You... you just continue with whatever it is you're doing. You strange, strange man."

With their orders given out the soldiers all split up, leaving the table. In the eighth chair another marine recruit looks around at the rest of the table leaving.

"I... I can do stuff... too..." he speaks quietly, feeling abandoned as they leave him. "I can help..."

Minutes later, Daniel, Jimmy, Kilcrazy and Lyle stand outside the burning down building.

"I suppose that's the end of the ball then," Jimmy says, watching the building burn.

"And we'd only just got it rolling too," says Lyle, followed by a laugh from Kilcrazy.

There's a loud crash of breaking glass as a burning man leaps out of the building. He lands hard on the tiled ground, lies still for a moment and then stands himself up, running and waving his hands in the air.

"Poor guy, he must be in so much pain," says Rachel, joining the others. Her arm is linked with a tall, strong man. Undoubtedly a Goliath pilot.

"Weeeee! This is wonderful!" Cries out the burning man, jumping for joy as the flames consume him. Eventually he falls to the ground right in front of the onlookers, who watch as the flames go out.

"AHAHA! WHAT A GLORIOUS DEATH!" exclaims Kilcrazy.

"GLORIOUS IS RIGHT!" yells out the burnt, but very much alive man. He comes to his feet, passion burning like fire in his eyes. "I have been reborn! The blessed flames have burnt all impurity from me! I am a new person! I discard my old name, and I adopt the new name of Flamento! From this day forth, I declare the Holy Order of the Firebats to be open. Let all who wish to be proven worthy of joining come forth!"

###

Journal of James L. Davies.

13/11/2566

It's just a feeling I have, but I'm pretty sure that this night is going to come back to haunt us somehow one day...

###


	24. StarKraft Interlude 3

AN: The second last interlude until the next story arc! Omigosh!

This interlude is something a little... different... Enjoy! And don't forget to check out StarKraft's WordPress page!

* * *

StarKraft Interlude 03: Spaceman

Drifting, drifting, aimless and lost. The surrounding blackness broken only by specks of light, the shine of distant stars. No control, just drifting. Although the lack of scenery made it hard to tell if he even was moving. Jimmy was sure he was though. The stars seemed in different positions than they did a while ago. He didn't have much else to do than watch them.

He was cold. So very cold. The deepest possible kind of cold he could imagine. A cold that penetrated his skin, froze his muscles, chilled his blood and crept into the marrow of his bones. Every breath out was precious warmth leaving his body. Every breath in left him feeling colder and colder.

_Blink_

There was a manatee, floating before him. The manatee's light grey skin was wet and the distant light from the stars sparkled on the water. It was like the manatee was cloaked in a veil woven from space itself. It's black eyes were like self contained universes, staring out at Jimmy.

"That's a fancy trick you got there," said the manatee, nodding at Jimmy.

"Pardon me?" asked Jimmy, unsure what the manatee was referring to.

"Breathin' in space. Very clever," complimented the manatee.

"Thanks. It's clever of you as well," responded Jimmy.

"Nah, not really," said the manatee. "I don't breathe."

They drifted together in silence for a while as Jimmy contemplated the exchange. A thought occurred to him. How are they speaking in space anyway? Sound shouldn't travel. He voiced this question to the manatee.

"Guess we both got another clever trick," the manatee answered after some consideration. Jimmy nodded, taking this to be a reasonable response.

Jimmy shivered, sure his body temperature had just dropped even lower. Could it be any colder? The manatee, however, seemed quite comfortable drifting by the stars.

"Don't you feel the cold?" Jimmy asked.

"Nah. Blubber," the manatee answered simply.

"Of course."

_Blink_

Space was now a bright, blue sky. The stars had become fluffy white clouds. Jimmy, no longer drifting, was instead standing on a grassy hill. The distant scenery was now dominated by grass, bushes and trees in every direction. The pleasant musical calls of birds seemed loud after the silence of the stars.

"Well, this is a development," said the manatee from behind Jimmy. Jimmy turned around.

The manatee's tail had been replaced by two long, human legs. Where its flippers once were there were now two human arms.

"What happened?" asked Jimmy.

"Oh, the humanity! I've become a hu-manatee," wailed the manatee. The cries of birds were the only sounds for a good few minutes. Finally, Jimmy spoke.

"That was awful. Really, really awful."

"And so, my work here is done," said the hu-manatee as it faded away, leaving Jimmy alone on the grassy hill.

"I will miss you, my only friend," said Jimmy to the space where the hu-manatee once was.

_Blink_

"Aww, there there bestest buddy. It's going to be okay. I'll miss you too. But we'll be seeing each other again. You'll be back to visit once you get some leave granted," said Daniel, holding Jimmy in a tight embrace.

"I'm a bit hurt by that 'my only friend' bit," sniffed Captain Dirk from a short distance away. "Aren't we all buddies here?" Daniel laughed, releasing Jimmy and stepping away to face Captain Dirk.

"Silly Captain, Jimmy is not thinking properly because he's so sad. The three of us have been together all this time, and now he'll be on his own." He turned back to face Jimmy, "I'm so proud of you buddy. Finally heading off on your own without me there to look after you. You really are brave, Jimmy."

Jimmy lowered his head as he wiped a stray tear from his eye. He didn't want his parents to see him sad. He wanted their last memory of him to be that of a brave soldier, going into the stars.

"Father," Jimmy said, nodding at Captain Dirk, then turning to Daniel, "mother. I am going to be brave. I am going to make you both proud!"

_Blink_

"Glad to hear it soldier, but I ain't your mother or father," shouted Sergeant Kilcrazy over the roar of gunfire. Jimmy instinctively ducked, hearing the scream of a bullet flying over his head.

"Sorry Sergeant, not sure where my head was," Jimmy apologised, dropping back down into the trench to take cover from the onslaught. Above, Sergeant Kilcrazy pulled the pin from a grenade and hurled it toward the enemy lines before dropping down to join Jimmy.

"Forgiven soldier. Just be sure to keep your head. That way it might just improve the odds of both of us keeping our heads," Sergeant Kilcrazy's response was punctuated by the explosion of the grenade, followed by mad laughter from the sergeant. Jimmy slumped, leaning against the trench wall.

"It's just too much Sergeant. They've got us out gunned," Jimmy moaned in despair. He cried out as Kilcrazy slapped him.

"Get it together soldier! I need you to be with me! I need you to focus! We've got to get up their and kill! KILL! KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! YESS! BLOW THE ENEMY TO PIECES! DESTROY THEM COMPLETELY AND WONDERFULLY!" roared Sergeant Kilcrazy. Jimmy watched in shock as the sergeant leapt out of the trench in a single jump, waving his gun and pumping bullets into the air as he laughed hysterically.

"Sergeant, no!" Jimmy cried out, crawling out of the trench to support Kilcrazy. He fired a few shots toward the enemy as he got to his feet. Explosions sent dirt flying up all around him as he ran toward the enemy lines.

Jimmy spotted Sergeant Kilcrazy deep amongst the enemy. The giant yellow chicken soldiers fired at the sergeant, but none of the hits connected. The sergeant seemed to always know just when to duck, when to dive, when to fire. It was, Jimmy thought, beautiful to watch.

"Die chickens, die!" shouted out Sergeant Kilcrazy as he fired his shotgun into chicken after chicken, cackling with glee.

"CHICKEN!" cried out a chicken that was standing close to Sergeant Kilcrazy. Much too close. The sergeant cried out in pain as the bullet pierced him and Jimmy watched as he fell to the ground.

"Nooooooooooooooooo," cried out Jimmy as he lifted his rifle to fire at the chicken army. The chicken army turned to face him and raised their guns.

"CHICKEN!" yelled a chicken soldier. Jimmy stumbled as the bullet slammed into his shoulder.

"NOW GO BUY SOME!" yelled another. The bullet grazed his side.

"YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THE MILITARY!" The bullet hit his shin.

"YOU SMELL FUNNY!" The bullet punctured his arm.

"YOU ARE NOT LOVED!" The bullet penetrated his chest, and he cried out, almost falling to the ground.

"YOU DO NOT LOOK GOOD IN TIGHTS!" A bullet flew through his stomach.

"WORDS ARE NOT FOR HURTING!" The bullet shattered his skull and the world turned black as he fell to the ground.

_Blink_

A pink creature with too many arms and not enough legs hopped over to Jimmy. It's overly large ears flapped like wings as it approached. Standing over Jimmy it lowered its long, triangular head. Where Jimmy felt a nose should be was nothing but a black, empty hole. The creature pressed this hole against Jimmy's chest.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm," drawled the creature with a deep hum. Jimmy watched as his legs and arms were grabbed, the creature using a different arm for each of Jimmy's limbs. The creature picked Jimmy up and shook him a little before dropping him back on the floor.

"Unacceptable, unacceptable. No good at all," the creature droned with the same deep hum as it turned to walk away.

_Blink_

"Good morning honey," sung a cheerful, female voice as Jimmy opened his eyes, "did you sleep well?"

Jimmy smiled at the woman in bed next to him and answered, "Better than I ever have before. Well, once we finally got to sleep, that is."

The woman giggled and leant forward to kiss him gently. Jimmy closed his eyes as he relaxed into the embrace.

_Blink_

Jimmy opened his eyes and recoiled in revulsion as woke to Meewai licking his face. He pushed the rodent away.

"Annoying little rodent," Jimmy muttered, wiping the saliva off his face.

"Don't say that about Meewai!" Daniel cried out, running to hug the creature, "You'll hurt his feelings.

"Well, if you're going to keep it, you're going to need to teach it to behave properly," scolded Jimmy.

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my dad!" Daniel yelled back.

_Blink_

"Yes I am! And you will listen to me!" Jimmy yelled at the gathered Admirals.

"Fine, fine, you're the king of the castle, and we're the dirty rascals," Grand Admiral Duran Von Leigelweiner admitted with a sigh.

"And don't you forget it!" Jimmy said triumphantly.

_Blink_

"Forget it!" Jimmy watched as Amy yelled at Daniel. He felt almost bad for Daniel, watching him cowed and crouching in the corner as Amy berated him. Only almost. It was Daniel after all.

"You cannot have my love, Daniel, because you don't deserve it!" Amy continued yelling, "How can I give my love to anybody who does not know how to turn a cabbage into a rabbit?"

"But I trimmed my nose hairs for you!" Daniel cried out.

"I'm sorry, but it's not enough," said Amy as she turned and stormed out of the room. Daniel turned to face Jimmy.

"Are you happy now?" Daniel yelled at him.

_Blink_

"I really wish I'd never joined up with the military," Jimmy admitted from the comfort of the psychiatrist's couch.

"And why is that?" Professor Frank asked.

"Well, for starters, I'm fairly sure my hands would still be normal if I hadn't," Jimmy answered, holding up his hands to show the professor. They were blue and scaly with a thin membrane stretching between each finger.

"I see, yes, quite possible," Professor Frankly said while adjusting his glasses. "Well, you've been out of the military for a few years now, haven't you?"

"Yes. I've been trying to work a career as a manatee. The blubber is nice, but the hours can sometimes be long," Jimmy answered.

"So then," said the professor, "Are you happy now?"

_Blink_

Jimmy watched in terror as the Shiarg creature approached him, growling as it stalked closer. The creature was serpent like with sharp spikes protruding all along its body. It had an elongated head and a mouth full of sharp teeth spread in a menacing grin. The Shiarg's two arms ended in long, fearsome looking spikes.

Jimmy looked around his room on board the _Starship Business_, searching for anything to use as a weapon. Why couldn't he remember where he'd left his gun? He felt his terror growing as the creature came closer and closer. Suddenly, it was directly in front of him.

The Shiarg raised a claw and Jimmy cowered backwards, trying to make himself a smaller target. He screamed out in terror and tightly shut his eyes as the creatures clawed hand swung down towards him. There was nothing more he could do. It seemed this was the end for Jimmy.

After a few seconds, when nothing had happened, he carefully opened his eyes. The Shiarg was still standing there, its clawed hand pointing at Jimmy's shoe.

"I'm terribly sorry to frighten you good sir. Please understand it was not my intention" said the Shiarg beast, "I just wanted to point out that your shoe lace is undone. That's very dangerous you know? You could fall and hurt yourself."

Jimmy looked down at his shoe and, in shocked silence, tied the lace. He then looked back up at the Shiarg.

"Thank you," he said in a small, still slightly terrified voice.

"My pleasure," said the Shiarg, "Are you happy now?"

_Blink_

Jimmy sat on a beach, poking at a strange, green blob which had washed up on shore. Words formed along the top of the blob as Jimmy poked it.

_Are you happy now?_ He read.

_Blink_

"Excuse me, Tracy here, reporter for the Terran News Network. I was hoping to get a few words about your mission. You've successfully defeated the Shiarg. Are you happy now?"

_Blink_

Jimmy put his arms around the shoulders of the person next to him. The person leaned into Jimmy, resting their head on Jimmy's shoulder.

"Yes," Jimmy said to Captain Dirk, "We are very happy." Daniel lifted his head from Jimmy's shoulder, looked at Jimmy and smiled. Jimmy returned the smile as he brought his spare hand to rest protectively on Daniel's pregnant belly.

"I love you, bestest buddy," Jimmy said to Daniel.

###

Journal of James L. Davies

5/2/2568

What the heck? What the heck? WHAT THE HECKITY HECK HECK?

Who wrote all that in my journal? Was it me? It looks like my handwriting. But, no way! I wouldn't have done something like this! Why would I do something like this? Was I drunk? Drugged? Knocked on the head? What the heck! Can I remember last night? I don't think I can remember last night...

What.

The.

Heck!

I need a lie down...

###


	25. StarKraft Interlude 4

AN: This is out final little interlude tale now, before you regular weekly StarKraft resumes in ONLY TWO WEEKS TIME!

Aren't you excited? I sure am!

StarKraft: The Terror Aboard the Admire premiering here and on the StarKraft Wordpress on the 27th of February.

But, for now, happy Valentine's day to each and every one of you.

* * *

StarKraft Interlude 04: The Admiral and the Officer - A Valentine's Tale

Jimmy, Daniel and Captain Dirk crouch down outside the bridge of the starship _Business_, boldly going where no one had gone before. Well, no one except the rest of the crew of the ship. Daniel and Captain Dirk watch Admiral Grievousbodilyharm and Officer Evil Eye intently. Jimmy, instead, is staring perplexedly at Daniel and Captain Dirk.

"What are we doing here exactly?" Jimmy asks.

"Shhhh, it's about to happen Jimmy buddy," says Captain Dirk, raising his finger to his lips.

"What is about to happen?" Jimmy presses.

"Just wait and see. Oh, this is going to be amazing," Captain Dirk says excitedly.

"Omigosh, I just can't wait!" Daniel whispers, clutching tightly the frame of the bridge entrance.

"What the heck are you two on about," Jimmy sighs, giving in.

"Here it comes..." says Captain Dirk.

###

Journal of Admiral Grievousbodilyharm

14/2/2568

I've never been one to keep a journal in the past, but I feel today's events must be recorded for posterity. I'm about to admit my feelings to a member of my crew. We had a rocky first meeting, but I feel Officer Evil Eye and I have grown pretty close.

How funny is it that's her actual name? Who'd have thunk it.

I'm so lucky to have such loyal subordinates like Captain Dirk and his marines to help me out, even in things like this. With their help, there's no way this can go poorly!

###

"Officer Evil Eye," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, nodding towards the officer. She salutes.

"Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, sir," she says.

"Are you aware it's Valentine's Day, officer?" he casually asks.

"It had caught my attention, sir," Officer Evil Eye answers, glaring at him in curiosity.

"I believe a happy Valentine's Day is in order then," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"Indeed sir. Permission to speak freely?" she asks.

"Granted."

"A happy Valentine's Day to you as well, sir," Officer Evil Eye says with a smile, making her glare seem a lot less evil.

"Would you please come with me, officer?" asks the Admiral.

"Of course, sir. Where are we going?" asks Evil Eye.

"I am so glad you asked," says Grievousbodily harm, taking his officer's hand into his own. "I can show you the ship..."

"I have seen the ship, sir," says Officer Evil Eye, interrupting him.

"Officer, this has been planned out by three of the greatest minds on board this vessel. Do not interrupt me," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, giving a look that would be perfect on Officer Evil Eye's face.

"Yes sir, sorry," she apologises.

"No apology necessary," he clears his throat, and then begins to sing. "I can show you the ship. Shining, shimmering splendid!"

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm leads Officer Evil Eye out of the bridge, past Jimmy, Daniel and Captain Dirk, and down the halls of the _Business._

"Tell me, officer, now when did you last let your superior decide?" he continues singing.

"Every day, sir. It's how rank works," says Officer Evil Eye. The Admiral ignores her and keeps singing.

"I can soften your evil eyes, take you wonder by wonder. Over, sideways and under on a smashing spaceship ride!" He times the song to take her past the ship's garbage processing plant during this line.

"Yep, it's quite the wonder..." Officer Evil Eye sighs as he continues dragging her along towards an airlock. She starts to look around concerned, hoping for someone to come take her away from the Admiral.

"An awesome ship! A fantastic way to travel. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming!" sings the Admiral, dragging them into the airlock.

"But we are told where to go... there's the Grand Admiral, and your superiors back on Earth," Officer Evil Eye points out. "Also, please let me go?"

"And look, it's space! A dazzling place I never knew!" he sings, looking out the airlock and spreading his arms wide.

"Are you sure you're alright, sir?" asks Officer Evil Eye.

"But now that I'm in here, it's crystal clear. That now, I want to be in space with you!" he presses a button, sealing the airlock off from the ship.

"Sir! What are you doing? SIR!?" shouts Officer Evil Eye, "someone help!"

"NOW I WANT TO BE IN SPACE WITH YOU!" he sings loudly as the airlock opens, shooting them both out into the stars. He opens his eyes with glee, looking around at space around him.

"So this is how I die," says Officer Evil Eye, glaring at the Admiral.

"Unbelievable sights! Indescribable feeling! Soaring! Tumbling! Freewheeling! Through an endless diamond sky!" the Admiral laughs as he spins around in space.

"How can I even hear you? Or myself?" Officer Evil Eye grumbles. Not wanting to watch the Admiral, she closes her eyes. Suddenly, she feels his hands grip her arms.

"We are in space! Don't you dare closes your eyes! A hundred thousand stars to see! Hold your breath, there's no oxygen," says the Admiral. Officer Evil Eye's eyes shoot open wide.

"You're completely insane. You know this, don't you?" asks Evil Eye.

"I'm like a shooting star," answers Admiral Grievousbodilyharm, watching the _Business_ shrinking away in the distance, "I've come so far! I can't go back to where I used to be."

"But why did you have to drag me with you?" asks Evil Eye.

"We are in space! Every star a surprise! With new horizons to pursue," he continues singing.

"Space doesn't have horizons," points out Officer Evil Eye.

"Hey, the oxygen feels thinner," sings the Admiral, raising a hand to his head.

"Yes. It would in space," sighs the officer.

"No oxygen anywhere?" asks the Admiral.

"Nope. None at all."

"There's no time to spare! At least I shared all this space with you," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"I think I'm blacking out, sir," says Officer Evil Eye, feeling faint.

"Way out in space... that's where we'll be... A thrilling space... A wondrous place... for you... and... me..." says Grievousbodilyharm as his eyes drift shut. The Admiral and the Officer drift lifeless through the cold of space.

###

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm stands up, removing the video disc from the player before the monitor. He turns to Officer Evil Eye.

"So, what did you think?" he asks. She stares at him blankly for a while before answering him.

"It's not that I hated it," she says carefully, "I just found it hard to find something to like."

"Oh," says the Admiral, looking dejected, "Nothing at all?"

"Well," says Officer Evil Eye as she turns around to leave the bridge, hiding her face from the admiral, "maybe I could think of one thing."

Admiral Grievousbodilyharm watches as Officer Evil Eye leaves the bridge. If he could see the expression on Officer Evil Eye's Face, he would need to come up with a new name for her.

"That's it. Did you two seriously help come up with that?" Jimmy asks, "Wait, stupid question. I can believe the two of you could be responsible for that."

"I don't think it worked well, Captain. They didn't kiss!" says Daniel.

"No, Jimmy buddy," says Captain Dirk with a smile, looking at how happy Admiral Grievousbodilyharm was at that moment. "I think everything worked out just fine here."

"You two are insane. I'm going back to my bunk," says Jimmy, standing up and leaving the two of them.

"Happy Valentine's Day Jimmy buddy!" Daniel shouts after Jimmy. "I love you, bestest buddy!"


	26. Episode 21

Author note: And we are BACK in action! Weekly updates resume now. A quick note on this; both here and the StarKraft Wordpress have updated with episode 21 today. Episode 22 will be going live on the Wordpress this weekend. From that point on, the Wordpress site will permanently be an episode ahead of here. So, be sure to follow there if you want the next episodes as soon as possible. Next Wednesday will see episode 22 put up here, and episode 23 on Wordpress.

Thanks for reading! Leave me a review! StarKraft missed you.

* * *

StarKraft – The Terror Aboard the Admire Saga

Episode 21

Tracy the newsreader looks at the camera as it begins to start filming. Sitting at the desk next to her is Bubbles, the Roving Goldfish reporter.

"Hello, my name is Tracy, and welcome to the Terran News Network," she pauses for a brief moment, then, "Do you ever get that feeling like you've been on a really long commercial break, and are really unsure about what has happened with all that lost time? It feels like it's been years since I last read the news."

"Stupid woman!" Mark, her disgruntled ex, yells from across the studio.

"No? I guess it must just be me then," Tracy says.

"Bloop!" says Bubbles.

"Thanks Bubbles, you always have just the right words to cheer me up," Tracy smiles at the fish, "Anyway, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming!"

###

Daniel walks through the docking bay of the Starship _Admire_, hunting for Meewai. He checks under the Wraiths and Dropships, and looks inside the Siege Tanks and Goliaths, but no luck. As he leaves the area, he overhears a soldier and his commanding officer.

"What is your major malfunction?" the officer asks.

"I… I was dropped on my head as a child, sir," the soldier responds.

"Ah… Is… Oh. I see," responds the officer.

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones:

10/2/2568

Wow, I was dropped on my head as a child too! We have something in common! Maybe I should see if that soldier wants to by my friend. No time for that now though. I need to find Meewai before something bad happens...

Journal of James L. Davies:

10/2/2568

So, I have a new journal, and we're about to meet with the Admirals to report our findings on the planet to them. I'd love to know where Daniel is though. He's meant to be here as well, and I haven't seen him all day. He'd better not have gone hunting after that rodent.

Journal of ?

10/2/2568

Ooh, I'm on a much bigger ship now. Surely there are lots of buttons to press here! But no! I must not get distracted! Now is the time to begin my mission. I must resist temptation.

Well, maybe one or two pretty buttons along the way will be okay...

###

Grand Admiral Duran Von Leigelweiner looks at the soldiers assembled in front of him. He turns to Admiral Johnson.

"Who are these guys?" he asks him.

"Flies? Where? I'll go get the spray, shall I?" Admiral Johnson asks.

"No, Admiral Johnson, that's okay. There are no flies here," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm says, putting a hand on Admiral Johnson's shoulder.

"Are you sure? I don't want to get in trouble from the Grand Admiral if you're wrong," Admiral Johnson says.

"Relax. It'll be fine Admiral," Grievousbodily harms reassures him.

"188 DAYS! WHO ARE THESE GUYS?" Duran shrieks. Admiral Johnson quickly stands up and bolts out of the room.

"I told you! There were flies!" he shouts while he runs away. Admiral Grievousbodilyharm clears his throat.

"My apologies, Grand Admiral. Allow me to introduce these brave soldiers to you," says Grievousbodilyharm. He turns to the soldiers in front of him, and indicates each one as he says their name.

"First, we have Captain Dirk, one of my many brave marines. Next to him stands James L. Davies, another marine. The next one along is Lieutenant Amy, a Dropship pilot," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"Ah, yes. I've heard about her. Caused quite a stir with your landing in the dock a week ago, right?" says the Grand Admiral. Amy turns red.

"Yes, that's right sir. Sorry," she shuffles her feet.

"And last we have Sergeant Kilcrazy, a Ghost," Admiral Grievousbodilyharm finishes the introductions.

"Kill," says Kilcrazy.

"A man of many words right now, as you can see," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"What does he want to kill?" the Grand Admiral asks.

"I don't think he's fussy, sir," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"I LIKE this guy!" says Duran von Leigelweiner.

"Kill…" says Kilcrazy.

"Now, why have you requested to see us?" asks Duran von Leigelweiner. Captain Dirk steps forward.

"Admirals, my name is Captain Dirk, and I am…" he starts.

"Yes yes, we just had the introductions. Get on with it," Admiral Stephanie interrupts.

"Right, of course. We have reason to believe that the Shiarg aren't the only threat in this galaxy we need to watch out for," Captain Dirk says as he hands the Protoss propaganda poster he found to the admirals.

"Admiral G," Duran says.

"SIR!" responds the admiral.

"Read this for me! 188 days!" he says.

"YES SIR!" Admiral G grabs the paper and starts reading, "The Protoss Empire wants YOU ripped bit of paper. Then there's a picture of some alien creature. Then the mighty Protoss Empire wants all the galaxy ripped bit of paper come join us today at ripped bit of paper."

"Intriguing," says the Grand Admiral.

"As you can see, admirals, this could be an even greater threat to us than the Shiarg," says Captain Dirk.

"If I can just point out, a poster isn't an awful lot to go on," Jimmy chimes in.

"My man makes a good point," Captain Dirk says.

"I wish you wouldn't say 'my man'," Jimmy mutters.

"This is true," Admiral Lucy says, "We can't assume they're hostile. We don't know anything about them."

Suddenly Admiral Johnson runs into the room screaming, "My goodness me! There are bodies in the storage department! Dead ones, in fact!" Grand Admiral Duran von Leigelweiner takes one look at Johnson, then at the others in the room, and stands up, brushing himself off.

"Well then, I'm afraid we must cut this meeting short. Something much more relevant to my interests has come up," Duran says as he heads towards the door.

"Dead bodies, Admiral, or the mystery of who did it?" asks Jimmy.

"Indeed! Lead the way, Johnson, let me see these bodies," commands the Grand Admiral.

"Sorry sir, but even if you are my commanding officer, I don't think showing you my body is very appropriate," responds Johnson.

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

10/2/2568

Still no sign of Meewai. I've checked the docking bay and the galley so far. I wonder where he could be.

I really thought I'd have had more explored by now, but there are things I didn't count on. Like the galley having a chicken schnitzel day! If there's one thing I love more than chicken it is chicken schnitzel. Well, chicken schnitzel is chicken, so I guess I love it the same. But, it's special!

Anyway, I think I'll go check the cargo bay next. It seems a good place to hide. I must remember that when I finally convince Jimmy to play hide and seek with me!

###


	27. Episode 22

Author note: Boom! Two updates in just as many weeks. Now nobody can doubt we're back in action! Nobody!

On an unrelated note, next week's update will be appearing not on Wednesday, but the Sunday following (for my time zone at any rate). Sunday will then become the regular update day.

And if you hunger for more after reading this, don't forget Episode 23 is up on the StarKraft Wordpress. Leave a nice message there too.

* * *

Episode 22

Jimmy, Dirk, Kilcrazy, Amy and the Admirals stand in a circle, looking down at the dead bodies of two deck hands. There's a fair bit of blood.

"Well, they're certainly dead," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"Violently dead," adds Admiral Stephanie.

"There's no flame marks at least, so we can rule somebody out," mentions Jimmy.

"Oh? Who can that be?" asks Dirk.

"Gee, sir, I wonder…"

"188 DAYS! I'M TRAPPED FOR 188 DAYS AND SOMEONE DARES MURDER MY CREW! I AM OUTRAGED!" shouts von Leigelweiner.

"This is not very gung ho," Admiral G notes.

"I didn't think men could be in that line of work," says Admiral Johnson. Everyone looks at him strangely. They return to studying the bodies.

"I'm feeling woozy. I don't like blood very much," says Amy.

"We're going to need to find out who did this," Admiral Lucy adds.

"Maybe it was your medics," accuses Admiral Stephanie, "You know, they've got nothing to do, so they go around MAKING injuries to heal. But then, they get too enthusiastic. They get carried away and then this happens!"

"No way, my medics seek to preserve life. They would never do this!" Admiral Lucy defends.

"I can see it now. Your medic calls a poor soul into a dark alley. Suddenly, stab! The victim is bleeding and the medic is overjoyed he gets to heal! But, he's too carried away, and forgets to heal, or he has injured the victim too greatly, and then there's a dead body. Admit it, your medics can be overzealous."

"That may be true," Lucy admits, "But your argument has one serious flaw."

"What's that?" asks Stephanie.

"There's no dark alleys on a Battlecruiser!"

"SHUT UP! 188 DAYS!" screams the Grand Admiral. Everyone shuts up. "Thank you. Now, we need to find out who did this, and then kill them. Kill them good. Kill them in a way that sets an example for the entire crew that killing will not be tolerated! Screw the hypocrisy! We need some sort of specialist, someone who knows the art of killing to track the murderer and deliver our justice. Does anybody here have anyone in mind?"

Suddenly there's a loud gunshot and Admiral Lucy falls to the ground, dead. As a single entity, everyone turns to look at the smoking shotgun in Sergeant Kilcrazy's hands.

"Grand Admiral," Kilcrazy says, passion burning like fire in his eyes, "I believe you'll find me perfectly suited for this job." The Grand Admiral stares at Kilcrazy a moment longer before his mouth stretches into a grin.

"I LIKE this guy!"

###

Journal Entry of Sergeant Kilcrazy

10/2/2568

Yes yes yes yes yes! Finally! My time to kill has come once more. Kill! Kill! Kill! Killkillkillkillkill! Murder the murderers! Avenge the death of...

Oh yeah, the bodies. I should check out how wonderfully, beautifully they've been killed. I'm back in action!

"Oh yes," Admiral Johnson says, "My Sergeant will be just perfect for the task at hand. We're fortunate he's here."

"Always glad to be involved where there's killing!" Kilcrazy says.

"Sorry if I'm out of place here," Jimmy says, "But are we just going to overlook the fact he just killed an Admiral?"

"Wahaha. Kill!" says Kilcrazy.

"An acceptable display of talent, I would say," says the Grand Admiral.

"It's not like she'll be missed," Admiral Stephanie adds.

"The medics don't really need someone to command them," mentions Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"Her character wasn't really all that developed," Admiral Johnson chips in.

"What? Character?" Admiral G looks that Admiral Johnson strangely.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says Admiral Johnson, "I forgot where I was. I thought we were talking about a book."

"So, I guess that's a yes then," mutters Jimmy. He feels Captain Dirk put a hand on his shoulder.

"Now now Jimmy, don't worry. This is a decision from our superiors. We can't question it. Insubordination is a bad thing," says Captain Dirk.

"Yes, and killing a superior officer is totally okay it seems," says Jimmy.

Journal of James L. Davies

10/2/2568

Remind me why I joined up again? What ever convinced me to join the Marines? Seriously, between Daniel, Captain Dirk, the Firebats and, well, almost every single other person here, I've honestly forgotten...  
-

"Well then, let's get down to business!" exclaims Grand Admiral Duran.

"To defeat the Hun?" asks Admiral Johnson.

"What? No! Well, unless the Hun are responsible for this. Then we must defeat them I suppose. 188 DAYS AND THE HUN DARE INVADE MY SHIP!" shouts the Grand Admiral.

"Sir, I don't really think there's Hun on the ship," says Grievousbodilyharm.

"No, of course not. You're right, I got carried away. Sergeant Kilcrazy, I will leave this investigation in your hands. Captain Dirk and his marine are in your service. Make good use of them. Fellow admirals, how about some tea?" says the Grand Admiral.

"Tea sounds lovely." says Admiral Johnson.

"I could sure go for some tea," says Admiral Stephanie.

"How delightful!" says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"It will certainly make a man out of me! GUNG HO!" shouts Admiral G.

###

On board the _Admire_, a presence moves, drifting silently through the corridors of the ship. The presence licks its paws, then smooths the fur on its head while it plans. What would its next move be? The humans must die.

###

On board the _Admire_, a presence observes, sitting in dark corners of the ship. The presence tries, and fails, to not think about buttons as it watches the comings and goings of the ship's inhabitants. It has to focus. It must complete it's mission and return to the glorious Protoss Empire.

###

On board the _Admire_, a presence stalks, cackling silently to itself as it follows an unwary medic through the ship. It fingers a syringe in its hand, brushing the words 'Solution No. 27' labelled across it. Suddenly the presence darts forward, stabbing the syringe into the neck of the medic and injecting the solution. The medic falls to the deck, dead, and the presence moves in search of more victims, discarding the syringe.

###

Journal of Daniel K. Jones

10/2/2568

I can't believe I got lost on the way to the cargo bay! I do not know this ship at all! I think it must be down this corridor...

Oh goody! I can see a medic having a nap down this corridor. I can ask them for directions! I hope they're not lost too...

-

"Ally medic buddy, excuse me!" Daniel calls out, "Do you know where the cargo bay is from here?" The medic doesn't answer. Daniel shakes him lightly, trying to wake him.

"Wow, you must be really tired! I'll leave you to rest then," Daniel keeps walking down the corridor, looking for the cargo bay, not noticing the Solution No. 27 syringe lying on the ground.


	28. Episode 23

Author note: If I may draw your attention to a certain song from The King and I titled Getting to Know You. That is all, but do leave a review.

* * *

Episode 23

"Would you look at these slashes across the chests. Remarkable! And those puncture wounds! Amazing! It looks like the killer must have used a sword to kill them. Wahaha, beautifully brutal, astonishingly archaic!" Kilcrazy laughs, examining the dead bodies.

"Uhh..." Jimmy worries at the pure passion in Kilcrazy's voice.

"Or perhaps not a sword. It could be claws. An animal would likely be more savage than your average human. What a fearsome beast! KILL!" Kilcrazy's excited grows and grows.

"Err..." Amy starts, slightly afraid to interrupt the Sergeant's investigation. Or his admiration. She wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. Kilcrazy turns his head to look at her.

"Am I still needed here?" she asks. Kilcrazy turns all the way around and points a finger at her.

"No! You get out! I don't need your clumsiness ruining the beauty of this murder scene! I don't want you destroying any of the art. Evidence! Kill! I mean evidence!" Kilcrazy cries out.

"Thank goodness," Amy breathes in relief, then retreats as fast as possible. As she leaves Nurse Jill pokes her head into the storage department.

"Hey there! Do you guys need a medic at all?" she asks.

"No, I don't think so," Jimmy answers. "Not unless you can revive the dead."

"No, I can't do that," Jill sighs regretfully.

"Then I think we're fine here. Thanks anyway."

"Darn... I'm just so bored!" Jill sulks and walks away with her shoulders slumped.

Captain Dirk kneels down next to one of the bodies, looking at the wounds. He then looks to Sergeant Kilcrazy. "So you think this was an animal attack?"

"Yes, but it doesn't make sense. There's no animals on board this ship," Kilcrazy says, scratching his head in confusion.

"Actually, there is one..." Jimmy mentions. Kilcrazy and Captain Dirk look at him.

"No, you can't mean... But that's Daniel's little pet!" Captain Dirk cries out.

"It's the only lead we have at this stage," Jimmy points out.

"But it can't be true! Meewai loves Daniel so much! Can't you see that," Captain Dirk pleads.

"Enough!" Kilcrazy shouts, "Soldier, you are right! That rodent is our best lead. We will hunt it down and, KILL, investigate if this creature was the KILLER! AHAHA! FEARSOME BEAST WE WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU!"

"Yes Jimmy, I have to admit you are right. I have to put my personal feelings aside. The least we can do is investigate," Captain Dirk concedes. "Speaking of Daniel, where is our bestest buddy anyway?"

"He's not my buddy, but..." Jimmy starts.

"I really don't think this is the time for jokes Jimmy," says Captain Dirk.

"...but, knowing him, he's probably off hunting for Meewai," finishes Jimmy.

"See, you can't fool me Jimmy. You know him so well. You are definitely buddies. I'm even a little jealous of how close the two of you are!" Jimmy sighs in response to Captain Dirk.

"Captain, if your soldier is looking for this creature he may be in danger. Glorious danger of getting killed!" Kilcrazy says.

"Right you are Sergeant. We have to find Daniel, in case he does need our help. Let's go find our buddy!"

###

The recreation lounge of the starship _Admire_ is a busy place, always full of soldiers and pilots enjoying a bit of down time. It is a place of fun games, exercises and other recreational activities for the vessels extremely tired workers. It is a very happy place, where you can't help but be in good cheer. The higher ups deny the use of small quantities of happy gas in the room's ventilations system.

"I am very happy here," a pilot informs her co-pilot.

"I am as well," the co-pilot responds. As he walks in, the mood of the room infects Dr. Nario. Or perhaps it was just the joy of so many people to kill. Either way, a song grows inside Dr. Nario, and there's nothing he can do to hold back.

"It's a very ancient saying," he announces, speaking in a deep baritone, "but a true and honest thought!"

"What the...?" the pilot mutters, turning to face the door.

"That if you become a doctor," continues Dr. Nario, still speaking "Well, your patients will be distraught!" Dr. Nario takes a deep breath, before finally launching fully into the song.

"As a doctor, I've been learning – oh how I do love to boast," he sings deeply, pulling out his syringes, "And now I've become an expert, on the poison I like most!"

He grins wickedly, looks around the room and growls, "Getting to stab you!"

He slams a syringe into the closest soldier and sings, "Getting to stab you, getting to stab all over you!" He throws two more syringes, each one going through the neck of another soldier.

"Getting to kill you, loving I get to kill you!" he sings and skips around the room, pushing syringes into everyone he sees.

"Getting to stab you, putting it in deep, and tightly, and so precisely," Dr. Nario stabs another soldier, "I inject you!"

"Madman is stabbing!" the still living soldiers cry out together, yelling for help, "Madman is stabbing all of us! Madman is killing! Madman is killing us all!"

"Getting to stab you," Dr. Nario repeats as he drives a syringe the co-pilot, "putting it in deep, and tightly, and so precisely!"

"Oh, agony," she cries in time with the song before dying.

"Getting to stab you," Dr. Nario continues, "killing you is fun and games! When I'm not stabbing, my life is just dull and lame!"

"Haven't you noticed, suddenly you are all alone?" Dr. Nario sings as he grabs the pilot, spinning the terrified woman around in a dance, "Because of all the stabbing I did, all of your friends have died. One. By. One."

"You are a madman! You are a total madman!" the pilot cries out, "Someone will catch you, you can't get away with this!"

"Haven't you noticed, how much I do not care?" Dr. Nario laughs as he sings, pushing the pilot away as he pulls out a scalpel. He then slowly advances toward her. "I am going to cut you up now, and I'll learn all about you, bit... by... bit..."

###

Journal of ?

10/2/2568

After much observation, and disappointingly little button pressing, I think I've determined the identity of the commanders of this strange species. As I write this I'm standing just outside the door to their command room. And even better news! The door has a button I can press to open it. Glee!  
###

"My, this is a fine tea you've brewed Admiral Johnson, my good man," Admiral Duran von Leigelweiner compliments.

"Thank you Admiral. It's my own special blend," says Admiral Johnson.

"You must tell me what you use. I simply must know!"

"Oh you're embarrassing me sir! It's not that good a tea," Admiral Johnson blushes bright red.

"Rubbish! This tea is wonderful!" claims von Leigelweiner. He frowns slightly as the red blush of embarrassment on Johnson's face becomes a dark, red glow of anger.

"Here we go..." Admiral Stephanie rolls her eyes, also noticing the change of expression on Johnson's face.

"Why do you mock me!" Johnson exclaims angrily. "You say my tea is great in one breath, then call it rubbish and awful in the next! What nerve!"

"Can we focus please," Grievousbodilyharm clears his throat to catch the other admiral's attention, stopping the situation before it escalates. "We have something we need to discuss."

"Oh? What?" asks the Grand Admiral.

"Admiral Lucy. We really do need someone to fill the role. There's already been reports of medics wondering around aimlessly, trying to heal inanimate objects, or thinking they can use their skills to repair some of our vehicles," says Admiral Grievousbodilyharm.

"That would explain the dropship in my hangar with the giant bandaid on it," Admiral Stephanie says, nodding her head.

"They'd better stay away from my tanks! Gung ho..." mutters Admiral G.

"As you can see," continues Grievousbodilyharm, "The medics do need guidance. We don't need to raise a new Admiral though, if you ask me. I think one of us could take the extra responsibility."

"How about the Grand Admiral? He doesn't have much to do," suggests Stephanie.

"What?" stutters von Leigelweiner, spraying his tea.

"What does he do anyway?" asks Admiral Johnson.

"You dare!" cries out the Grand Admiral.

"I think his role is to manage us," Admiral G adds, "though he doesn't do it very gung ho."

"188 DAYS!" shrieks Duran von Leigelweiner.

"Exactly," says Admiral G, "We functioned just fine without him for 188 days. Let's give him some more responsibility."

"You can't do this! Mutiny! 188 DAYS!"

"And another thing, enough with the 188 days!" adds Stephanie, "It's been a week already since you got out. We're sorry! Get over it!"

"But..."

"No. It's over. You've overdone it. Overkill. Now, instead of complaining about such a trivial matter..."

"TRIVIAL!?" shrieks the Admiral.

"...You can help by managing the medics instead," finishes Admiral Stephanie.

"Insubordination! I'll have you all flogged! Out the airlock! Put on trial! Abandoned on the next planet!" mid rant, the door to the Admiral's quarters slides open. Duran von Leigelweiner, along with the other Admirals, turn to the door.

Standing there is an alien creature with lightly coloured purple skin. The alien is humanoid in appearance, with glowing blue eyes and no visible mouth.

"What the heck is that?" demands von Leigelweiner, pointing at the newcomer.

"I doubt it," says Johnson, "It's the strangest cat I've ever seen if it is."

"Grand Admiral!" Admiral G bellows, "It's one of those creatures from the poster they brought back form the planet! It's a Protoss!"

-Yes indeed, I am of the Protoss. I am glad you have seen our poster already. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Zanzibar, High Templar of the Protoss Empire. And may I go so far as to compliment you on the button you use to open the door. It's quite well done,- the alien communicates telepathically to the Admirals.

"ARGH! Voices in my head!" shrieks Johnson, clutching at his head, "get out, get out, get out!"

"It can only be here for one reason," says Grievousbodilyharm. His hand slides toward his gun.

-Yes. I am glad we understand each other. First contact, we find, can often be an awkward experience,- sends Zanzibar.

"You're right. They're attacking! Those dead bodies we found. This has to be the murderer," says Admiral Stephanie, also reaching for her weapon.

-But, together, we'll be able to work together for a brighter future.-

"How dare you! Invade my ship! Murder my soldiers! And now you're here to get us, aren't you? Well, it's not happening! We won't be conquered by your empire! Admirals, destroy this Protoss creature," commands the Grand Admiral.

-Yes, I see a grand future ahead between our empire and... wait, what?-

"GUNG HO!" cries Admiral G.

###  
Journal of Daniel K. Jones

10/2/2568

I'm giving up on the cargo bay. I seriously can't find it! Does this ship even have one? Forget what I said before about the cargo bay being an awesome hiding place. The whole section of the ship that the cargo bay is in would be great. Jimmy would never find me!

I really hope I get to see him soon. I'm sure he'll want to play this time. It feels like it's been years since I was last with him. Silly me though, it's only been a day! Otherwise the journal date would be a years ahead!

I'm going to find the recreation lounge. Maybe someone there has seen Meewai. Wish me luck journal!

Sometimes I wish you could speak...  
###


End file.
